Still Here!!!

Two weeks since my last post, yikes!  I have been wrapping up things at work to be off for a few weeks and we just got back from a three night beach trip.  We really didn't engage in too much baby talk during our drive except for making comments about where we would put its stuff!  

About two hours from home, I started having long, sharp cramps that went from the left side to the right.  I recognized them immediately as IBS "pain before poop" cramps (sorry TMI).  For about two hours, I had the cramps and then the lovely trips to the bathroom, which also included throwing up once... UGH!  That was never pleasant prior to pregnancy but it scared and worried me to the core!  I had to remind myself that women get stomach viruses and sickness during pregnancy and to trust my body to protect our little one.  I bought a fetal doppler off of eb.ay and it was in the mail when we returned from our trip, good timing.  We found the heartbeat (around 140 bpm) pretty quick and that helped ease my mind a little. 

Today we went in for a check-up and the ob/gyn (Dr. B6) didn't have us scheduled for an ultrasound but after the cramping episode, he offered and of course we said yes!  The baby was relaxing in there, hands above his/her head and little legs crossed.  Dr. B6 made a gender prediction but doesn't want to officially "call it" until the next ultrasound, three weeks away.  So, that's to be continued...

Dr. B6 did tell me "I know you don't want to hear this, but it is getting time to normalize this pregnancy.  I know you went through a lot to get to this point, but you have a normal baby in there and you need to realize it."  I simply said, "that's hard to do."  I really do want to embrace this pregnancy and look at baby nursery stuff and think about names... I'm just not there yet but I'm getting closer every day! 

Peace and a unique gift

PC and I finally got to a place of peace yesterday where we felt good about sharing our news with co-workers, friends and extended family.  At my place of work, pregnancy announcements are made on the e-mail system and the subject is always "great news."  I bet I've read 20+ of those since I've worked at the same place (with lots of women) over the past 10 years and I never thought there would be one with my name beside it.  It was a surreal moment to hit that "send" button.  The comments I have gotten back have been those of genuine happiness for us and I will always cherish each response.  In the e-mail, I gave credit to modern medicine as well as prayers for our blessing on the way because I want my story to be out there for anyone who may need to hear it.  I've already had two people to share their struggles with me and I'm telling them I am there to listen or to be a support in any way possible.  Why do so many suffer in silence and have to feel so alone?  1 in 8... that's a lot of people who need each other!  And, yes, I will always be 1 in 8 because a pregnancy does not erase everything it took to get to this point.  It just says "I'm getting closer to beating you IF!"    
Back to our peace...it came during yesterday's ultrasound.  I was so worried all morning because of my week without many symptoms.  This little one put on quite a show that said to me "Stop worrying so much, I'm having a good time in here."  Good time indeed.  He/she bounced off the top of it's roof, landed cross legged, repeated, then put his/her little baby butt on the big screen.  Here's a pic of the first bounce...

PC and I are on the reserved, quiet side and I'm already getting the impression we have a little attention-seeker growing in there!  It is such a wonderful feeling to walk away from a good ultrasound.  It keeps the worries at bay for a few days anyway. 
We visited my mom today and she said she had something to give us that she had been storing for two years.  I had no clue what it could be.  It turned out to be this solid wood, beautifully painted rocking horse with big teeth, bulging eyes and real human hair.  Y'all- we tried our best to be positive and excited for my mom but I have been so tickled ever since from something that looks like it might give a child nightmares and/or result in an ER trip!  I will have to show you all but (for now) we are leaving it at my mom's house because we didn't have enough room in our car to haul it back.  I'm not trying to come across as ungrateful at all.  The details and woodwork are amazing!  Mom estimates that it is worth nearly $300!  But it looks like it belongs in a museum rather than a nursery!  (If by some chance my mom has come across this blog and has never told me... I love you dearly and the scary rocker horse will probably turn out to be a big hit, it's just the initial shock of something so unique!)  I really believe one of two things will happen... our child will ride that horse like it's the real thing while we hold our breath that it stays on the ground or it will be terrified of it and we'll say "if you don't clean your room, I'll go get Mr. Horse" and the child will have a spotless room.  (Sorry if this is a major parenting mistake, but my friend got amazing results from calling up Chuck-e-Cheese when her child was being defiant!)  Either way, I think scary rocker horse is going to end up in a lot of memories!    

A bump, a project and a worry

First, the bump.  I know it's freaky to crop out my head but I'm just not completely ready to bare all in blog world... yet.  Really, this is a combination bump + bloat leftover from all the hormones.  I can wear most of my capris, but they are tight.  I come home and put on elastic waist anything..... and it feels SO good!  I'm still wearing all of my regular shirts but bought two maternity shirts from Old Navy to wear this summer, and I'm wearing one in the pic. 

The project.  Do you ever have an area of your home that is neglected for a whole season?  That is exactly what happened all winter where our garage is concerned.  We let stuff accumulate and swept once or twice on a warm day (although it's not evident from the before pic).  We had a beautiful weekend in the southeast so the garage got a total makeover.  Right now, I'm taking an extended break to blog because I am pooped!  We cleaned out, swept, mopped, organized, and then I embarrassed PC by making labels for everything.  He (smirkingly) said "are you doing this so if we die everyone will know where stuff goes?"  And I (smirkingly) replied "exactly!"  He had no more comments!  Alas, the before...  (I've also had other priorities... like IVF!)

And the finished product.  We made enough room to bring up a spare fridge from the basement that's used for PC's job so we still have that left to do.  

And, finally, the worry.  I hate to end two positives with a negative, but I can't help it.  I haven't felt any symptoms this weekend.  No cravings/aversions/off and on nausea/sore bbs/tiredness... I've really just felt normal with the exception of sneezing and a runny nose that I'm pretty sure can be blamed on all the pollen.  Everything I've read says that pregnancy symptoms come and go.  I'm at the end of week #10 and I think some of the earlier symptoms start to taper off at this point.  Still, you know it didn't stop me from POAS.  And the darn $1.00 store tests rarely show a test line that's darker than the control line.  It makes my mind race with more worries, especially since I switched from PIO shots to suppositories this week.  I'm driving PC crazy about it.  I know there are some ladies out there who are shouting right now "enjoy... I wish that were my case" because they have been so sick.  I feel bad for complaining about not feeling yucky.  I just wish I could see in my uterus right now!  Five days to the next ultrasound and that feels like such a long time!

I see getting through the first trimester as such a huge milestone.  I'm currently in another 2WW to get to that point and my prayers haven't changed... please stay with me and keep growing little Mac or PC!    

