Five Months

I'm sitting here the night before Mother's Day, reading through blogs and occasionally glancing up to watch the first movie that PC and I have rented since bringing home a baby five months ago.  PC fell asleep in the recliner within the first 15 minutes, about the same time as baby boy who is in his swing just a few feet away.  It all makes me :].
It appears that I'm only going to be able to post a monthly update until I can figure out how to fit blogging into my life as a working mom.  I am thankful to have that problem! 

Five Months

Weight- 14 lbs

Height- 26"

Clothing- some 3-6 months, 6 month jumpers and onesies

Diapers- size 2

Hair- Finally growing and looking light brown/blonde

Eyes- Blue

Feeding- Every 2 1/2-3 hours, longer stretches at night- you prefer the "more frequent small meals" plan

Sleeping- you have started really fighting sleep through the day so we're lucky to get in more than 30 minutes for a nap, you wake about twice through the night

Favorites- Jumperoo

Firsts- cereal

Things to remember:

You wake up in the morning calm and serious, but smiling on cue!  You wake up so suddenly from naps... you will be asleep one minute and we look over at you the next and you are staring right back at us, funny!

You are starting to recognize family and generally do well with people you don't see as often, but you are always scanning a room for a familiar face.  

You have started getting some rice cereal and a little bit of fruit every evening.  You hit the tray then spread your arms out to say "more."  It ends up looking like the Karate Kid balancing pose!  

We had our first visit to the pedi for cold-like symptoms.  Turned out to just be allergies, which we are accustomed to around here!  We keep the humidifier going and suction your nose often. 

You love for us to hold you up on your legs so that you can stomp the floor, or dance if that's what you're trying to do!  

One night I was laying by you singing to get you to sleep and you started "singing" with me, I laughed and cried at the same time, it was so sweet!  Warning:  I am only a shower/car singer!

You enjoy touching anything and everything with your hands or your feet, so curious!   
Still nothing makes you as happy as a bath!

You will repeat a few sounds and try to imitate our funny faces- we say "hey" and you say "a."  
We have gotten just a couple of giggles out of you... I've tried every silly thing I know to do but you are one serious little dude.   
Poop is something we celebrate these days!  It comes about every 3-4 days and you are cranky on that last day and a much happier baby afterwards, we've added a little apple prune juice to try to help speed things along.  
You do not want anyone to see you sleeping, so you pull the cover/burp cloth over your eyes.  


I know there are things I'm leaving out but it is time to wrap up this Mother's Day by snuggling with my boys and sending up a special thank you prayer... this is a day I used to dream about celebrating.  Anyone who is reading this and still waiting on your turn... don't give up!  I am a six-years-waiting-and-only-two-good-eggs-IVF-mom... miracles still happen! 

Four Months

Better late than never!  Busy right now is an understatement.
But happy.  And grateful. 

March 10- April 10

Weight- 13 lbs (10-15%ile)

Height- 25 1/2" (70-75%ile)

Clothing- 3 months, some 3-6 months

Diapers- size 1

Hair- ??? Not much left to even make a prediction!

Eyes- Very Blue

Feeding- Every 2 1/2- 3 hours, longer stretches at night

Sleeping- you wake up twice and usually go right back to sleep at night, and maybe 2-3 hours during the day

Favorites- outdoors, t.v.

Firsts- Easter, trip to the mall

Things to remember:

You have really started "talking" a lot... sometimes nicely and sometimes with attitude!  I really wish we could translate everything you are telling us!  

I keep waiting on a giggle or a laugh.  Dad and I got one good giggle when we were playing with you on the back porch, but other than that, your giggles come out as cute squeals.   

You found your feet one day this month while sitting in the Bumbo.  You reached out and grabbed them and then moved on to something else more interesting.

You are still drooling a lot and making us think that you are going to be an early teether. 

You still love the piano gym and have started swatting at the toys more than kicking this month.  

You are still smiling all the time... until we pull out the camera!

Your birthmark is about the size of a pencil eraser now.   We are in the rapid growth phase for the next several months and then it will start to slowly get smaller and fade.

