Baby Shower #2

This past weekend was the baby shower that my mom has been planning for several weeks.  She worked so hard and bought most of the food and decorations.  Thank you mom!  It was a small, casual get together at our home with family and friends.  It was perfect and a very special time!  Everything was decorated so pretty (or should I say handsome-ly for baby boy) and the brown and blue colors were great. 

As yummy as it looks! 

Blankets, bottles, outfits, monitor, toys, pacifiers, buggy cover, drying rack, pack-n-play, high chair... we are set!  (Well, except for a name!) 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Loved the diaper cake... so Mac & PC... just missing a mini-laptop:]  

The punch was an idea from pin.terest and it turned out so yummy and cute!  

The time went by fast and PC joined me at the end.  Since he didn't get to open any of the gifts at this one, I had a special gift from me to him.  He's had his eye on it and was really excited.  Here's a look at it from the store... ready to run:] 

Sweet PC, he worked so hard on our yard to make it look great for the shower... spread wood chips, cut grass, made a trip to the dump with wood piles, boxes and such, helped me make a fall display and pressure washed the driveway. 

Thank you PC, and I know I haven't told you enough lately how much I love and appreciate you!!! 

Last,  here's my belly with 7 weeks to go!  Can he keep growing but my belly stop, lol?  I just want to hold this little boy that we have been waiting on for so long... home stretch, here we come!!! 

Thank you God!

First baby shower

This weekend, PC and I experienced our first baby shower.  Add it to the surreal moments list!

Every month, we gather at PC's grandmother's house for a dinner.  She passed away four years ago and PC's dad and aunt bought the house with the main purpose being to do one of the last things that she said... "y'all take care of each other."  The house is still filled with her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren so it couldn't have been a better place to celebrate a new family member on the way.  She would have been proud:]

The dinner menu for the evening was lots of yummy sandwiches and appetizers.  The chocolate cake was sinful good!  I loved that it was the regular family get-together so PC was right by my side.  I hate attention so it helped so much to share the spotlight... even though the real spotlight is wiggling his way under my ribs right now:]  We received so many sweet and thoughtful gifts!  We had a 90 year old friend of the family to come who made us a crocheted blue blanket and told PC that was "to take to the hospital and if anyone sees a mistake, tell them it was made by a 90 year old woman who doesn't wear glasses!"  lol.  Will do.  He got a hooded towel that says "little miracle."  True words.  He got three tubs of butt paste and one container of boogie wipes, keeping it real!  Stuff to make our home safe, cute outfits, blankets, towels, wash cloths, soaps, lotion, diapers, shoes, gift cards and an ounce of silver Liberty Coin for his birth year.  Cool.  It was special and fun but overwhelming too.

My SIL did so much of the planning and I want to do something special for her.  I was really excited to send everyone home with a thank you gift from us.  It was a bag of popcorn and glass soda with a ribbon tied around it that said "About to POP.  Thank you for celebrating with us."  I saw the popcorn idea at another shower and added the soda pop to it and thought they turned out cute (will try to post pics).  I also gave everyone a candle with a poem about saying a prayer for the baby... an idea that came from pin.terest.  My niece calls this baby "Fred."  Before we knew it was a boy, she called him bigbird, then he became Fred.  I have no idea how it's stuck this long, but, since we don't have a name, everyone asks how Fred is doing.  My FIL put FRED on wooden letters on the fridge.  Funny.  We better get serious about a name or Fred is going to stick... and that's not one on our list!

The next baby shower will be hosted by my family & friends this weekend and will be held at our house, no stress there.  It will be small and casual, which is great with me.  This is all so sweet but I really don't need the gifts, I need this little boy, that.is.all.  Eight more weeks... then it's time for the REAL gift!

Still here...

I really have not meant to abandon my blog or those who I follow!  I'm reading and commenting when I can and the rest of my time has been devoted to an ever growing to-do list.  My must-have-everything-in-order-before-baby mentality has been in overdrive the past several weeks.  I wouldn't call it nesting, there has not been a lot of cleaning going on.  Instead, things like getting job duty notes ready in hopes that someone will be substituting for me while I'm on leave, putting a life insurance policy in place (something I meant to do long before pregnancy), doing a consignment sale, making some coupon trips, planning baby shower thank you gifts, participating in a book study with church... yada, yada.  Busy, but I'm so missing my time right here! 

Tomorrow I go to the ob/gyn to see if baby boy is still breech.  It feels like he's in every direction in there so I can't tell.  This weekend is our first shower with PC's family.  It's a dinner/shower and I'm so happy they've planned it that way so that he is every much a part of it as I am.  The whole "women only" more formal-type showers seem kind've sad to me because you're missing your best friend/partner at a time that's really special to them too, but -alas- I've agreed to one of those too later this month.  (Hmmm... not sure if all men would like doing the whole shower thing, but still feel bad they're left out.)

I have a feeling the next few weeks are going to be fun but overwhelming at the same time.  Physically, I'm starting to give out.  My 5'2" frame is being pulled and stretched to the limits.  I don't see how the baby has any wiggle room in there but I'm glad he's finding it!  I am anemic in the 3rd trimester which has led to an iron supplement and changing my diet to add more oatmeal, greens, beans and (gross, I know) chicken livers.  I'm admitting that I'm wiped out or whimped out or a combination with 9 weeks left, uh oh!

Last thoughts for those still reading... you would think after 5 years of dreaming of baby we would have picked out a name, but we never let our hearts or minds go there.  Now, getting closer than ever to a dream come true and we still do not have a name.  For some reason, we keep leaning toward an "H" name and these are three "contenders"  Hudson or maybe Hutson for a little different pronunciation or Hampton.  We've always liked Jake and/or Beau but those are being placed more in the middle name contenders.  Any thoughts on our "H" names?  No one will hurt our feelings unless you just say 'those all stink' lol!  These are just the names that have stayed on the "list" from the beginning.  We're open to suggestions!