Last PIO

Tonight= Last PIO shot:]  My backside says "yay!"  PC says "thank goodness!"  Tomorrow=PIP (progesterone in privates) twice a day until week 12:[  Four more estrogen patches to go!  In a way, I want to hang on to these medicines because they've become a type of security blanket.  Things only an IVFer would say! 

Thinking of Baby Hopes this evening, who has not gotten two lines from her first IVF cycle.  I know we share many of the same readers and you will all join me in sending a big virtual group hug her way!  She is such an encouragement to so many on this journey and I wish I knew when we will be able to celebrate wih her... because I know we will!

A Food Story

I just had to chronicle this strange and almost comical love/hate relationship with food in the first trimester.   I must admit that when I used to hear women comment that they just "had to have so and so" I was mentally writing that off as an exaggeration, fabrication or a combination of those two.  I was oh.so.wrong!  Warning:  Don't read further if you're in the first trimester and have full m/s (so sorry).  This post probably won't help! 
My food story starts with weeks 4-6 that were filled with
ginger ale
lemon drops
all things salty & sour (especially chips & olives)
pop tarts & bagels
pizza
beef jerky
combos
lots of Mexican food
and more meat than veggies.  Some fruits.  Adult prenatal vitamins.
Cross all of that out in weeks 6-8 with the exception of still preferring the salty and sour and then it was
cheese grits
cheese
biscuits
fish sandwiches & hushpuppies
salad
hamburgers
sour popsicles
sprite
and gum, ice cube peppermint to be exact.  Different fruit than weeks 4-6.  Flinstones chewables.
Now I'm at week 9 and thus begins a new food love affair that includes
fruity gum
gravy & biscuit
fruit with cottage cheese
noodles & pasta
soup
peanut butter & jelly sandwiches and I haven't gotten a pack of those baby carrots yet but I fully intend on doing so this weekend.
Again, my reason for posting is because I think it's so funny how it really is true that I don't control what I eat right now, my mind/body/stomach controls me!  I'm not going to force myself to eat something that just the thought of it brings on the gag reflex, so I eat whatever feels right at that time.  My problem is that the crossed off list keeps growing!  I'm hoping there is a veggie phase coming up soon!  Seriously, I am so thankful that I've had (thus far, knock on wood) mild nausea that comes on and off through the day (mostly before it's time to eat and at night) but without throwing up.  I read blogs of women who have at home IV's to help with their nutrition or those who have to nibble here and there just trying to keep something down (thus the warning at the top of this post).  I truly believe that this process is one of such miracle magnitude that it's a good thing for the body to be in control of this love/hate relationship with food.  Whatever the reason, I'm so happy to be along for the ride!

Blogging on the Backburner

Blogging has been on the backburner here lately because somewhere around week 8, my energy level dropped to near zero and exhaustion has taken over.  No wonder there is a nesting stage... it's needed to get everything back in order from doing next to nothing!  Bring it on!  Last week was filled with busy days at work and crashing in the evening.  I have at least been attempting to read and comment on your blogs before my nightly crash. 

I had five years and nine months to think about how I would treat a pregnancy... do exactly as the doctor said, eat tons of fresh fruits and veggies, only drink water, etc.  Give me a Big Fat "F!"  My prenatal vitamins started to bring on the gag reflex last week so I skipped two days until finally resorting to Flinstones, childhood old faithful.  (I checked with the doctor- take two and add DHA, good to go!)  I've developed aversion to water, seriously.  I was doing so good and all of a sudden, I want anything but H2O!  I still order it when we go out but I'm having way more juice and sprite than I should.  The good news about my eating?  I want nothing to do with sweets, unless you can count gum and an occasional piece of candy.  But let's look at today and you will cringe... butter biscuit with grape jelly for breakfast, soup, sandwich and salad for lunch (not so bad), fast food fish sandwich (gross!) and fries for supper and cantaloupe and cottage cheese for an evening snack.  This is the best I can do for my miracle baby?  Miracle baby, by the way, has sprung a tiny little set of arms and legs that we saw yesterday on our "stalking the ob/gyn to get an ultrasound before he goes on vacation" visit.  PC said he/she looked like Casper the Ghost and the ob/gyn agreed.  I prefer they not refer to this precious little being as a ghost, but at least it was in reference to a friendly one!!! 

The past four years, we've "ran" on Mother's Day weekend... a quick get away and time spent with each other.  This year we stayed home (partly due to our depleted savings) went to church, napped and ate dinner with PC's family.  My mom, grandma, and two close friends told me "Happy Mother's Day" and it just felt weird.  Yes, I'm closer to being a mom than I ever have been but it still sounded like they were speaking to me in a foreign language.  Surreal.  At work, there were several "Happy Mother's Day" mass e-mails and my heart still hurt and it still felt like a sting.   It doesn't go away.  On the hormonal flip side, PC said and did absolutely nothing and I let that hurt my feelings.  We're in unchartered territory and I guess I thought it would have been an appropriate day for him to at least say he was excited.  The only indication PC has given me that he is excited is when he put our first ultrasound picture as the background on his cell phone, replacing a picture of his favorite president.  Men just process and respond to situations differently, I should know that by now!
Hope everyone is having a great week!

OB/GYN Mission: Accomplished

You ladies are right, sometimes we just have to take control and if it requires stalking the ob/gyn, that's what it takes!
Dr. B6 (my 3rd times a charm ob/gyn since TTC) called me back before lunch today.  He is full of enthusiasm and energy and empathy... I need him!  I gave him the short version of our IVF cycle and told him that I really wanted at least two more ultrasounds through the first trimester.  He said that would be no problem and if insurance didn't cover one of them, he would!  I told him that the protocol that we were still following from the RE included PIO, estrogen patches and no sex...yet.  He made it clear that he would follow that protocol and said that our first time being intimate since this process started may be difficult but it would be important for us as a couple.   He said it's as if we would be-----are you ready for this----- revirginated emotionally.  It was such a serious conversation but that phrase made me want to lol.  I had to write it down on my calendar to remember to tell PC.  PC agrees with Dr. B6 that it is very important that we reconnect in that way as soon as we can.  Of course. Truth be told, if we were given the "green light" tomorrow I still don't think it would happen for a little while longer anyway.  Anyways, I now have ultrasounds scheduled for weeks 9 and 11 so mission accomplished! 

I'm feeling pretty good right now.  When I'm hungry, I'm hungry!  I've been keeping crackers and nuts in my desk and in the car for those moments.  During weeks 4-6, I could eat anything, had little or no nausea and tender bbs but tolerable.  During weeks 6-8, I only want to eat certain foods, nausea comes and goes (but no running to the bathroom), the bbs are pretty much back to normal...maybe a little bigger, yippee!  What I'm really loving this week... Mayfield Sour Popsicles!  I wish it were fruit instead but maybe that will be next week.  Shouldn't fruit flavors count for something??? 