 You have so much fun in the bath, splashing and kicking around little squirt toys. 

You do not just like t.v., you love it!  Dad and I are getting so tired of cartoons already... we are going to have to come up with a t.v. time plan or else you will one day want to watch it all day long.

You really enjoy outdoors, it has been unseasonably warm and we have taken you on many walks around the house and hung out on the back porch.  You won't even cry with a wet diaper if you are outside!

You have started to fight sleep during the day, so afraid to miss out on something.  I have a feeling you will hate nap time and I can't say your dad and I blame you- we hated naps too.  

You are holding your head up now with little or no support... good enough for the Jumperoo and you love it, for 10 minute stretches anyway! 

You have grown SO much this month, you now have a tummy fat roll and chubby legs.

Easter Day, pants were a little big but still so cute!

You snore! 
You are hot-natured in a major way.  We have found out that keeping you as close to naked as possible keeps you happy.  I never thought I would be a mom who let her child go barefoot... until I had a baby who hates socks & shoes!  Never say never!

I thought I was clear about this mom... "I hate shoes!"

We went to the mall and you were great, either sleeping or staring at all the colors. 
To PC- You are busted staring dreamily at all those cool Mac gadgets.  And that baby you're pushing around, he's already trying to use my MacBook. Yep, just accept :]  

 

Can't wait to see what adventures await us next month!  Love you so much sweet baby boy!

Working, Growing, Pumping, Teething... Oh My!

I have a rare moment this evening because baby boy wore himself out with all of the attention and new toys he got today and has went to sleep early.  After washing pump parts, I couldn't wait to say hello and send out an update in the blogosphere.  I am reading on my phone when I get a chance, but I have been terrible at commenting:[  I really want to make time somewhere in the schedule for blogging because it is therapy, whether it's IF or new mom related... I need this place!

Working- it is hard, and I don't want to come across like I'm whining about it since there are so many who would love to have a job these days, but I am just struggling to get enough done there where I don't have to bring it here.  This sounds crazy but I would really like to get a promotion with more pay because that would open more doors such as the possibility of PC staying home.  I feel like I could actually handle longer hours and a bigger workload if PC was able to take care of all things home and baby.  That plan would at least be 2 years in the making since we would have to attack some major debt first.    

Growing- wow, is our little guy growing!  The next update will be one for a four month old.  Craziness!  I will fill that post with updates but I can't wait to find out his weight and length this Friday at his four month check-up.  First, those crazy doctors had to do a weight follow-up visit to make sure I wasn't starving him and now they will probably tell me he's eating too much lol.  I am going to ask them about starting H. on his first food- avocados.  Here's the website I've been using the most to research about introducing solids- http://wholesomebabyfood.momtastic.com/.  I know that six months is generally regarded as a better time to introduce baby to solids but all babies are different and H. shows signs of being ready for a little something more.  I will let you all know how it goes of course!

Pumping- I'm getting ready to transition to exclusive pumping with the exception of night time feedings.  For whatever reason, H. is frustrated with the ladies.  Maybe because he gets more bottles now that I'm back at work and nursing requires more effort... not sure... but I can enjoy bonding with him just as much by looking into those baby blues and holding his hand while he takes a bottle:]  I feel grateful, especially after talking to so many friends and co-workers, that we have been able to nurse this long.  He will still get as much breastmilk as possible as long as I'm pumping and producing.

Teething- It's happening.  Already.  The biggest clue is the bulging white blistery-looking places on his bottom gum but other signs are sucking on hands (or anything), drooling everywhere, pulling at ear/scratching head, some coughing and issues with nursing/taking the pacifier.  We haven't resorted to any infant pain relievers at this point but I would love to know of any teething product recommendations!
That reminds me... someone recommended the nosefrida when I mentioned that the bulb syringes were not working for us and we could not do without it!  I have had intentions of doing a blog post just devoted to that little handy tool and haven't made the time.  If you have a little one with a stuffy nose and the bulb doesn't work... look it up and keep an open mind because it is SO worth the relief it gives to a stuffed up baby!

I'll end with the picture of our little "bunny" from today.  We had this "My First Easter" outfit for fun and another one for dressing up. 
   