Hope to blog more in the coming weeks and can't wait to meet several little miracle babies who were part of the March/April IVFs that resulted in BFPs.  Forever thankful to be in that group and hopeful that those who are still waiting will get to soon say the same!!!

Second Trimester Recap

Since I skipped the weekly updates... this is my improvising with the second trimester recap!  I cannot believe I'm heading into the third trimester this week... it seems like just yesterday I got the phone call that has since set our lives in a new and wonderful direction.  Blessed and beyond words for how thankful we are to be at this point in the pregnancy! 

How far along: Weeks 14-27

Symptoms:  Pregnancy brain... putting boxed food in the fridge for example, many nightly potty trips, some acid reflux for the first part of the second trimester, stuffy/bloody nose, some swelling in ankles if I'm on my feet for an extended time and oh-so-fun hot flashes for the past couple of weeks!  Still... not complaining, just documenting:]

Baby Related Purchases:  More yardsale finds... onesies, a wipe warmer, a bumbo seat, baby carrier and some toys.  Oh, PC and I also bought the bedding, a simple but sweet brown and blue pattern (below).  I finished our registry and there are some groups of friends/co-workers who want to go in on the bigger items (pack-n-play, travel system, etc. woo-hoo!)  Grandparents bought the nursery furniture and he already has a closet full of cute clothes thanks to grandma!

    

Maternity clothes:  I hit the jackpot this trimester with being able to go through two tubs of clothes from ladies my size who are done having babies.  Pants for $5 and shirts for $3... so I now have a complete fall/winter maternity wardrobe, all for under $100... score! 

Sleep: The boppy has been a big help but the trips to the bathroom have never slowed down, bleh.  I would say a night with 5 or more hours of sleep would be called a successful night!   

Best Moment of the Trimester:  Finding out the gender!  Feeling him kick and flip around in there!   

Strangest Moment:  The movement has been strange and so reassuring at the same time. 

Movement:  Finally, a little each day around week 19 and usually around the same time of the day.  From week 20 to the present, the kicks and flutters have been a constant reminder of what a miracle all of this is!  I didn't feel him move much the day before a recent doctor's appointment so I left work early to go to the appointment because I (along with PC) was starting to stress out a little.  I ate chocolate, laid on my side, drank fruit juice, poked him... and could not get any strong movement.  Dr. B6 did an ultrasound and it turned out that the little guy has recently turned completely frank breech and I was feeling less movement with the new position and his longer sleep cycles.  Dr. B6 said he has plenty of time to flip back around... let's hope so.     
 

Cravings:  Arby's roast beef and curly fries,  nectarines and blueberries, mint chocolate klondike bars, captain crunch cereal, and must confess....I've had a cup of coke or sweet tea pretty much every day this trimester. 

Gender:  BOY

What I miss:   Sleeping with PC, but I would feel worse keeping him up through the night...

What I am looking forward to: Completing the nursery and holding him, getting a step closer to a long-time dream every day and it brings tears to my eyes every time I think about it.  If only we could decide on a name!!!   

Weekly (or Second Trimester) Wisdom:  Let people help!   

Milestones: Entering the Third Trimester!

Sticky Bun is the size of: As of week 27, he is 2 lbs 3 oz with his head measuring ahead of schedule and his legs measuring behind.  The ob/gyn says not to worry and it sounds pretty much like his parents' genes anyway!

(No) Labor Day!

Labor Day has started off in the recliner on a rainy day, still in pajamas, with weeks worth of catching up on blogs as the task at hand:]  PC has decided to make his work day as light as possible so he's had his nose in a book (or guess I should say the Nook) this morning too.  A rare but welcome change of pace in our home today. 

As far as news with Baby Boy (still no name)--- we're both growing!  Total weight gain so far has been 15 pounds and I think most of it arrived the past three weeks!  It's also spreading to my backside and my ankles and my hands... but we'll worry about that later, right?!?  

We haven't seen him via u/s since July but I do know he is there with all of the kicking and flipping that goes on throughout the day.  PC and I found some great bargains at a yard sale this weekend... a babybjorn carrier, a keltikids backpack carrier, a bumbo seat, a boppy, a box full of good toys, crib sheets, changing sheets- all for $70.  I know these are all things we could put on a registry, but getting these things used for a fraction of the original price means I can reduce the registry to some true essentials like diapers and such.  My mom bought him the cutest outfit, I love this...

PC and I are just working and trying to take one day at a time as we have 14 weeks left in this pregnancy... can't even believe that as I type it!!! 


Now back to catching up on what's been going on with all of you the past couple of weeks!

Viability & Vocation!

Long lost blogger here to say "24 weeks today BABY!"  I don't have to share the significance of that here... a milestone that we've been waiting on!  It feels like, from this point on, I can count each week as another big step forward in getting closer to our little miracle baby.

Maybe we should really start figuring out a name for this little guy!

No time like the present to tell you all why I've been an absent blogger since mid-July and the "name game" is so difficult.  I've never really said exactly what my job is here because the purpose of this blog has been so entirely separate from what goes on in my professional life.  I also never wanted to risk someone IRL coming across this blog and misinterpreting anything.  However, I rarely mention my work here and have no intentions of using this blog for discussing anything that happens at work so I'm not worrying about it anymore!  What a blog "mouthful" to say that I'm in the field of education.  I've been absent in blog world to get everything prepared for a new school year and then they all showed up!  Whew!  My job was tiring without being pregnant!  That's another reason it's so hard to narrow down the list of names!  Every name makes me think "that name belongs to that child" even though I know our child can share a name.  (Well, minus those of repeat offenders, lol!)  I've had a few little kids point and ask "is that a baby in there?"  I just smile and say "yes it is" and go on with business as usual.