Introducing...

A future Mac fan, don't you think?  

When we got to the waiting room, Ms. Hateful Hurry u/s tech called another patient back and PC and I literally whispered "oh no" at the same time.  She turned our way and I was really hoping she hadn't just heard us!  I don't think so because, to our suprise and delight, she was patient and NICE!  

I told PC before the appointment "I can't see anything so as soon as you see the heartbeat, but ONLY when you see it for sure, give me a thumbs up!"  So, I got in the position and turned my head to PC.  He had his thumb in the middle... waiting, waiting... it went up a little, then back to the middle... finally- thumbs up!  Note to fellow IVF'ers, this wasn't the best idea I ever had.  Those seconds felt like hours!  

The u/s tech gave us the measurements and then she turned on the doppler.  Omg.  The first time, I didn't hear anything but the wahh wahh of the machine, but today it was bump bump bump... 167 bmp of music to our ears!  

Oh, I don't think I've shared that I have good luck prenatal panties!  Maybe I shouldn't share that, but too late.   They are VS gray with little sparkles and I have worn them (no worries, always clean) to retrieval, transfer and both ultrasounds.  I do realize they come off before each procedure but I take some comfort in always having the same undies ready for each trip to the RE.  It's like I pull them out of the drawer and it gives me some kind of "we can get through another milestone" self-talk moment.  What will I do when they no longer fit?!?    I digress...

We graduated today!  They release patients at 8 weeks so now the only thing left of our clinic is the estrogen patches, PIO shots, the bill and (let's not forget) one little Mac or PC!  On the way home, I called to set up my first appointment with the ob/gyn.  They gave me this or that reason why the next available appointment isn't until four weeks away... no way people!  Later, I called back and left a message for the ob/gyn to give me a call.  If he hasn't called by tomorrow afternoon, I will call him back.  I am not opposed to ob/gyn stalking!  I only want to ask him for VIP treatment through the first trimester.  I need to tell him, "the RE got me pregnant, now please help keep me that way!"

We just feel so fortunate right now but the fears keep hanging on.  We keep pushing back the timeline for telling everyone beyond our immediate family, a few close friends and our pastor.  We're at 8 weeks and I've told PC, let's wait until the 10 week u/s.  At that time, I will probably say let's wait until 12.  I clearly have seen and heard the heartbeat and have the pictures of this little living being within me... why am I doing this?  When will I truly believe that this is our time for a miracle that we've so waited and prayed for? 

Quick Post

Saturday morning is starting out nice with a buttery blueberry muffin and blog catching up!  It's a beautiful day in the southeast.  PC is outside with his iPod blasting while he works on home improvement projects.  We are very lucky that our community was spared from the recent tornadoes as so many of our neighboring states were not so lucky.  We have a basement with a storage area that also serves as a storm shelter and I'm glad we have it but hope we never have to use it for that reason!

In pregnancy news, we're two days away from ultrasound #2.  If all goes well, it will most likely be my last appointment with the RE.  I have a blog friend who was at the same point of graduating from the RE when she was given the devastating news that they couldn't find a hearbeat.  Please send Angie some support.  This is especially heartbreaking news in the lives of those who battle IF.  Thinking about you Angie!



 

Telling Family

This weekend we let family in on our little secret.  It was the perfect weekend because we had family dinners on both Saturday and Sunday.  We told both sets of parents by giving them an Easter card with our first ultrasound picture in the back.   The inside said "Happy Easter and Merry Christmas!"

PC's parents got teary and told us they were very happy for us.  BIL gave me a hug and our nieces were wide eyed and had the "really/are you serious" reaction.  It was sweet.  There were some aunts, uncles and cousins there and everyone was genuinely excited for us. 


Today, on Easter, was the day to tell my mom.  I am an only child.  I was raised by a single mom.  Those who know her, love her.  She is the life of the party and you just don't mess with her friends or family.  I think most of her lively spirit skipped me.  The last concert I went to was Ray Stevens (another story for another time) and the last one my mom went to was Kid Rock.  Case in point.  She is a breast cancer survivor and lives life to the fullest.  All that said, I am her baby and she has never been shy about making it known that she wants a grandbaby!  Even before PC and I were married, she started talking about "when I have grandbabies" this and that.  After two or three years had passed I made it known that it might not be in our future.  She started blaming herself for my infertility... something about taking medicine for nausea while she was pregnant with me.  I told her it was not her fault that I had lazy ovaries!  Most of the baby talk subsided... until today... we were all at my grandparents house and had just surprised them with a get away trip for their birthday.  I took a card over to my mom and told her "Happy Easter" and she said "awww...thanks." I gave her the same card that we gave PC's parents and my mom was a little slow, lol.  She said "why does this say Merry Christmas?" I had drawn an arrow to the next page and told her to keep looking.  She stared, put her head closer to the card like she needed to see it real close, then started bawling out loud.  I mean loud, happy sobs.  PC caught the whole thing on his cell phone.  It was so cute... she was sitting on the loveseat and her legs started pumping up and down during the sobs.  Everyone was like, "what did you write in that card?"  She showed the card to my aunt, then she started crying, then my granny... then the hugs.  My cousin had brought a friend with him to dinner today who none of us really knew and my mom went up to him and said "I'm gonna be a grandma."  So funny.  It was very, very special.  She told me I would never have to buy a single diaper.  PC was like "oh yeah!"  I don't know that my mom would want her pic out on blogland but here is one of many with her mouth open in an "omg" way.  I gave her the Grandmother Willow Tree Angel in the gift bag. 

It felt good.  Contagious, optimistic joy that PC and I needed a good dose of.  We told both families that we only want to share the news with family right now and we would appreciate their prayers.  We told them it's early and the next couple of weeks will be especially important.

Here is my short and simple Easter prayer and if anyone is reading this and feels led, please just tell God you second my prayer:]

Dear God- Thank you for this Easter Sunday and the promise of new life.  Thank you for this little miracle baby who is so loved already.  Please let his or her heart keep beating strong.  Please let him or her keep growing safely within me.  Amen.   

For those reading who are still in the trenches of infertility and waiting on a BFP, I want you all to have a day like this.  I can't wait to celebrate with you!  

Ultrasound Update 6w2d

Skipping the details first since this is what inquiring minds want to know:]


One precious little heartbeat at 108 bpm and an over achiever measuring one day ahead at 6w3days!  Everything is where it should be and I'll try to scan the picture soon!  Good Friday=Great!  