 

Yesterday marked one year that I got the call from the RE's office and our lives forever changed.  It is my favorite blog post besides the day we brought our little miracle home.
  Dream.Come.True.   

Happy Anniversaries!!!

Seven years ago today, I married my P.rince C.harming and life got so much sweeter!  What a roller coaster past year it was!  From giving me those awful PIO shots in the rear to holding my hand through the birth of our son, he stood by my side through every up, down, twist and turn.  All in all, there were many more ups:]  I love you PC.

One year ago today, I had a 12 and 8 cell embryo transfer and I'm holding one very special baby boy as a result! 

March 26th... you have been good to me, making it a special day to remember how grateful I am for the two boys that have stolen my heart more than I ever thought was possible.  Happy Anniversaries!

BTW= Back to Work & By The Way

Back to Work= The "New Normal"

Wake up at 5:15 a.m.
Shower
Get Dressed
Nurse
Any baby needs- diaper change, clean paci, clean burp cloth, wash bottles
Warm up breakfast sandwich
Pack lunch, pack pump parts & bottles
Leave at 7:00 a.m.
Eat breakfast on the way
Arrive to work at 7:15
Pump at 8:30 a.m.
Pump/eat lunch at 11:30 a.m.
Pump at 2:00 p.m.
Leave at 4:00 p.m.
Arrive home at 4:15 p.m.
Change clothes, wash hands
KISS BABY
Nurse
Eat supper
Play with baby
Nurse/Supplement
Wash pump parts, wash bottles
Prepare bottles for next day
Prepare breakfast/lunch for next day
Get baby ready for bed
Get myself ready for bed
Go to bed at 9:00 p.m.
KISS PC
Nurse between 12:30- 1:00 a.m.
Nurse at 4:00 a.m. on one side, pump on the other
Sleep for one more hour
Start over!

But we're making it!  My first day back was spent in a fog... not really thinking about baby every minute, but rather trying to remember where I left off and how in the world I was going to get caught up!  I had some sweet surprises along the day... a co-worker framed a pic of me & little man for my desk, another co-worker put some "caution" tape through the room and listed all the things I have to do for a fun joke, my mom and little man sent flowers, a sweet friend sent flowers and PC had flowers waiting on me when I got home.  It reminded me that I have a good job with people I care about and such wonderful friends and family.  Blessed. 

Then, there is the pumping.  Ugh.  I close the door and put the "code" sign on it.  I work through each time, about 10 minutes total, and eat & pump so that my "lunch break" is really divided up through the day and used on pumping.  I'm getting about 3-6 ounces total for the day right now.  It is not enough to leave for the next day so I'm having to pump at night as well.  I don't know how long I can keep it up!  We are having to supplement between 4-6 ounces through the day of formula and it is what it is.  I want a full, content baby rather than insisting that he only gets breastmilk.  I'm lucky that it has even worked out this long with minimal problems and that he is still getting about 90% breastmilk!

Code for "Pumping"  :]

Sandwich with milk, lol! 

And by the way... I hope that I have always been understanding to the moms that I work with.  Because I understand so much better now how hard it is to balance both roles.  I have several 2-3 hour evening meetings coming up and the once reply of "sure, no problem" is now "how soon can we be finished?" This is a blog post in itself but let's just say I'm feeling pressure of what the job requires and getting home to this.sweet.face as soon as possible!

Three Months

Really?  Three months?!?  I would describe the past three months as the most exhausting wonderful work ever!  As hard as some days can be, I know we're going to look back on this time and smile and talk about how much we miss it!  We love every minute of being Mac & PC & Baby Makes 3:]  Hmm... maybe that should be our new blog title!  

Three Months Old!  No time to write on the picture yet!

Things to remember:

You have really started finding your hands.  Actually, you have started sucking on your fists a lot!
You have started to drool and "make bubbles" a lot.  Not quite like Charlie (our Newfie), but we are constantly looking for a burp cloth or bib now!

You spend at least an hour throughout the day on the piano gym.  It is the only place where you will not fuss with a wet diaper!  You love it, thank you Grandma!