Infertility is hard for everyone but for those of us in education, it is especially difficult to give so much of your life to taking care of other people's children every day... and wanting so badly to share some of those experiences as a parent.  It was all I could do to hold back the tears at the end of the school year when I was still keeping it a secret that I was pregnant and our Pre-K students sang about saying goodbye to their friends and being ready for Kindergarten.  I can't wait for those special moments... with camera and kleenex in hand of course:]   

Doggie(s)

I'm so behind in the blogosphere I don't know when or if I'll ever catch up!  I went back to work last Monday and the month of August continues to be a blur right now!  I did find time this weekend to have a photo shoot with our furbabies in order to put their pictures up in the nursery.  Will it be okay if our baby's first word is doggie?  :] 

From one IF to another

The following is a recent email conversation with another IF sister that I know IRL.  She went through IVF a few years ago and it didn't work.  My heart hurt to type the words "I'm expecting" and hurt when I got the response because I want this so badly for her too.  I'm posting the conversation here because our words to each other would be so foreign to those who never had trouble conceiving.  But it's as if we spoke back and forth in true IF language and I will always remember what it was like to get to this point and that I have friends through the blog world and IRL who are still fighting and how much I want you/them to WIN. 

Me:  Hi B!  I wasn't sure if you had heard the news that I'm expecting. I wanted to tell you that we went through IVF this past spring... I only had 5 eggs... 4 fertilized... 2 normally (none to freeze) and one stuck!  It's hard to send this to someone who I want the same outcome for so badly on this journey that we didn't ask for.  I know you will still be happy for me... not holding a baby yet, but closer than ever to beating infertility. 

M!  No, I hadn't heard!  I must say, I'm glad to hear it from YOU!  I know it's hard to share with someone who deals with infertility but I'm so glad you did and of course I'm happy for you!  I'm glad you only had to go through IVF once.  It's not the most enjoyable experience is it?  We still have 5 frozen embryos...as I was so friendly reminded when the "storage" bill arrived recently.  Not sure when we'll go through the process to use them...time is running out (turned 38 this summer....ugh.)  In the meantime, we've recently begun paperwork to adopt from China.  The wait is really long, but our hearts our led to see it through.  Back to your good news....please take care of yourself, enjoy, breathe deeply, and take in every precious moment.  You deserve it and are going to be such a great mom!!!

Me:  Thank you!  I couldn't have gone through IVF more than once financially, physically or emotionally so I'm certainly counting my blessings.  I missed so much work and my backside is still sore from the progesterone shots that ended 8 weeks ago!  People think that IVF always works the first time and results in boy/girl twins, so far from the truth!  We just got a bill yesterday for the back-up (required) sample of frozen sperm... people just DON'T know!  It's not that I want anyone to experience it, but some level of understanding and sensitivity from the fertile myrtles would be nice.  I'm excited to hear about the adoption process and I will pray that it happens sooner than later for you!  Just know that you have a supporter here and I will be celebrating when I get the same update from you!!! 

Eek...haven't had those progesterone shots in a while, but I can feel your pain...literally!  And I think it hurts our husbands as much as it hurts us!  You are so right that people just don't know.  One year when we had several pregnancies here, someone said to me, "you should drink from the water fountains."  REALLY?  I can't even respond when people say stuff like that because I'm so dumbfounded and speechless.  I could go on and on about comments from the fertile myrtles, but I won't.  I'm sure you've heard it all, too!

Life is Good

This week, PC and I painted (windows open and fan on) and put up some crown molding in the evolving baby nursery.  We had family over all weekend to celebrate PC's birthday and my sweet cousin stayed with us to paint something special on one wall of the nursery.  We LOVE it.  The theme for the nursery, as well as our lives, is Jeeps, Dogs and Books:] 

Have I said that this still feels like I'm living in a dream?  Have I said thank you God that we are preparing a room for a little miracle baby boy?  Have I said... Life is Good.  Dog Gone. 

Happy Birthday PC!

In one year, some things don't change.

 

You still find time to do things with your nieces that make them laugh and adore you even more.

Then, some things do change.

As you get ready to paint and prepare a room for your son.

The journey gets more interesting and there's no one else I'd rather share it with.  You are a wonderful husband and this little boy will be very lucky to have you as a father.  I love you, PC!  Happy Birthday!!!  

Boppy & need decorating advice!

I'm still laughing about all the scary rocker horse comments.  To be fair, I should probably post a pic sometime of the entire rocker to back-up my earlier statement that it looks like "it belongs in a museum."  That picture shows his "belongs in an asylum" features, lol!   

#1- Boppy- If you are pregnant or when you do get pregnant, I want to say the Boppy Total Body Pillow (shown in the middle of the day bed) has been great!  My mom bought it for me and I was weary at first because it just looked big and bulky but let me say "move over PC."  (Awww, for 20 more weeks anyway!)  I have just started sleeping in our guest room on the day bed because of 2-3 nightly trips to the bathroom and all the tossing and turning, and PC is a light sleeper so it's for both of us!  Anyway, I put pillows behind me and then wrap around the Boppy and it's the best I can do for comfortable side sleeping.

 

 #2- Decorating advice- I know there are some decorator/designer blog buddies out there and I need your help!  We have these built-ins on each side of our fireplace and I can't think of anything to do with them.  I love the storage space below but the top is so boring.  How would it look if I covered them with some type of fabric?  What else can I do with the space?  Any and all advice appreciated!
    