The little details-
We waited about thirty minutes before the appointment and there were two couples with around three year old boys in the waiting room.  You know they were most likely the results of modern medicine and it was nice to get that hope stirred up before the scan.  When they called us back, I was so disappointed because it was my least favorite ultrasound tech.  She's always in a hurry, can be hateful and just always has a debbie downer presence about her.  So, as soon as she left for me to change I shared my thoughts about her with PC and this was his comment as we were leaving the room "How can someone give you such happy news but you leaving feeling sad?"  She worked her "magic" on him as well.  Anyway, she told us "I know you'll have questions but let me do my work first and then I'll turn the screen around and let you know what you're seeing."  At least she didn't keep us waiting too long and she said "I see one embryo with a heartbeat."  She takes some pictures and then turns the screen and asks if we've been pregnant before to which I answer no.  Then she points out the amniotic sac, the yolk sac where the baby is getting it's nutrition, the embryo and the heartbeat.  She told me that the heartbeat is within normal range but they would like to see it higher at the next scan in 10 days.  If that's good, they will release me to my OB.  I asked her if we can have a picture and she said she would lay one on my file.  I tell her that we've been waiting to tell our parents and here's how she wraps it up, "Yeah, I would wait until the next ultrasound... the next few days are the most tricky.  But then again, that's your choice.  You can get dressed and take this up to the front."  See what prompted PC's comment?  Good grief. 
We took our papers to the front desk and the lady took it and said "what a big baby you have!"  Yay for someone smiling for us.  We made our next appointment and were on our way.  We didn't talk much on the way home.  We are thrilled and those are all things I wanted to hear today, don't get me wrong!  We're more thinkers than talkers and that was just our way of processing the news.  We're both okay knowing it's one growing in there!  On some level I'm sad that one didn't "stick" but God knows what is best for us.  We went to the grocery store then came home and slept for a couple of hours.  We're both drained from this ongoing roller coaster ride but we can rest easier that we've made it through another hurdle!

All in all, it was a Great Friday and we have lots to look forward to this weekend.  We are telling our parents regardless of the warning from debbie downer today... they are the people closest to us we need their support right now!  Thanks for all the positive wishes yesterday! 

Let Good Friday be Great!

Well, it's the night before the big ultrasound #1 tomorrow morning. I am beyond nervous.  Please, please, please let tomorrow be confirmation that everything is as it should be!  During this 2WW, I bought about ten dollar store HPTs and I have P'dOAS at least every other day just for some kind of reassurance.  The dollar store tests have not let me down as far as two lines but the test line has not been as dark or darker than the control line.  After using so many OPK's, I can't get past that two lines means pregnant regardless of which line is darker.  My sore bbs are really the only consistent 'sign' that anything is different right now, but even that's only noticeable when I hug PC or lay a certain way.  If I'm hungry, I'm h-u-n-g-r-y and everything tastes better with salt, but that's not much different either.  No nausea or at least nothing close to running to the bathroom.  Just a bit more fatigue than normal.  No glow... where's the glow!?!  I've also figured out that blog reading does not always help with working on the worries.  There are a lot of IF sisters who, after months or years of TTC, get a BFP only to experience heartbreaking losses.  I'm not immune, and I can't help but to be so scared of the unknown. 

Here are my happy thoughts right now... if we do get a good report... we're going to tell our parents since we'll see them both over the holiday weekend.  Moments I've only been able to dream about. 

Please keep us in your thoughts tomorrow for a Good Friday that turns out to be Great!!!

IVF FYI... part 2

One more post about things I learned from others to get through IVF#1 as related to PIO shots.  I have been reading blogs but I am behind on comments this week and hope to spend the rest of the week before our first ultrasound (deep breaths...positive thoughts...) catching up. 

PIO shots

This is the routine that worked for us.  (Prior to any of this- at Egg Retrieval- the nurse drew some helpful "x marks the spot" places on my backside.)

• Put an ice pack on my backside for about 5 minutes.  (Some people say not to do this because the ice will hinder the oil from spreading, but that hasn't been a problem so far.)

• PC holds the PIO bottle to get it warm while my backside is chilling.  Some bloggers suggested putting it in your bra works just as well.  (However, we chose 8:30 each night and I am usually in pj's and sans the bra by that time!)

• Put my "toasty toes" in the microwave for 3 minutes.  This thing has been a lifesaver!  A lady where I work makes them... it's filled with corn and stays toasty for more than an hour!

• Wipe the PIO vial w/ an alcohol swab.  

• Fill syringe with 1mL of air, draw up the PIO, change the needle to a 25g 1 inch.  

• Lay the filled syringe under my "toasty toes" for 15-20 seconds, not long- barely warm.  NOTE:  Made a big mistake here... PC and I were talking and I left it under there too long.  I got it too hot and it was more painful than any other injection... I burned my inner butt, ugh.  

Then I hand it over to PC.  The SAME conversation (not that anyone needs this info. but it throughly documents the experience), give and take a few words, takes place:
PC- Relax your hips
Mac- I am... go
PC- Waiting on alcohol to dry
Mac- It will be ok
PC- I'm going right here in 3, 2, 1... stick... all clear... 1/2 way...3/4...done
Mac- Good job, thanks babe

I also asked him if he checked for blood the first few times until he started getting mad at me for asking every time.  I figured it's not a good time to have him mad at me! 

• PC holds the beveled edge up and does a dart-like action.  It's really not that bad of a stick.  The only time it's hurt is when I overheated the oil and a couple of times he pushed a little too hard trying to get the oil out.   

• Afterwards, I put a piece of gauze on the area and walk/massage for 2-3 minutes.  

• Last, I sit on the corn bag to warm the area for about 20 minutes.  

Sometimes I'm sore the next day, sometimes I'm not.  I think it may have to do with how much I relax my hips but when I try to focus on relaxing my hips, it makes it worse.  We've done these for going on five weeks now and they're a literal pain in the a$$ but if they are creating the best environment for this little one, I will gladly grin and bear it!
  

IVF FYI... part 1

I'm putting together some different posts about things I learned, and keep learning, (mostly related to meds) through the IVF process in case something might help someone else.  We're so very fortunate that we got our BFP from IVF#1... I've read blogs of women who have gone through the process two, three and four times and I'm in complete amazement; they are much stronger than me.  I am not posting any of this because I think it's the "right way"... instead, maybe someone can learn from my trial and error!  In fact, I am an example of what not to do because clearly I flipped out with my first injection!  These are just tips and tricks that helped me and most of it came from advice from other blog readers, web surfing, and (as mentioned) trial and error.  Besides, I'm also in the 2WW until my first u/s and need something to distract me and blog about while I pass the time.  And I like bulleted lists:]


Appointments

• I kept a bag ready just for all those appointments with a calendar/notepad, usually some reading material, bottle of water, pen/pencil, germ-x, panty liners, cash for the parking fee, pair of socks (in case I was wearing sandals... I'm a socks in the stirrups girl) mints and random other things I considered appointment essentials.  I dropped my wallet and phone in there each time and this became my purse on those days.       