You are smiling all the time!  Except when we get the camera out to take your picture... you get very serious.

You want your paci less... really only if you are really tired, riding in the car or at night when we put you to bed.
You had a birthmark to develop at about 12 days old (we first thought it was a scratch).  It is called a hemangioma, a collection of blood vessels close to the skin,  and the doctors say it will grow and then go away in your first few years of life.  You like to keep your birth story interesting!  It is also called an angel bite and that seems fitting!  

You are still loving a bath!

Tried some new lotion on you and you had an allergic reaction.  Oops.  A bath and some diaper rash cream made you feel all better again.  Until you had allergic reaction number 2 & 3!  More baths and diaper rash cream!  Please forgive us, we're working on it... now we think it may be fabric softener.  So we're washing all your clothes again to be safe.    
Grandma taught you how to reach up for her after a diaper change and now you reach out for someone to pick you up all the time.  Everywhere!  It is precious.  (Well, except for when we put you to bed!)

You love staring at people and hearing them talk.  
There have been some warm days where we have gone for a stroll or played on the back porch.  You seem to really like outdoors, but not the sun glaring in your eyes.  Of course we have bought some sun glasses!

You are holding your head up so much better but are not quite ready for the bumbo seat or Jumperoo.
You rolled over from belly to back on March 7th... you did it several times!
You still are very alert, taking in everything about the world around you.

We are totally in love with you, always and forever, sweet baby boy!

Blog friends:  please say a prayer for me tomorrow as the dreaded return to work day will become a reality!

Work. Weight. Cloth Diapers. Allergic Reactions.

Today marks just one week left with my sweet little miracle baby boy before returning to the working world.  My rational self says that he will be left in very capable hands and that having two incomes will help us to enjoy things that otherwise we would not.  My irrational self says to sell our house and everything in it, find a cheap rental and just live on baby love!  Good grief, I am a workaholic that has been detoxed!  I will need prayers next Monday to get through the day!  The time has went by too fast and he has changed so much already.  I am going to miss him like crazy, end of story.

In other news, our little guy went for the weight follow-up appointment and (as we guessed) he is just lower on the charts for weight but is gaining almost an ounce a day like a champ!  I should note we added 2-4 ounces of formula for the last feed to stretch out his sleeping and then I pump shortly after he is asleep.

Attn. cloth diaper peeps:  Our LO is 12 weeks, 10 lbs. 12 oz. and 24" long... does anyone have a baby around that size that you could recommend an AIO cloth diaper that is fitted?  I would like to try it out on the weekends.  PC is not totally convinced (probably because he does the laundry) but I think it would save some money, give the little tush a break from disposables, and save a diaper change through the night.  So sad that my main reason is not helping the environment... that will just be an added bonus.  I've been researching when I can and I need someone to fill in the gaps for me, please.  If I use AIO's- the whole thing just goes in the wash on cold, then in the regular wash with a hot/cold cycle, right?  If I go with a different kind with pre-folds, the pre-folds come out and are put in a diaper pail (versus a wet bag?) for the same kind of wash cycle?  Poop can go in the toilet or on a special liner that goes in the toilet, right?  Why do I need a special spray bottle and what goes in it?  We use D.reft detergent and free/clear fabric softener... would that be good enough for the wash?

New mom note to self- try out any new lotion on an area of the baby before using it and remove clothing if baby is fussy and nothing else soothes him.  We have had two... TWO... allergic reactions this past week.  The first one we traced back to a new lotion (so much for fragrance free & hyperallergenic) and the second one we (think) happened from rubbing a little olive oil on his head to help with cradle cap (ha, ha I just corrected myself from typing "cradle crap" which is true as well) and using the same wash cloth for the rest of the bath.  Both times he broke out in little red bumps all over his chest and back.  These things have made me feel like the worst parent ever!  I was just trying to remedy a little eczema and cradle cap.  Sorry, please forgive me sweet boy!

B.eautiful D.isasters

I have no idea what the song is about.  

But it is a fitting title of life since bringing home a baby. 

You already know about the G.enetian Violet and the built-ins.  Oops!