Mid-point ultrasound & scary rocker horse :]

First, I just wanted to say that the comments on the last post were great thoughts on childcare but I realized what I wrote (oops) sounded like my MIL could keep the baby full-time and I turned her down.  For several reasons, she would only be able to keep the baby 1-2 days a week unless we were in a real bind.  It would be ideal if I could find someone (or a great daycare) 2-3 days during the week  and the grandparents could do the other time... so I'll be praying for the right person or situation to cross our path in the next few months:]

Earlier this week we had our mid-point anatomy ultrasound...un-believable... and I'm beyond thankful that we've made it this far!  Surreal.  They scanned the brain, heart, arms, legs, boy parts, profile, bladder and he posed for each shot, lol.  The u/s tech called him Mr. Photogenic and I told her I hope that would be true after he gets here because I love to take pictures!  My mom has already brought up that too much flash may hurt his eyes...gracious... let the advice begin, right?   I have to show y'all one of my favorites... doesn't it look like he's flexing his muscles and showing out already?

It was a fun appointment and made things feel a little more real for us.  We won't get to see him again via u/s for several weeks so I hope that he starts moving around in there more frequently.  I also got blood drawn for what Dr. B6 called the 'quad screening' which checks for levels of four substances that indicate risk of Down's Syndrome, spina bifida, or Trisomy 18.  Dr. B6 says he doesn't see anything that causes concern and the main reason for the test would be knowledge and preparation if something did come back abnormal (which would mean more testing).  It's always nerve wrecking waiting on test results but I have a peace about everything.  I think the next test coming up is the one for gestational diabetes and then maybe I'll have those kinds of things behind me for the rest of the pregnancy.

Lastly, remember this post about scary rocker horse?  I promised a picture when it came to live with us and it now resides in the basement for the time being.  It didn't scare the dogs so maybe we'll be in luck when it comes to the baby:]  However, I rounded the corner last night and my heart nearly flew out of my chest... and I knew it was there!!!  What do y'all think?    That's real human hair, people.  Baby's friend or foe???

camping, childcare, etc.

Last weekend we went camping with PC's parents and his brother's family.  Please tell me... where will we put a baby... much less any baby stuff?!?

Yes, that is a small a/c unit.  We rigged it up on the screened porch end of the tent so that me and baby didn't get too miserably hot.  (I still think we were roughin it compared to the others with RV's complete with water, a/c, and bathrooms!) 
We had a good time.  We tricked my FIL by giving him a pink gift bag. There was a blue onesie inside that had "Team Grandpa" on it.  He has claimed from Day 1 that I was carrying his grandson so we wanted to have a little fun with that.  Really, he would have been happy with another little granddaughter to have wrapped around his finger but this little boy is coming after a long line of girls on PC's side so that's okay too!
In one of the baby conversations on the trip, SIL asked me if I had thought about childcare.  I told her I would like to find someone to keep him in their home or someone to come to our home rather than daycare until he's a little older. MIL told me (later) that her feelings were hurt because we hadn't asked her to keep the baby.  To tell the truth, I never thought about asking a grandparent to change their routine to keeping a baby 40+ hours a week.  Help us? Back-up?  Yes!  PC and I have known since we started TTC that we would be a two parent working home and we would just have to make it work like many other families in the same situation.  We wouldn't leave our child with just anyone and we wouldn't choose a daycare blindly... the grandmothers are going to have to trust us on that!  Whew!  Overwhelmed thinking about all this already!  

Boy oh Boy

120 miles + $40 + one cup of orange juice later

= one active little BOY on the way here :] 

Ecstatic!

Boy or Girl?

Wish we knew!  Arrrghhhh!  I have admiration for those of you who wait and want it to be a surprise!  I don't want to wait any longer but this little one is not about to unlock those legs despite all the pushing and pleading Dr. B6 was doing today!  The cord was wrapped in the middle area too so that further blocked any kind of "money shot."  SO... I called around this afternoon to find a place that does 3D/4D ultrasounds/gender scans and I asked them to work me in asap!  At this point, I'm willing to pay to find out pink or blue.  Any advice out there?  Should I drink a forbidden coke?  What can I do to get this little guy/girl moving around in there?!?  To be continued...

Humpday Hero Award

I am super excited to be today's recipient of the Humpday Hero Award over at The Stork Drop Zone!  I wrote a message to my readers in the post and honestly feel that the true award belongs right back to all of YOU!  Thank you so much to whoever felt I was worthy enough to receive the honor!  I wanted to display the button proudly so I opened my e-mail to ask Carlia how to do it and she had already sent instructions...awesome... a big thank you Carlia for creating the award and keeping the IF sisterhood even more connected:]

First Trimester Recap

Some co-workers were telling me they wrote to their child while they were pregnant, they read and sang to their belly, etc.  I thought about writing in a journal but I knew I would never keep up with it.  I told PC I was already behind in keeping some sort of record of this pregnancy and his response was "Did your mom do that?"  (No)  "Do you think my mom did that?" (No) "Then is it something you really have to do?" (Well, I guess not)  Then, it occurred to my pregnancy brain (save that for another post) that I have recorded my thoughts... a lot of them anyway... right here!!!  However, I have not included a weekly update so I'm going to improvise a little and use the list below for the First Trimester. 

How far along: Weeks 1-13

Symptoms: Some off and on nausea the first few weeks that subsided around week 9 (never threw up!), excessive saliva (very first symptom that has never went away... I went from lemon drops to bubble gum to just dealing with it), sore bbs just for the first couple of weeks, strange and vivid dreams, 1-2 nightly potty trips, tired most in the early afternoon, my least favorite- constipation, overall- just happy to be in this place

Baby Related Purchases:  To baby... love you dearly but you will find out that I'm always looking for bargains.  No worries, grandma has already loaded you up with some of the cutest things and is fussing at me about how her "grandbaby isn't going to have all used stuff."  Nevertheless, we've bought a used-but-in-excellent-condition pack-n-play, swing, monitor, a couple of outfits and a diaper genie.  We're looking and researching about things for you that will be all new such as a crib, furniture and travel system.        

Maternity clothes:  Yes, I can't button regular pants.  I've gained 5 pounds and I can't button over it or under it! 