• During the time of frequent visits, I had to do the injections at the clinic since it's a long drive for us.  I would just pack my meds/needles the night before and found it helpful to drop the Lupron down in an old pill bottle and put a cotton ball over it.  I was always worried about a spill or something breaking.    

Meds

• One of the most helpful things for us was setting everything up in one room on a table.  (AKA- the wannabe nursery room.)  The bathroom is right beside it so we could wash our hands and then all "supplies" were within reach.  I even put my prenatal vitamins on the table so I wouldn't forget them.  

• I didn't realize until the second or third night of injections that the little see through part in the lid of the vials was the "trick" to getting all of the liquid out.  You can pull back while pulling the needle down and see what you're doing to suction it all out.  Didn't leave any in the vial after figuring that out... probably something I should have learned at injection training!  

• When they extended my meds by one day, those vials came with Q-caps.  Oh, how those made life easy.  If you have the option, they save time!

• Some people are lucky that the stims do not burn.  I blamed the burning on Menopur but when I stopped using it, turns out the Bravelle was the culprit the whole time!  Anyway, what helped me with the burning was pinching myself a little.  I watched a few youtube clips of women doing the injections and one girl talked about how she focused on the pinch and that got her focus off the stinging and she was right!  Somehow it made it easier to tolerate thinking I was causing the sting rather than the medicine.  Mind over matter? 

• I kept getting confused about when to change the estradiol patches so I started writing the date on them.  Problem solved!

• This was probably a crazy OCD-type thing to do, but I always wanted to do the Lupron injection on one side and the stims on the opposite side and then rotate.  It made me feel like I was balancing out the meds, not because someone told me to.  So I would write an L on the small round bandages I used to stand for 'Lupron' and kept up with rotating the injections that way.   

What I need a tip/trick for... how in the world to get off the sticky stuff from the estrogen patches!!!  I've tried soap, baby oil, scraping it... I promise that I DO bathe but that stuff doesn't come off!!! 

 

Part 2... PIO shots and side effects

And the winner Is...

Now what are the odds of this?

Commenter #16 belongs to the person who inspired me to do a giveaway because I won her first giveaway, cool!  Congrats to Carlia at The Stork Drop Zone for winning the clips and notepads!  Thanks to everyone who participated and I already have an idea for the next giveaway so please join in again!

No worries in the works

This is my mental ring tone here lately...
 
Worry...
Worry, worry, worry, worry
Worry just will not seem to leave my mind alone

I had a whole post written about constant worries that consume my thoughts.  PC read it before I published it and told me that it would not be support or encouragement to my blog readers and y'all deserve better.  I'll say it one time a year, he's right.  Bottom line, I'm just having a hard time putting the worries aside.  I'm letting infertility hold my mind and heart hostage and I'm the only one that can change that. 

One or both of these three day old miracles believed in me and now it's my turn to believe in them!

Blog Give Away!

A few weeks ago, I was the recipient of a blog give away from sweet Carlia at The Stork Drop Zone.   I was so excited, I never win anything!  Carlia is always coming up with ideas to bring the IF community closer together, her posts are honest and helpful, and one day I'm going to ask her how to create buttons because she does an awesome job with that!  I'm pretty sure she's headed toward her first IVF cycle and I really hope it brings her a BFP!  I had every intention of sending a big "thank you" her way but it got delayed a little because I was in the middle of the IVF madness and it took me a few days before I could do the online shopping (which provided some stress relief btw) and use the $15 code at the CSNstores website.  Anyways...  since it was IF/blog related... I purchased a sweet little interactive baby book.  My thinking was, if this IVF brings a BFP, I've just purchased the first item for a little Mac and/or PC:]  We are major bookworms, so it's very fitting!  If it didn't bring a BFP, it was going to be a gift for the next baby shower, and believe me, there's usually one around every corner.  But I sure wanted that little book.  Anyway, it came the day before my beta and I left it on the porch until I got the news.  I know.  That's extreme, but some of you share my jinx feelings!  Later in the evening after I got the BFP call, I brought in that little gift-to-self-via-blog-give-away and it was a sweet moment to know that (hopefully) this little book is staying right here!  So, thank you very much Carlia!  

The blogosphere has been a great support system and I want to join in and give back as well.  Up for give away is a cute little set of notepads and binder clips in the new Vera Bradley pattern, Lemon Parfait.  This pattern reminds me of spring and new beginnings... and someone may be able to put these to use in organizing for treatments or (better yet) OB appointments and such.  It's not much, but I'm so excited to have the chance to give this to someone.  I like to do things really simple.  If this is something you would like to have a chance to win, please leave a comment that lets me know you want to be included in the drawing.  Then, this Thursday, I'll either figure out how to do one of those random number drawing things on the Internet, or, I'll do it the old fashioned way and put your blog names on a little slip of paper and have PC draw a name:]  Keeping it simple... Good Luck!

Beta #2

Another good phone call today.  Beta #2 was 519.  I thought maybe it should have doubled on Friday and again today but the IVF nurse said the RE's were very happy with these results.  I have no reason not to trust their expertise thus far so I will (try) not to worry!  My RE only does two beta counts.  So, here I am again in another 2WW until the first ultrasound, aarrrggghhhh!  It's scheduled for Monday, April 25th.  I know enough from reading blogs and Internet searching that betas cannot determine singleton or twin pregnancies but (in the meantime) it's fun to wonder!  Anyone want to make a prediction? 

P.S.  Please check back tomorrow because I plan to show you something special I won on a blog giveaway and invite you to participate in one of my own!

Thanks once again for all of the encouragement here!  You all are THE BEST!  

Day after Beta #1

I appreciate each and every sweet comment from yesterday's news!  I plan on making the blog rounds this morning and I can't wait!  It was all I could do to type the short post because it was such an emotionally draining day.  Here's what went down, although you all already know the best part!

Sorry for all the details below but I want to document the special day here. 

On Wednesday afternoon, I sent the e-mail below to Nurse LLD and this was her response.  Love her!

Hi

Will call you ASAP after getting the results.  Lets think positive!

-----Original Message-----

Sent: Wednesday, April 06, 2011 3:17 PM

Subject: tomorrow

If I don't see you in the morning, I'm having blood drawn for our beta at 7:30 a.m.  Will you please give me a call as soon as you get the labs?  I'm just about on the brink of going crazy through this wait! :]  However it turns out, thanks so much for all of your help the past several weeks. 