Then there was moving the rock-n-play across the hardwood floor.  Oops!!

Then there was moving the Jumperoo to another room and scratching the door.  Oops!!! 

Then there was moving furniture around to make way for baby furniture and causing marks on the paint.  Oops!!!!  

Then there was sleep deprived PC who missed his mouth with a morning E.spresso. Oops!!!!! 

  

These are just a few of what I am sure will be many b.eautiful d.isasters in our home.  This chapter of our lives is filling up with so many wonderful memories that all the scratches and stains are telling our stories.  They are truly turning our house into a home, even if we don't quite see it that way right when it happens.  I wouldn't want it any other way.  

Breastfeeding... I thought we were friends!

Something is going wrong with breastfeeding.  It feels like I'm on a downward spiral and I only have two more weeks until returning to work.  I think there are some good formulas on the market and I supplement about 2 oz each evening before his bedtime.  However, I have worked so hard these first 10 weeks to breastfeed that I would like to continue as long as I can. 
In a nutshell, if I pump, there is not enough for the next feeding... so I started supplementing that feeding with pumped breastmilk... which totally defeats the purpose.  Now I pump between 8 p.m. and 1 a.m. since that is such a long stretch between feedings but it's not going to be enough for that first day I return to work.  It's weird because he has pulled off and acted irritated like he wants more, but then the times between feedings have grown longer recently.
I have sought out so much information about breastfeeding and have tried suggestions through the LC, blogs and reading materials.  I am eating oatmeal, drinking more water, doing the massage techniques to help during pumping, etc.  I will say I am not eating like I should... eating a late breakfast and usually I either have a good lunch or supper but not both.
I read somewhere that once you start supplementing or pulling from the fridge/freezer stash you are telling your body to "make 2 oz less" but why should that be the case if I pump when he gets that extra 2 oz during a long stretch until the next feeding?  Also, does anyone have a baby that sleeps a long stretch like 1 a.m. to 6 a.m. who maintains their supply?  This has only happened once or twice but the baby is my alarm clock through the night... if he hits snooze, so do I!  

Last week breastfeeding/pumping schedule (although I feed on demand so times are not exact)-
8:30 a.m.- BF
9:00 a.m.- P
11:30 a.m.-BF
1:30 p.m. -BF
4:00 p.m.- BF
4:30 p.m.- P
6:30 p.m.- BF & Supplement- 2 oz
8:00 p.m.- "top off" BF
between 12:00-1:30 a.m.- BF
4:30 a.m.- BF
6:30 a.m.- BF


This week breastfeeding/pumping schedule-
9:00 a.m.- BF (today I had to pull out a little more from fridge to satisfy him)
(No more pumping here because my supply was so low for the next feeding.)
12:00 p.m.- BF
2:00 p.m.- BF
4:30 p.m.- BF
6:30 p.m.- BF
8:00 p.m.- BF & supplement
9:00 p.m.- P
1:00 a.m.- BF
6:00 a.m.- BF

I can't figure out if this is just a another bump in the road...perhaps another growth spurt... or if we are going to have to take a whole new path.  I want our baby to be as healthy as possible and I know breastmilk helps with that, but I also want him to get a full tummy and be happy!  Don't tell me "it gets easier" lol.  It's true that some things are getting easier, but breastfeeding remains on the "always a work in progress" list!!!          

Not a SAHM

Update:  We went to a new pediatric office today.  Guess what?  They did not kick us out!  We told the nurse practitioner we think modern medicine is great (hence the IVF baby) but that we just wanted to wait a little longer and spread the vaccines out.  She listened and treated us like... the parents!  Yay!