Sleep: Wake up 1-2x a night to pee... if I can work in a mid-afternoon nap, one of my most favorite places to be is in the hammock chair on the back porch, oh so cozy... PC snapped a pic one afternoon

Best Moment of the Trimester:  Telling others, especially my mom

Strangest Moment:  It's been strange, in a good way, just to think about another little life growing inside of me!

Movement:  Not yet, but I am listening to your sweet heartbeat every day:]  

Cravings:  Salty & sour over sweet, just about everything I ate during the first six weeks I couldn't bear the thought of eating the next six weeks... felt bad for PC because that included his favorite, Mexican food.

Gender:  Have a prediction based on our last ultrasound, but waiting until our next appointment on July 5th to make it official.

Belly Button: In... is it supposed to pop out?  That will be freaky, I must say!

What I miss:  sushi (when a craving strikes) and I could use a little extra dose of energy... hoping that's around the corner 

What I am looking forward to: Second Trimester... finally announcing blue or pink...feeling movement

Weekly (or First Trimester) Wisdom:  Keep crackers or nuts or something in the car when hunger strikes!  Invest in expensive toilet paper for all the extra trips to the bathroom!  Read The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy.  Enjoy every single sweet second:]  

Milestones: The First Trimester!!! 

Sticky Bun is the size of: somewhere around a lemon and apple... when people ask how big you are, I speak in terms of fruit!!!

And... the end of the first trimester bump...

Random-ness

We have been failing in the furbaby parent department. Our Gentle Giant (below) has had a persistent skin problem on his chest area since he was a puppy.  We haven't ignored it but we've just kept it under control with meds, regular vet checks and daily brushing.  The groomer told us last week those things are just not giving him enough relief:[  So, our precious big boy (in addition to what we've already been doing) is now on a gluten free diet (btw- Rachel Ray dry dog food is good stuff), topped with yogurt and omega oils and a nightly spray on his chest of diluted apple cider vinegar and white vinegar in the ears.  He stinks, but it already seems to be helping! 

I wanted to respond to the question about the fetal doppler.  I bought the Contec pocket fetal doppler with LCD that sells on Amazon from $58-80 depending on whether or not it has the LCD screen.  There's another one advertised (Hi Bebe) for $99 and it has more reviews.  The one I bought works fine as you can gather from my last post.  I use lotion instead of any gel and (so far) our little one stays in about the same place so the heartbeat has been fairly easy to find.  I'm looking forward to feeling movement and this tool gives me some reassurance until that happens, or while I'm waiting on the next ultrasound.  I recommend one... the ob/gyn said it's very safe and I can use it as much as I want.  I've pulled it out for my nieces, the grandparents and just about anyone who comes through our front door!  

Book recommendation- I have a very good friend- thank you LP- who has passed on some great baby items to me along with a book, The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy.  I highly recommend this book when you get your BFP!  The author (a former play.boy centerfold, btw) tried for over three years to conceive so she also knows that it's just not that easy.  She writes from the perspective of what your girlfriends would tell you about pregnancy rather than your doctor, and it's hilarious but full of good information at the same time.  There are short statements throughout the book for DH to read too!

Speaking of DH, I didn't get him a gift as a father-to-be but I hope that we have many, many years ahead to celebrate.  If this is a baby boy, it's my hope that he turns out to be a mini-PC in every possible way (well... with two exceptions... eating habits and computer preference)!  The world would be better place with another man just like him!  :]

Have a great week blog friends!!!

Hello, My name is Miss Mac...

and I'm a fetal doppler junkie.  Must get my heartbeat fix daily!  Today's fix... 154 bpm :]

Still Here!!!

Two weeks since my last post, yikes!  I have been wrapping up things at work to be off for a few weeks and we just got back from a three night beach trip.  We really didn't engage in too much baby talk during our drive except for making comments about where we would put its stuff!  

About two hours from home, I started having long, sharp cramps that went from the left side to the right.  I recognized them immediately as IBS "pain before poop" cramps (sorry TMI).  For about two hours, I had the cramps and then the lovely trips to the bathroom, which also included throwing up once... UGH!  That was never pleasant prior to pregnancy but it scared and worried me to the core!  I had to remind myself that women get stomach viruses and sickness during pregnancy and to trust my body to protect our little one.  I bought a fetal doppler off of eb.ay and it was in the mail when we returned from our trip, good timing.  We found the heartbeat (around 140 bpm) pretty quick and that helped ease my mind a little. 

Today we went in for a check-up and the ob/gyn (Dr. B6) didn't have us scheduled for an ultrasound but after the cramping episode, he offered and of course we said yes!  The baby was relaxing in there, hands above his/her head and little legs crossed.  Dr. B6 made a gender prediction but doesn't want to officially "call it" until the next ultrasound, three weeks away.  So, that's to be continued...

Dr. B6 did tell me "I know you don't want to hear this, but it is getting time to normalize this pregnancy.  I know you went through a lot to get to this point, but you have a normal baby in there and you need to realize it."  I simply said, "that's hard to do."  I really do want to embrace this pregnancy and look at baby nursery stuff and think about names... I'm just not there yet but I'm getting closer every day! 

Peace and a unique gift

PC and I finally got to a place of peace yesterday where we felt good about sharing our news with co-workers, friends and extended family.  At my place of work, pregnancy announcements are made on the e-mail system and the subject is always "great news."  I bet I've read 20+ of those since I've worked at the same place (with lots of women) over the past 10 years and I never thought there would be one with my name beside it.  It was a surreal moment to hit that "send" button.  The comments I have gotten back have been those of genuine happiness for us and I will always cherish each response.  In the e-mail, I gave credit to modern medicine as well as prayers for our blessing on the way because I want my story to be out there for anyone who may need to hear it.  I've already had two people to share their struggles with me and I'm telling them I am there to listen or to be a support in any way possible.  Why do so many suffer in silence and have to feel so alone?  1 in 8... that's a lot of people who need each other!  And, yes, I will always be 1 in 8 because a pregnancy does not erase everything it took to get to this point.  It just says "I'm getting closer to beating you IF!"    
Back to our peace...it came during yesterday's ultrasound.  I was so worried all morning because of my week without many symptoms.  This little one put on quite a show that said to me "Stop worrying so much, I'm having a good time in here."  Good time indeed.  He/she bounced off the top of it's roof, landed cross legged, repeated, then put his/her little baby butt on the big screen.  Here's a pic of the first bounce...

