Vacation

PC and I head out in the morning for an anniversary trip. We have to make one stop in the morning for an important business deal (trading a bike frame... real important stuff). I'm going to try and convince my mind/stomach not to get motion sickness so that I can do some reading along the way. Here's a list of 10 things that I must pack on every vacation in addition to the usual.
1. PC
2. candy (sour, even better)
3. Good tunes... Gary Allan in the CD player right now.
4. Camera
5. Sunscreen... which we usually forget & have to pay $$$ for one in a tourist shop.
6. Blanket & pillow
7. Baggies... usually come in handy for something
8. Flashlight... PC has a fettish & I (secretly) have come to like having one close by
9. Soap with a pump
10. Emergency car kit & atlas
So- now I'm leaving the World Wide Web for a few days (no free Internet where we're staying) and making some time for FUN! See you in a few days!

Mac and PC anniversary

This week, PC and I will celebrate 3 years of marriage. One of the songs in our wedding said "When God made you, He must have been thinking about me." So true. Especially today... I really lost it and PC was on the receiving end of a royal hormonal hissy fit. Which he never deserved. And he was forgiving & I'm very lucky. So- this post is an extension of "I'm sorry" and a reminder of why I'm so thankful for a wonderful husband & the past 3 years.
He cranks my car every morning so that I have a warm ride to work...sends a mid-day I love you email... and always has a hug for me at the end of the day. I'm very scattered in the morning & often have to call PC to ask if he can bring something that I forgot from home to my job... he always comes through. He never complains about my lack of culinary or cleaning efforts. He often brings home flowers "just because." When I'm working a longer hours than usual, he'll offer to come hang out with me. He keeps me updated on politics, weather, astronomy, sports, bicycles, food facts (relates to his job), 80's music (no joke, he can name every artist & the year of the album!) to name a few. And lastly, through all of the IF ups & downs, he holds my hand & stays strong & tells me that "life's not so bad- we have each other." Thanks, God, for sending your very best my way! Happy Anniversary Week, Prince Charming! Can't wait to start the next chapter...

Infertility Vent 2

Yesterday I had 5 vials of blood drawn for various tests, had 1 orange drink to test Glucose, had to wait 2 hours to get 1 more vial of blood drawn. Then, I had 1 ultrasound where 1 cyst was seen & 1 additional vial of blood was drawn and the end results: 1 pack of birth control pills! Good Friday didn't start out so great! BCPs put the whole IF process in neutral (or reverse) but the intention is to regulate hormones for one cycle and try to reduce the cyst. On the bright side, the day was spent with PC and later in the evening with a good friend and... we're one weekend closer to a much needed vacation!

Next steps...

Today had its good/bad with our second opinion visit. The bad first... the whole atmosphere of this hospital is depressing... I mean, I realize there are sick people there, but that's where people need a smile the most, right? The registration desk... the waiting room... everything felt "cold". This is different than the other RE office where they work hard to remember your name, everything is clean, the nurses smile etc. Now the part that I liked- first, a resident student went over my whole medical history, asking questions and seeming genuinely interested. I was glad someone could try to make sense of my history- I can't even do that! Then, Dr. S. came in. Her mood matched the tone of the hospital- no "hello, how are you" but more like "you must be "Mac"... okay, here's the deal...". However, I do fine without the small talk and like to get to the point too. So here's the deal... the other RE did not test me for PCOS because I didn't fit the typical appearance. She wants to do that anyway. Basically, more blood (that needs to be a post... how much blood does a IF patient "donate"?)
and after that she wants to do an ultrasound to count/check my egg quality. Hello!? Why has no one offered to do this before? I didn't know you could see/count them! Her thoughts were very sensible and PC and I agree to go through with these tests and then make additional decisions. My mom was great company and didn't ask a lot of questions since I was able to tell her that they were going to run more tests to get to the bottom of my issues. Those appointments will take place in the next 3 weeks & I say- let's go!!!

Second Opinion

I'm almost ready for my visit to a new RE on Tuesday... filling out pages of medical history, picked up HSG x-ray etc. This clinic is connected with a University so I'll probably have several interns to observe through whatever treatment we go through, but that's okay! I will be glad to share my problems if they make it a mission to figure out the best treatment plan for me. PC will not be going on this initial visit because he's out of town with work that day and, for the first time, I asked my mom to go with me. I haven't shared every detail with her about our IF journey this far and I probably won't. We just leave it as "I have some female problems I'm trying to work out before we can think of starting a family" which really translates to "We can't have children because my ovaries are not doing what they're supposed to". Sharing this struggle with others has been difficult... the people closest to me know that I have female problems that interfere with TTC. No one except for PC can understand how it changes your life... countless appointments, financial issues, medications and injections, emotional roller coaster... to name a few things. Regardless, I'm eager to get another viewpoint! A new chapter maybe...

The Promise For Your Problem

Recently we attended a church service where the message was "Find the Promise For Your Problem." Since then, I've been looking for and expecting this special promise to find me. Today, a very good friend sent me a letter and it contained my promise.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you.
Plans to give you Hope and a Future." Jer. 29:11

"C"

After the last post, I feel the need to talk about the most non-serious topic I can think of... our dog "C". I brought C home to PC about 2 1/2 years ago, or about the same time we started TTC. He has provided a much needed distraction through this TTC journey! He was an early Christmas present although I really had intentions of "just looking" when I went to see the litter of 5 girls & 4 boys. C just won me over and I couldn't leave him. He had the worst hair ever with curly ears and straight hair mixed in! He was a tiny ball of fur for all of about five days- after that he went from a lanky and awkward stage to a 65+lb. dog with a big heart and terrible hair! The puppy stage was challenging. There was constant teaching, praising, correcting and chewing... and more chewing... from concrete to the lawn mower seat, nothing was safe in the back yard. Although PC and I are (contrary to the fact that I have a blog open to the world) are fairly shy, our dog is complete opposite. He loves to introduce himself to everyone & go for rides. He loves to fetch and swim and his most recent hobby- skunk hunting. I'm sure C will make it into many of my posts... especially the one titled "why IF patients make good pet owners"!

Infertility Vent 1

This was an especially long and hard week in the infertile world.
First, not ovulating can have different effects on different people. Some may not have cycles at all, some may skip cycles and then (lucky me to be in this category) some have cycles that seem to never end. So, here I am still being visited by AF on day 13, yuck.
I led a meeting with a group of colleagues on Monday and asked if anyone had anything to add to the discussion... and a pregnancy is announced. Of course, I plaster a smile on my face and chime in on the congratulations. What makes this announcement more difficult is that she was married 8 weeks after me and PC. I have moved into the stage of IF where it feels like expectant mothers (the waitress, the nurse, the cashier) are everywhere I turn. Everywhere but in the mirror. I think it's perfectly acceptable to say what I feel during these times- this stinks!

Seasonal "Blahs" End Today

Today is a very good day for many reasons. I don't know why I do this, but every year I associate January/February with the "blahs". I'm a summer- lovin' every minute of hot weather- girl. So, these months always seem especially long and cold and dull. So here's my list for kicking this attitude out and welcoming March with open arms:
March 1- It's a beautiful sunny day!
March 9- Last day of an especially difficult graduate course.
March 18- New RE for second opinion- very excited!
March 20- First day of Spring!
March 22- Having a yard sale to get rid of junk- lots of work, but worth it to de-clutter!
March 25- Haircut appt.- I think it's time for a new style.
March 26- Mac and PC anniversary:]
March 30- Leave for a much needed vacation!

Welcome March!