In other news, I have three weeks left with our little man before returning to a 40+ hour work week.  I have cherished every minute of this time with our little guy.  I am going to soak in every snuggle, smile, coo, cry and poop... yes, I will miss those moments too!  Not going back to work has never been an option for me.  This maternity leave has also taught me that I'm not cut out to be a stay at home mom.  Hats off to those who take care of the baby AND the home... cooking, cleaning, going to the grocery store... for real?  During the two hours that our little guy takes a routine nap my time is filled with- pumping, washing pump parts, finish getting dressed, eating something, cleaning pacifiers... sometimes I skip the finish getting dressed part to write a blog post!  Then he's awake for the rest of the day with the exception of a couple of quick afternoon naps and we eat, play, change diapers and repeat.  I don't feel like I can do anymore than just survive the day and wait anxiously on PC to pull in the driveway.  Somehow I think going back to work will force me to accomplish more in less time and that I will just feel better- physically & emotionally.  However, my heart is going to be very heavy those first days back in that world.  When I think about that day approaching so quickly, I choke back tears.  Although my baby will be in good hands and will be at home for three days of the week, no one will take care of him in the same way as his mama.  I will miss him...terribly.  I will not be returning as the worker I was before.  I will not be the last one to leave.  In fact, I will be counting down to the minute that I can get out the door and home to nurse this sweet boy.

Well.  Sh*t.  Now I'm wishing I had the option to change my mind!  

Multi-Brumping

Because it is Wednesday.  Because I am lacking for adult conversation.  Because I have spent more time with my breasts the past two months than my entire life.  I have invented a new word for entertainment purposes.

Multi-Brumping

Defined:  All of those other things that moms do while breastfeeding and pumping in addition to adoring the baby.

Here's my list, starting with the more obvious:
Stare at baby
Talk to baby
Sing to baby
Cut baby's fingernails
Pull flakes out of baby's hair
Pick lint out of baby's hands (I promise I bathe my baby, but this stuff is always there!)
Tickle baby's feet
Rub baby's cheeks
Rock baby chair with my foot (pumping)
Watch t.v.
Read
Anything on the iPhone- look at pictures, look up websites, read your blogs (but haven't quite mastered the commenting yet), make a phone call, read e-mail, type notes
Eat
Drink
Pray
Think about blog friends
Think about blog posts
Think about my day
Think about things to do
Think about things not to do
Think about all things baby
Think about too many things to list
I guess this would be my most unusual (and it's pretty blah)... put on make-up

What about you? 

Humor us and add your most unusual multi-brumping skills!  In fact, I have a brand new pack of Soothies Gel pads that I would love to send to the person who does the most unusual multi-brumping.  You may need them!  :]   

My Valentines

Last year, the dining room table on Valentine's Day looked like this...

This year, the dining room table looks like this...

Doesn't everyone have the following items on their table?  An empty centerpiece, a planner, bills galore, three pocketbooks (because I can't figure out the whole diaper bag/purse combo thing), hospital papers, pump parts, pens, file folders, rubber bands, newspapers, scissors (?), receipts, and the only things that do belong there... napkins and salt/pepper. 

But this year... I have something even better than a romantic dinner at home with my love.  I have TWO loves.  And take-out on the couch will taste so much better than last year's dinner because my heart is full of love for both of my Valentines! 

And nothing is sexier than a man who does dirty diapers.  

 Happy Valentine's Day! 

Two Months

Thanks for all the support yesterday!  We will be changing pediatricians as soon as we can find the right fit!  And, a call to the LC, along with your comments, made me feel so much better about our baby's weight.  So, here is his well deserved, happy two month post!  :]

Things I want to remember:

You absolutely LOVE water. I decided to let you take a "swim" in the big tub.  You can be having the worst day and a bath just makes it all better.  A future purchase soon will be some little swimmer diapers:]

You have started to smile... a lot!  Especially in the morning when you are laying on your diaper changing table.  In fact, you are usually happy at that changing table unless you are hungry!

You are in the 75%ile for height and 10%ile for weight.  Don't worry, we are feeding you but you seem to have gotten the long, skinny genes from Uncle R and Cousin K.  Um, it did not come from mom!

A CHUBBY BABY MAC

You are starting to like toys a little more.  At first, they seemed to stress you out more than interest you.  Now you enjoy kicking and grabbing at things for 10 minute stretches.

The vibrating chair is our "go to" spot for a poopy.  It seems to help the process, lol.  Speaking of that, you are not pooping as much- maybe three times a day- when it used to be all.day.long.  Love you sweet boy, but we are happy that your digestive system is becoming more efficient!  