We left around 5:45 a.m. and I had my blood drawn by 7:35.  The lady that draws my blood asked if I did an HPT and I told her I just couldn't do it.  She said she thought that was good to wait but I was only the second one she had tested all week who didn't POAS.  I started questioning my decision, but it was too late at that point.  The "call" was going to be my answer.

We stopped by Chic-fil-a, which has become our "tradition" on early RE days and then I ran in Target to get some more vitamin water (yum, by the way!).  We were home by 10:30 a.m., PC left for work (I've had a few days off this week for spring break, woo hoo), and I fell asleep in the recliner until he came back by the house around 12:00.  Still no call.  I ate lunch,  started googling everything related to 12dp3dt and the phone rang a little after 1:00.  My heart was about to come out of my chest to see "Nurse LLD" on the screen even though it's the call I had been waiting on all day.

Me:  Hello
Nurse LLD:  Hi... M?
Me:  How are you?
Nurse LLD:  Good, and you?
Me:  Just waiting on your call.
Nurse LLD:  Well, are you ready for some good news?
Me:  (Getting so excited) I would love some good news!
Nurse LLD:  Well, you are pregnant.
Me:  Yay, Yay, Yay... I can't believe it!  What was my beta?
Nurse LLD:  It was 249.
Me:  That's a good number, right?
Nurse LLD:  Yes, that's good.
(We work out the details for coming back on Saturday for Beta #2)
Me:  Thank you so much!
Nurse LLD:  Congratulations!

I'm one of those people who saves all of my emotions somewhere inside and puts on a strong face until it gets to the point where those emotions just can't be contained... when I hung up the phone, I started crying almost 6 years worth of built up emotions!

So, I called PC but it was really hard to get the words out with the monsoon of tears and it sounded something like this:
Me:  H-e-y, I--I    j--j--u--s--t    g-g-o-t    t--h--e    c--c--a--l--l. 
PC:  It was negative.  It didn't work. 
Me:  No, I'm sorry, I can't stop crying.  It was good news.  We're pregnant.
PC:  (Silence)  Really? 
Me:  Oh, hold on Nurse LLD is calling me back. (Poor PC)

I thought, omg, she gave me the wrong information!  That's how guarded I am... but she forgot to remind me to continue the estrogen patches and PIO.... whew.

I go back to PC and tell him everything is good and hurry home!  Then, you can guess what I did next!  I P'dOAS and was still nervous that it wouldn't confirm what I had just been told.  It was a CVS brand test that clicked into place with a little window that, within a few minutes, said "Pregnant."  First ever BFP on an HPT!  I think I'm going to have to go buy more today and POAS all weekend!  :]

I somehow whipped out the blog post, took a shower, got the tears under control enough to go get my estrogen patches refilled and came back home minutes before PC.  We hugged and I asked if he was excited and he said he was dizzy:]  Well, I was hungry!  We went out to eat and we got to have conversations that we've never had... it was is a strange feeling!  Things like "I think this is my child with all the sour & salty I've been wanting to eat but I think this is your child because I sure am gassy all of a sudden."  And, after he told me it was too much trouble to bring a mattress into the living room, I said "I think the rules are you are supposed to be nicer to me than you have ever been right now!"  (I didn't say they were sweet conversations!) 

You all are the only ones who know our special news.  We told a few IRL people that we got a good report and things are going well.  Unless one of them has come across this blog, they really do not know how good the report was.  Believe me, if we get another good number on Saturday and we get a good report at the first ultrasound, it won't be long until we're shouting it to the world.  (But not on FB or "in your face" kind of way... IF has given me much time to think about what I would and would not do.)  The fact that it took modern medicine + prayers to get us here will never be a secret.  I have too many sisters here and IRL who need to hear that miracles can happen.  I realize that I'm not holding a baby in my arms right now and that would be the ultimate miracle, but a BFP after 5 years and 9 months of TTC, it feels pretty darn close to a miracle to me.    

I always talk about the hurdles and I realize there are some more big ones to get through in the coming weeks, but I want to enjoy living in the moment right now.  Thanks for allowing me to share it. 

Thankful Thursday

BETA:  249

  

Thank you God.  Thank you modern medicine.  Thank you God+modern medicine.  Thank you PC.  Thank you blog family.

The tears won't stop flowing... and I'm okay with that.    

I'm pregnant and I am beyond elated. 

LOL, 10dp3dt

Yep, you know the 2WW is getting to you when you get the following comment box and you LOL because it reminds you of yet another side effect of progesterone. 

I am 10dp3dt but I just cannot POAS.  I've spent 5 1/2 years of time and tears on HPT's that shouted "negative" at me and I only want to POAS when I know two lines will be shouting "positive" back at me!  

This will more than likely be my last post before the beta on Thursday.  I hope to join the other cycle sisters who have gotten BFP's recently!  I don't have to say "wish me luck" here because you all have been doing that since cycle day 1.  Instead I will say a heartfelt "thank you" from me and PC for all of the support in getting to this point.   

7dp3dt

It's been one week today since the three day embryo transfer.  Half-way through the 2WW, woo-hoo!  I haven't had anymore cramping/twinges for the past couple of days.  I just feel "normal" and I wish I felt "pregnant" but I don't know what that feels like!  You know those stories you read about women who just knew?  I'm not one of them:[  Good news from my P4 bloodwork, it was 20+ (nurse didn't know the exact number) so I don't have to add any more to the PIO shot.

I'm trying to line up some distractions... Today, we caught an early movie (The Lincoln Lawyer) and we'll go back out for dinner in a little while.  Tomorrow, we're supposed to go to church shoe-less (should be interesting) and then I want to plant a few strawberry and tomato plants later in the day.  I don't think all the distractions in the world will keep me from not thinking about the Thursday phone call after our trip to the RE!

Something happened at our dinner with BIL/SIL that caught me off guard.  They are part of our small, IRL support group who know a good bit about what we're going through although no one can really understand what's involved unless they've actually been through it.  Anyway, I showed them the pic of our embryos and BIL was like "those are in you?  Two?  Twins?  Yay!  Yes... it was always my dream to have twins, that is great!"  All of this happened before I could tell them there are several more hurdles to get through.  When I was able to tell him what still has to happen, his demeanor totally changed and he just looked worried for us.  This is why there's no way we could let so many people in on this.  His first reaction was precious.... but it was way too premature.  I "burst his bubble" in a matter of minutes and can't imagine having to go through that over and over.  I hope this doesn't come across like I've written this IVF cycle off but after being on this long road for nearly six years, a positive beta is a hurdle, a beta that doubles is another hurdle, an ultrasound where everything looks good is a big hurdle, a pregnancy and birth of a healthy baby, that's what it would truly take for me to let go of all doubt.  Just being honest. 