PC and I are on the reserved, quiet side and I'm already getting the impression we have a little attention-seeker growing in there!  It is such a wonderful feeling to walk away from a good ultrasound.  It keeps the worries at bay for a few days anyway. 
We visited my mom today and she said she had something to give us that she had been storing for two years.  I had no clue what it could be.  It turned out to be this solid wood, beautifully painted rocking horse with big teeth, bulging eyes and real human hair.  Y'all- we tried our best to be positive and excited for my mom but I have been so tickled ever since from something that looks like it might give a child nightmares and/or result in an ER trip!  I will have to show you all but (for now) we are leaving it at my mom's house because we didn't have enough room in our car to haul it back.  I'm not trying to come across as ungrateful at all.  The details and woodwork are amazing!  Mom estimates that it is worth nearly $300!  But it looks like it belongs in a museum rather than a nursery!  (If by some chance my mom has come across this blog and has never told me... I love you dearly and the scary rocker horse will probably turn out to be a big hit, it's just the initial shock of something so unique!)  I really believe one of two things will happen... our child will ride that horse like it's the real thing while we hold our breath that it stays on the ground or it will be terrified of it and we'll say "if you don't clean your room, I'll go get Mr. Horse" and the child will have a spotless room.  (Sorry if this is a major parenting mistake, but my friend got amazing results from calling up Chuck-e-Cheese when her child was being defiant!)  Either way, I think scary rocker horse is going to end up in a lot of memories!    

A bump, a project and a worry

First, the bump.  I know it's freaky to crop out my head but I'm just not completely ready to bare all in blog world... yet.  Really, this is a combination bump + bloat leftover from all the hormones.  I can wear most of my capris, but they are tight.  I come home and put on elastic waist anything..... and it feels SO good!  I'm still wearing all of my regular shirts but bought two maternity shirts from Old Navy to wear this summer, and I'm wearing one in the pic. 

The project.  Do you ever have an area of your home that is neglected for a whole season?  That is exactly what happened all winter where our garage is concerned.  We let stuff accumulate and swept once or twice on a warm day (although it's not evident from the before pic).  We had a beautiful weekend in the southeast so the garage got a total makeover.  Right now, I'm taking an extended break to blog because I am pooped!  We cleaned out, swept, mopped, organized, and then I embarrassed PC by making labels for everything.  He (smirkingly) said "are you doing this so if we die everyone will know where stuff goes?"  And I (smirkingly) replied "exactly!"  He had no more comments!  Alas, the before...  (I've also had other priorities... like IVF!)

And the finished product.  We made enough room to bring up a spare fridge from the basement that's used for PC's job so we still have that left to do.  

And, finally, the worry.  I hate to end two positives with a negative, but I can't help it.  I haven't felt any symptoms this weekend.  No cravings/aversions/off and on nausea/sore bbs/tiredness... I've really just felt normal with the exception of sneezing and a runny nose that I'm pretty sure can be blamed on all the pollen.  Everything I've read says that pregnancy symptoms come and go.  I'm at the end of week #10 and I think some of the earlier symptoms start to taper off at this point.  Still, you know it didn't stop me from POAS.  And the darn $1.00 store tests rarely show a test line that's darker than the control line.  It makes my mind race with more worries, especially since I switched from PIO shots to suppositories this week.  I'm driving PC crazy about it.  I know there are some ladies out there who are shouting right now "enjoy... I wish that were my case" because they have been so sick.  I feel bad for complaining about not feeling yucky.  I just wish I could see in my uterus right now!  Five days to the next ultrasound and that feels like such a long time!

I see getting through the first trimester as such a huge milestone.  I'm currently in another 2WW to get to that point and my prayers haven't changed... please stay with me and keep growing little Mac or PC!    

Last PIO

Tonight= Last PIO shot:]  My backside says "yay!"  PC says "thank goodness!"  Tomorrow=PIP (progesterone in privates) twice a day until week 12:[  Four more estrogen patches to go!  In a way, I want to hang on to these medicines because they've become a type of security blanket.  Things only an IVFer would say! 

Thinking of Baby Hopes this evening, who has not gotten two lines from her first IVF cycle.  I know we share many of the same readers and you will all join me in sending a big virtual group hug her way!  She is such an encouragement to so many on this journey and I wish I knew when we will be able to celebrate wih her... because I know we will!