Your 1 1/2 hour morning nap in the swing is now routine.  and it makes you a happier boy all day.  We know this because you get your mad face on when we totally turn your schedule upside down on church or doctor days.  Mad face= you cut those pretty eyes and suck on the pacifier like nobody's business.  Laughing at this does not help improve your attitude.

Yep, have to go back and change the date... thank you, baby brain:]

People comment all the time about how alert you are, taking everything in and seemingly lost in deep thought.  I caught you staring at our wedding pic on the wall and snapped a picture.  Melts my heart.

Love you so much sweet baby boy!  

So discouraged :[

Today should be a happy one of celebrating a TWO MONTH old!  But instead, it has been a really crappy because of our pediatrician wellness visit this morning. The doctor is concerned about our little one's weight gain percentile being too low.  (Maybe grandma knows something I don't.)  Then he looked at me and PC and said no offense but that it could be because both his parents are small.  Is it wrong to have a skinny baby?  I sent a text to the LC and she told me that pedi's often use formula fed charts for those evaluations and to not give up breast feeding because of this one visit/opinion.  PC said that his brother and his niece were just like our baby's size.  Our baby cries when he is hungry and is content afterwards.  But the doctor didn't ask about any of that.  In fact, he was pissed.  Pissed because we asked to wait just a few more months before starting the vaccines.  PC and I think vaccines are good.  We think they save lives and are needed.  We just want to let him get a little bigger after the strong rounds of antibiotics he had at birth, after the thrush, after the blood in the stools... we want to be sure his immune system is not compromised before being injected (in his underweight body according to the doctor) with seven shots.  Seven.  I don't mean to start a vaccination debate but it's my opinion that little babies are given too much, too soon.  Again, we fully plan on it.  But, damn it, that should be a parent's choice and a doctor shouldn't bully a parent who wants to do it a little later and a little more spread out. 
Oh, and he said that if we have not started the shots by the next visit, they will no longer offer us services.  Oh, and he said "that birthmark on his head- it's a hemangioma and I've seen them get as big as golf balls.  Nothing you can do about it."  Exits room, returns with the vaccination policy and doesn't even speak to us until I ask if we can get our baby dressed.  Our baby, who was all smiles and happy until the conversation about vaccines... then he picked up on an angry doctor vibes and tense parents and he started to scream and cry.  I wanted to join him.  I still do.

Grandma is stealing breastmilk!

My mother is in love obsessed with her grandson.  Her world revolves around him right now and she talks non-stop about him.  I am thankful for everything she did for him before he got here and I know I can leave him with her and she is a Grandma Grizzly about keeping him safe and happy.  But, in my most southern accent, "Y'all, she is stealing my frozen breastmilk supply!"  I am not kidding.  I showed her how to thaw out bags if he needed a "snack" (after I've already left a bottle) and now I have to hide bags in our big freezer.  When I step out the door she tries her best to pork this baby up and give him how much she thinks he needs to be eating.  She gives him the B.ig M.ac, F.ries and the M.ilkshake!  And, our baby missed the memo about knowing to stop eating when he's full!  I have tried to leave reading materials and educate her about breastfeeding, but she doesn't get it.  It was not a 70's thing to do!  I've tried to tell her how much more filling breastmilk is and how too much could be rough on his digestive system.  She fed him 4 oz bottles of formula in the NICU and, in her mind, he's not getting enough... thus, grandma steals the breastmilk.  I know this because I've counted the bags before I leave and find the empty ones down in the trash... gah!  Heaven help us when this child can eat solids.... which grandma can absolutely not believe happens around six months.  I have a feeling he will have already had the taste of cereal before his parents give it to him.
I'm really typing all of this with a suppressed smile.  I am grateful he has a breastmilk stealing grandma.
His grandma is a breast cancer survivor, a double green thumb who wants to pass the gift to him, the life of the party and I have no doubt that they will be best friends.  So this is a battle I choose not to fight.  However, I will keep hiding the stash:] 

Frustrated!

I guess the only purpose this post will serve is to get my frustrations out about a situation, but I'm glad for the opportunity to do that here!