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

 

5dp3dt

Exactly one week from today until BETA!!!

5dp3dt...

Recently, a blogger was talking about having no symptoms in the 2WW and being worried and I'm having all kinds of cramps/twinges and I'm worried!  I've had period-like cramps that come and go on both sides.  Some are short twinges and a few are worse than I have with AF.  It is so hard to not know what's taking place in my uterus!   

I called Nurse LLD about the bathroom troubles and she said it would be fine to take anything to help... Milk of Magnesium, Colace, Prunes... take my pick!  Joy.

I ran out of needles for the PIO shot and had some called in to our pharmacy.  They were out of the 1 1/2 inch but the pharmacist said I could get by with 1 inch so I get 1/2" less needle in my backside now, small victory:]  PC is still doing a good job with the injection but it freaks him out every time.  He has sympathy pains, which I must admit is pretty sweet.

MIL cooked dinner for us last night (crumble chicken) and SIL is cooking for us tonight (spaghetti).  I have the best in-laws, I'm so thankful.  Hoping they get to be grandparents and an aunt and uncle soon... if I'm getting the royal treatment for trying to get pregnant, I envision much more crumble chicken and spaghetti in the future if I am pregnant!  Do you hear that embryos? 

Yesterday I could not get enough salty (like olives) or sour (like lemon drops).  Not saying that these are cravings, just can't figure out where I'm making diet mistakes so that my body needs sodium and I have no idea about the lemon drops!?!  Let's just blame anything and everything on progesterone at this point! 

This morning, I traveled back to the RE for a progesterone check.  Waiting on them to call me back, but hoping that it's on track so that I don't have to add more PIO!

Fertile Myrtles on FB

I don't have a FB account.  I'm just not that interesting.  I had beans, mashed potatoes and fried okra for supper.  Yum!  See?  Who needs or cares to know that?   However... my best friend gave me her username/password and allows me to be her "stalker" anytime I feel the need to see what's happening on FB.  Here's an edited version (names taken out) of a conversation I came across while stalking:  

Fertile 1- Thank you!  I'm due 9/10.  Have you found out what you're having yet?
Fertile 2- That's my moms birthday lol!  I'm having a boy... due July 3rd.
Fertile 1- Cool!  I bet big sis is so excited!  What are you naming him?
Fertile 2- She is so excited!  ------- will be his name.  Were y'all trying to get prego?
Fertile 1- Yeah.  Of course I should've known it only takes once!
Fertile 2- Lol same for me too!  We are fertile myrtles!  One shot and here we are!

I didn't post this to shout "Bitter, infertile here!"  Instead, it just makes me realize how some people can't even begin to understand what the IF journey is like.  I don't wish it on them or any of us AT ALL.  I just hope they know how lucky and fortunate they are.  I just wonder if they took a moment to look at their child and think "what would I have done to get you here?"  I'm pretty sure they would have gone to the ends of the earth.  I wish they knew that 1 out of 8 of their friends were reading this conversation and they cried... or they cursed... or they felt so broken.  Maybe, just maybe, if they knew the last part of the conversation would have looked something like this...

Fertile 1- Yeah.  We are so fortunate that it happened for us so soon.
Fertile 2- It's amazing that it happened for both of us the first month we tried.  Others try for so long and my heart goes out to them.  We are very lucky!


I stumbled over the words to this post but people who are reading here will get what I'm trying to say... oh how we get it!

More 2WW rambling

I'm not listing symptoms below.  Rather, I think that a combination of estrogen+progesterone+occupied mind is just causing some out of the ordinary mental/health/emotional changes here lately.

Sleep!  I'm back to sleeping with PC:]  By that, I mean that since the week of retrieval I have been camped out on the couch.  Around that time I was going to the bathroom 4-5 times during the night.  I don't know if it was enlarged ovarian area pressing on the bladder or what, but PC is a light sleeper and was waking up each time so I moved to the couch.  Last night I moved back into our bed since I'm down to one trip a night and I slept so hard but not hard enough  because I remember my...

Crazy Dreams!  I've been having some weird dreams but last night took the prize.  I went on a date to a water park with M.ike R.owe from D.irty J.obs!  I woke up laughing when I rememebered!  PC didn't think it was too funny but I told him not to worry, I hate water parks!  The last thing I watched last night was P.awn S.tars so I'm surprised I wasn't at the shooting range or eating KFC with C.humlee!  At least these weird dreams have been funny, which is better than the alternative!

Appetite!  I can only hope estrogen and/or progresterone lead to an increased appetite because otherwise I am in trouble.  I'm hungry when I wake up, hungry before I go to sleep and most other times of the day as well.  Another reason to hope that this works... pregnancy is a much better excuse for weight gain!

The 2WW is still moving slowly along but I'm trying to line up distractions for the rest of the week.  We go back to the RE on Thursday to check my P4 level.  I guess that's to see if the shots in the backside are producing enough progesterone?  I was on valium and PC picked the time for this appointment, so we'll be leaving to get my blood checked at 5:30 a.m.  Arrggghhh!  WAIT, I was griping to PC about that as I typed and he said "we can leave at 5:45 a.m."  That makes it all better. 

Reading back over this, I guess you can add moody to this list although I don't really want to admit it.   

Is it only 1dp3dt???

Sitting here with a heating pad on my PIO'd butt!  1dp3dt and PC has already banned me from reading anything about embryo transfers.  He didn't catch me in time to find this "play by play" chart so that I can hope and pray that my embryos are following the schedule!  This is going to be a long two weeks!

3-Day Transfer

Days Past Transfer (DPT)	Embryo Development
One	The embryo continues to grow and develop, turning from a 6-8 cell embryo into a morula
Two	The cells of the morula continue to divide, developing into a blastocyst
Three	The blastocyst begins to hatch out of its shell
Four	The blastocyst continues to hatch out of its shell and begins to attach itself to the uterus
Five	The blastocyst attaches deeper into the uterine lining, beginning implantation
Six	Implantation continues
Seven	Implantation is complete, cells that will eventually become the placenta and fetus have begun to develop
Eight	Human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) starts to enter the blood stream
Nine	Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
Ten	Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
Eleven	Levels of hCG are now high enough to detect a pregnancy

I'm mad at myself for agonizing over every move I make or every twinge I feel!  One of my friends realized she went horseback riding in the early stages of her second pregnancy and here I am worried about having the hiccups!  Aside from running a marathon or hanging out in a sauna, I don't think that normal activity is going to interfere with the natural process that is hopefully taking place in my uterus right now.  These embryos may not have gotten there through the usual route but I'm hoping they are "home" now...for nine months anyway! 