A Food Story

I just had to chronicle this strange and almost comical love/hate relationship with food in the first trimester.   I must admit that when I used to hear women comment that they just "had to have so and so" I was mentally writing that off as an exaggeration, fabrication or a combination of those two.  I was oh.so.wrong!  Warning:  Don't read further if you're in the first trimester and have full m/s (so sorry).  This post probably won't help! 
My food story starts with weeks 4-6 that were filled with
ginger ale
lemon drops
all things salty & sour (especially chips & olives)
pop tarts & bagels
pizza
beef jerky
combos
lots of Mexican food
and more meat than veggies.  Some fruits.  Adult prenatal vitamins.
Cross all of that out in weeks 6-8 with the exception of still preferring the salty and sour and then it was
cheese grits
cheese
biscuits
fish sandwiches & hushpuppies
salad
hamburgers
sour popsicles
sprite
and gum, ice cube peppermint to be exact.  Different fruit than weeks 4-6.  Flinstones chewables.
Now I'm at week 9 and thus begins a new food love affair that includes
fruity gum
gravy & biscuit
fruit with cottage cheese
noodles & pasta
soup
peanut butter & jelly sandwiches and I haven't gotten a pack of those baby carrots yet but I fully intend on doing so this weekend.
Again, my reason for posting is because I think it's so funny how it really is true that I don't control what I eat right now, my mind/body/stomach controls me!  I'm not going to force myself to eat something that just the thought of it brings on the gag reflex, so I eat whatever feels right at that time.  My problem is that the crossed off list keeps growing!  I'm hoping there is a veggie phase coming up soon!  Seriously, I am so thankful that I've had (thus far, knock on wood) mild nausea that comes on and off through the day (mostly before it's time to eat and at night) but without throwing up.  I read blogs of women who have at home IV's to help with their nutrition or those who have to nibble here and there just trying to keep something down (thus the warning at the top of this post).  I truly believe that this process is one of such miracle magnitude that it's a good thing for the body to be in control of this love/hate relationship with food.  Whatever the reason, I'm so happy to be along for the ride!

Blogging on the Backburner

Blogging has been on the backburner here lately because somewhere around week 8, my energy level dropped to near zero and exhaustion has taken over.  No wonder there is a nesting stage... it's needed to get everything back in order from doing next to nothing!  Bring it on!  Last week was filled with busy days at work and crashing in the evening.  I have at least been attempting to read and comment on your blogs before my nightly crash. 

I had five years and nine months to think about how I would treat a pregnancy... do exactly as the doctor said, eat tons of fresh fruits and veggies, only drink water, etc.  Give me a Big Fat "F!"  My prenatal vitamins started to bring on the gag reflex last week so I skipped two days until finally resorting to Flinstones, childhood old faithful.  (I checked with the doctor- take two and add DHA, good to go!)  I've developed aversion to water, seriously.  I was doing so good and all of a sudden, I want anything but H2O!  I still order it when we go out but I'm having way more juice and sprite than I should.  The good news about my eating?  I want nothing to do with sweets, unless you can count gum and an occasional piece of candy.  But let's look at today and you will cringe... butter biscuit with grape jelly for breakfast, soup, sandwich and salad for lunch (not so bad), fast food fish sandwich (gross!) and fries for supper and cantaloupe and cottage cheese for an evening snack.  This is the best I can do for my miracle baby?  Miracle baby, by the way, has sprung a tiny little set of arms and legs that we saw yesterday on our "stalking the ob/gyn to get an ultrasound before he goes on vacation" visit.  PC said he/she looked like Casper the Ghost and the ob/gyn agreed.  I prefer they not refer to this precious little being as a ghost, but at least it was in reference to a friendly one!!! 

The past four years, we've "ran" on Mother's Day weekend... a quick get away and time spent with each other.  This year we stayed home (partly due to our depleted savings) went to church, napped and ate dinner with PC's family.  My mom, grandma, and two close friends told me "Happy Mother's Day" and it just felt weird.  Yes, I'm closer to being a mom than I ever have been but it still sounded like they were speaking to me in a foreign language.  Surreal.  At work, there were several "Happy Mother's Day" mass e-mails and my heart still hurt and it still felt like a sting.   It doesn't go away.  On the hormonal flip side, PC said and did absolutely nothing and I let that hurt my feelings.  We're in unchartered territory and I guess I thought it would have been an appropriate day for him to at least say he was excited.  The only indication PC has given me that he is excited is when he put our first ultrasound picture as the background on his cell phone, replacing a picture of his favorite president.  Men just process and respond to situations differently, I should know that by now!
Hope everyone is having a great week!

OB/GYN Mission: Accomplished

You ladies are right, sometimes we just have to take control and if it requires stalking the ob/gyn, that's what it takes!
Dr. B6 (my 3rd times a charm ob/gyn since TTC) called me back before lunch today.  He is full of enthusiasm and energy and empathy... I need him!  I gave him the short version of our IVF cycle and told him that I really wanted at least two more ultrasounds through the first trimester.  He said that would be no problem and if insurance didn't cover one of them, he would!  I told him that the protocol that we were still following from the RE included PIO, estrogen patches and no sex...yet.  He made it clear that he would follow that protocol and said that our first time being intimate since this process started may be difficult but it would be important for us as a couple.   He said it's as if we would be-----are you ready for this----- revirginated emotionally.  It was such a serious conversation but that phrase made me want to lol.  I had to write it down on my calendar to remember to tell PC.  PC agrees with Dr. B6 that it is very important that we reconnect in that way as soon as we can.  Of course. Truth be told, if we were given the "green light" tomorrow I still don't think it would happen for a little while longer anyway.  Anyways, I now have ultrasounds scheduled for weeks 9 and 11 so mission accomplished! 

I'm feeling pretty good right now.  When I'm hungry, I'm hungry!  I've been keeping crackers and nuts in my desk and in the car for those moments.  During weeks 4-6, I could eat anything, had little or no nausea and tender bbs but tolerable.  During weeks 6-8, I only want to eat certain foods, nausea comes and goes (but no running to the bathroom), the bbs are pretty much back to normal...maybe a little bigger, yippee!  What I'm really loving this week... Mayfield Sour Popsicles!  I wish it were fruit instead but maybe that will be next week.  Shouldn't fruit flavors count for something??? 

Introducing...

A future Mac fan, don't you think?  

When we got to the waiting room, Ms. Hateful Hurry u/s tech called another patient back and PC and I literally whispered "oh no" at the same time.  She turned our way and I was really hoping she hadn't just heard us!  I don't think so because, to our suprise and delight, she was patient and NICE!  