I feel like there is no place for a newborn and a nursing mother at our place of worship.  The pastor wants all children in the children's area to lessen distractions, to keep them safe, to engage them in age appropriate material... agree and understand.  The problem comes with the nursery.  It is a mix of about 12 kids and half are walkers and half are what our pastor calls "bed babies" or those who have not started walking yet.  I can't help it that our LO pees/poops at 11:30 and eats at 11:45... smack in the middle of worship... but I am on his schedule right now.  So, I go to the nursery and ask if I can use their changing table and nurse.  After that, I walk around in the hallway with our little guy. 
The people in the nursery are very loving and kind.  I know several of them and they have a heart for children.  However, when you are just in there nursing (in the floor because you don't want to take over the two rockers, with a walker baby lifting up the "hooter hider" to see what you are doing) you can't help but notice the walker babies taking a bottle from a "bed baby", sharing a paci, pulling off a baby's headband, or throwing a toy that whacks another one on the head.  And I don't want my baby in the floor to get whacked or to get his bottle pulled away or to get a cheerio or something else put in his mouth.  It sounds like there's a lack of supervision, but that's really not the case.  Those ladies are working hard, especially to make sure the bed babies have been fed and changed, but all of these things happen in an instant... they can catch them, but often it has already happened.  So, I made the suggestion to the appropriate people that I would be glad to teach the 5-6 walker babies if that was a possibility.  But there's no space anywhere else.  They asked if it would help to put a rocker in the big bathroom in the worship area, but the way that our church is arranged, that would not work.  I suggested a changing table in the kids bathroom area, but they don't want any strangers in the kids area.  At least if that was there I could start to make bottles and just change him without using the nursery.  Anyway, that's the dilemma, pastor wants them in the children's area and the nursery is not the place for a newborn.  Tired of hanging out in the hallway and the only other place would be our car.  Not sure what we will do. 

P.S.  This is a new one for me... blogging from the bathroom because our little guy went to sleep in his rock & play sleeper while I was drying my hair and he looks so peaceful that I don't want to move him.  I also ate a granola bar and drank some apple juice at my makeup table.  What else can I accomplish in here?  OH, I need to pump!  Maybe I should save these comments for TVT, lol. 

Reflection

Almost four years ago, I wrote this post...

I remember before we got married. We just knew and we spoke in future terms of "our kids" this and that. We introduced our friends and more than one has made the comment "I bet your kids are going to have big, blue eyes." So, just having one of those moments... when I wonder... what would our children look like? Would they have our blue eyes and blonde hair and fair skin? If someone asked me the hardest part of IF, I wouldn't say the shots or expense or procedures- it would have to be the "I Wonders..."

Last year around this time, I wrote this post...

Here lately I've been letting my mind and heart go to places that I've avoided for a long time. Like actually scanning the baby stuff in stores when I walk by, thinking of potential names, imagining ways to share the news of a BFP and saying hello again to those darn "I Wonders."

February 6, 2012

Dear Miss Mac,

You are sitting in a rocker in the nursery you dreamed about staring at the most beautiful baby boy, and he is yours.  He has the biggest, bluest eyes.  

He has stolen your heart in a way that never seemed possible.  Every day, you see God and thank God with this child in your arms. I don't know why you had to endure the path of infertility, countless disappointment and heartache for almost six years. But you fought.  The IVF cycle was hard...emotionally, physically, and financially...but you had five eggs and two that fertilized and one that stuck.    You were so lucky.  Don't ever forget to be grateful every single moment.  There are others who are still fighting the fight.  Don't forget that PC stood by your side every step of the way and took that journey with you.  He is one proud daddy and has big plans for all of the fun he is going to have with his son.  You have a new set of "I Wonders."   You wonder what plans God has for your little one's life.  You wonder if you and PC will raise him to be a man of faith and integrity.  You wonder if you're doing a good job and making the right decisions for him.  Love him.  Teach and guide him.  Let him learn from his mistakes.  And, even on the hardest days, remember that spot that was so empty in your heart because it now overflows with gratitude for your beautiful baby boy with those big blue eyes.

Love, 

someone you were never sure you would get to be... 

Mama.