I told PC before the appointment "I can't see anything so as soon as you see the heartbeat, but ONLY when you see it for sure, give me a thumbs up!"  So, I got in the position and turned my head to PC.  He had his thumb in the middle... waiting, waiting... it went up a little, then back to the middle... finally- thumbs up!  Note to fellow IVF'ers, this wasn't the best idea I ever had.  Those seconds felt like hours!  

The u/s tech gave us the measurements and then she turned on the doppler.  Omg.  The first time, I didn't hear anything but the wahh wahh of the machine, but today it was bump bump bump... 167 bmp of music to our ears!  

Oh, I don't think I've shared that I have good luck prenatal panties!  Maybe I shouldn't share that, but too late.   They are VS gray with little sparkles and I have worn them (no worries, always clean) to retrieval, transfer and both ultrasounds.  I do realize they come off before each procedure but I take some comfort in always having the same undies ready for each trip to the RE.  It's like I pull them out of the drawer and it gives me some kind of "we can get through another milestone" self-talk moment.  What will I do when they no longer fit?!?    I digress...

We graduated today!  They release patients at 8 weeks so now the only thing left of our clinic is the estrogen patches, PIO shots, the bill and (let's not forget) one little Mac or PC!  On the way home, I called to set up my first appointment with the ob/gyn.  They gave me this or that reason why the next available appointment isn't until four weeks away... no way people!  Later, I called back and left a message for the ob/gyn to give me a call.  If he hasn't called by tomorrow afternoon, I will call him back.  I am not opposed to ob/gyn stalking!  I only want to ask him for VIP treatment through the first trimester.  I need to tell him, "the RE got me pregnant, now please help keep me that way!"

We just feel so fortunate right now but the fears keep hanging on.  We keep pushing back the timeline for telling everyone beyond our immediate family, a few close friends and our pastor.  We're at 8 weeks and I've told PC, let's wait until the 10 week u/s.  At that time, I will probably say let's wait until 12.  I clearly have seen and heard the heartbeat and have the pictures of this little living being within me... why am I doing this?  When will I truly believe that this is our time for a miracle that we've so waited and prayed for? 

Quick Post

Saturday morning is starting out nice with a buttery blueberry muffin and blog catching up!  It's a beautiful day in the southeast.  PC is outside with his iPod blasting while he works on home improvement projects.  We are very lucky that our community was spared from the recent tornadoes as so many of our neighboring states were not so lucky.  We have a basement with a storage area that also serves as a storm shelter and I'm glad we have it but hope we never have to use it for that reason!

In pregnancy news, we're two days away from ultrasound #2.  If all goes well, it will most likely be my last appointment with the RE.  I have a blog friend who was at the same point of graduating from the RE when she was given the devastating news that they couldn't find a hearbeat.  Please send Angie some support.  This is especially heartbreaking news in the lives of those who battle IF.  Thinking about you Angie!



 

Telling Family

This weekend we let family in on our little secret.  It was the perfect weekend because we had family dinners on both Saturday and Sunday.  We told both sets of parents by giving them an Easter card with our first ultrasound picture in the back.   The inside said "Happy Easter and Merry Christmas!"

PC's parents got teary and told us they were very happy for us.  BIL gave me a hug and our nieces were wide eyed and had the "really/are you serious" reaction.  It was sweet.  There were some aunts, uncles and cousins there and everyone was genuinely excited for us. 


Today, on Easter, was the day to tell my mom.  I am an only child.  I was raised by a single mom.  Those who know her, love her.  She is the life of the party and you just don't mess with her friends or family.  I think most of her lively spirit skipped me.  The last concert I went to was Ray Stevens (another story for another time) and the last one my mom went to was Kid Rock.  Case in point.  She is a breast cancer survivor and lives life to the fullest.  All that said, I am her baby and she has never been shy about making it known that she wants a grandbaby!  Even before PC and I were married, she started talking about "when I have grandbabies" this and that.  After two or three years had passed I made it known that it might not be in our future.  She started blaming herself for my infertility... something about taking medicine for nausea while she was pregnant with me.  I told her it was not her fault that I had lazy ovaries!  Most of the baby talk subsided... until today... we were all at my grandparents house and had just surprised them with a get away trip for their birthday.  I took a card over to my mom and told her "Happy Easter" and she said "awww...thanks." I gave her the same card that we gave PC's parents and my mom was a little slow, lol.  She said "why does this say Merry Christmas?" I had drawn an arrow to the next page and told her to keep looking.  She stared, put her head closer to the card like she needed to see it real close, then started bawling out loud.  I mean loud, happy sobs.  PC caught the whole thing on his cell phone.  It was so cute... she was sitting on the loveseat and her legs started pumping up and down during the sobs.  Everyone was like, "what did you write in that card?"  She showed the card to my aunt, then she started crying, then my granny... then the hugs.  My cousin had brought a friend with him to dinner today who none of us really knew and my mom went up to him and said "I'm gonna be a grandma."  So funny.  It was very, very special.  She told me I would never have to buy a single diaper.  PC was like "oh yeah!"  I don't know that my mom would want her pic out on blogland but here is one of many with her mouth open in an "omg" way.  I gave her the Grandmother Willow Tree Angel in the gift bag. 

It felt good.  Contagious, optimistic joy that PC and I needed a good dose of.  We told both families that we only want to share the news with family right now and we would appreciate their prayers.  We told them it's early and the next couple of weeks will be especially important.

Here is my short and simple Easter prayer and if anyone is reading this and feels led, please just tell God you second my prayer:]

Dear God- Thank you for this Easter Sunday and the promise of new life.  Thank you for this little miracle baby who is so loved already.  Please let his or her heart keep beating strong.  Please let him or her keep growing safely within me.  Amen.   

For those reading who are still in the trenches of infertility and waiting on a BFP, I want you all to have a day like this.  I can't wait to celebrate with you!