PC asked me about some credit card charges today and I told him I hadn't used that card in a long time.  We realized someone stole our card number and we have it narrowed down to two online sources where PC recently made purchases and our card number was hijacked.  So far they have bought body art/piercings, spent two nights at a hotel in Raleigh, NC, spent $300+ at a home office store and $1.00 at Home Depot before we caught on and closed the card.  How do you spend $1.00 at a Home Depot?  And do you think they felt the least bit guilty doing all of this on our DISNEY card?  Poor Disney card has been defiled from who knows what has been purchased by this/these thieves!  Now we wait for a claims form to get everything straightened out.  Thank goodness we rarely use our debit card for online purchases, that would be a bigger pain if these funds were drained from our bank account!  (They couldn't get very far seeing as how those funds were pretty much drained from IVF anyway!)

I hope part of the 2WW support here is being able to ramble about topics that may or may not be IF related while passing the time!  

The Transfer

Transfer day started a little stressful.  I was supposed to be there at 9 a.m. for a 10 a.m. transfer with a full bladder and was still sitting in the waiting room at 10:25... with an overly full bladder.  One bright spot was a guy who brought in a three year old and announced to all of us "this can work people, here's proof!"  That brought a lot of smiles.  Finally, they called me back to the waiting area and I got in the gown while PC got decked out in scrubs and we waited on the doctor to talk to us about the embryos and give me the go ahead to take the valium.  Bad news, we do not have any to freeze.  But the good news was.... introducing...

two beautiful embryos.  One 8 and 12 cell Grade 1 embryos who made the trip into my uterus for what I hope is an extended stay!!!  They also did assisted hatching before the transfer.  We've come a long way the past few weeks to get to this point and now I just want to rest and believe that this process can and will work!  How am I ever going to get through this 2WW? 

Blog buddies, I am so pleased to say I am PUPO!!! 

Pre-transfer Random Thoughts

I guess I need to work off some pre-transfer nervousness, which has resulted in the following random thoughts...

Today I wrapped up things at work and brought a few things home to take next week off.  I typically use 1-3 days of sick leave a year so this feels really strange.   My work can bring some highly stressful moments and I want to give these embryos the best possible chance to stick and stay!  In my work, I constantly deal with people and situations where it's not unusual for me to contact law enforcement a few times during the month.  That's not the kind of adrenaline rush that I want these embryos to experience from the start!  Instead I will be filling my time with positive thoughts, blogging, light spring cleaning, watching TLC (skipping A Baby Story for now) and basically doing whatever I we want!

I had an acupuncture appointment this afternoon.  I told Dr. C. about the transfer tomorrow and he got to work doing his Eastern medicine thing.  I told him to make me a good statistic with the correlation between acupuncture and pregnancy success rates!  He said it has to do with an overall improved health state and balanced energy.  Fine, improve and balance me!  For anyone who's considering it, my experience is to lay facing up while he puts in 6-8 needles at various pressure points.  He turns a heat lamp on and I lay there for awhile listening to the Chinese restaurant music.  The needles do not hurt... maybe a teeny tiny sting here and there but (if so) that only lasts a second.  After IVF, acupuncture really is a treat that involves needles!  Anyway, I do this for about 20 minutes or so, then turn on my stomach and he does the same thing on my back and finishes with massage.  I always leave feeling relaxed, which is a big accomplishment for me.

Tonight was PIO shot #3 and SIL turned the job over to PC.  He did a great job, A++!  He's so cute back there giving me the play by play "one fourth is in, now one half, now three fourths, almost done..." although I'm not going anywhere!  The shot is not so much a problem as the soreness the next day.  I have no idea how to make it better.  I put ice on before, massage the area and put heat on it afterwards but the next day my hips hurt!  Tomorrow morning I have instructions to insert a progesterone capsule vaginally and lay there for 20 minutes.  Seriously?!?  That should be interesting... I mean, does it really absorb or just hang out there for awhile?  Thinking out loud here although anyone is welcome to educate me on the progesterone pill that goes MIA.

I've wondered a lot these past three days about what really goes on in the IVF lab with our egg+sperm.  I don't know about you, but it was a weird feeling for us to think that we were busy making an embryo 79 miles away from home!  So, I did a little Internet browsing and came across this IVF clinic's website.  It has a really good video called 'virtual tour of our IVF lab' that answered a lot of my questions.  It also has an image gallery of embryos that really was helpful for me to understand the grading system.  This medical technology is just amazing.  The embryologists have to be so careful... my worry wart self was thinking "oh please don't let them drop our petri!"

Now that I've rambled with these random thoughts, I am going to try and hold my eyes open long enough to read a few blogs and then get some sleep for the big day!    

Fertility Report!

Mac and PC have hooked up in the petri dish, woo-hoo!  Fabulous Fertilized FOUR doesn't sound too bad, does it?  We were happy with that report and just hope our Fab Four continue to divide and develop!  Next steps:  Acupuncture on Friday then the Transfer on Saturday, which I've already mentioned is also our 6 year anniversary!  Hopefully this will be an anniversary that brings us the best gift we could ever ask for!  Your positive thoughts, prayers and sweet comments will get us through Saturday... Thank You!   

To be continued.......................

Retrieval

First, PC's appointment or "deposit" went well yesterday.  The nurse asked if he would like some (XX rated) magazines or DVD's.   He said "no thank you" and she said "well, we have ourselves a pro!" Lol.  I'm hoping that self esteem booster gives the swimmers some more confidence as well.

I went back to the recovery area for prepping about 8:30 a.m.   The IV was the worst part of the whole procedure because it took two tries.  I got in my lovely gown, hair net and booties, gave PC a kiss and was off to the retrieval room.  Those weren't stirrups, they were massive leg holder contraptions!   I must have started looking a little nervous and Dr. S told the nurse to give me some of the relaxing meds.   In about 10 seconds, the room started getting fuzzy.  I do remember the last thing I said... omg. I was thinking it, but blame it on the drugs for making me say it out loud.  I remember saying "I'd like to order two boys, please. Thank you!"  Laughter and one "why." I started saying something about girls being so much drama and then I was out, good thing!  No offense here, I would adore a little girl... the meds were talking!

So, I woke up back in the same recovery room and PC said "five good eggs, everything is okay." I said, "five? That's it?"  (anxious looks)   He told me that the doctor was very pleased with the egg quality and that the follicles they came from were all greater than 14mm.  It still looks like the transfer will be Saturday.

This is not going to be a "woe is me" post about wanting more eggs although I can't help but have the fear about such smaller chances for fertilization.  Instead, I'm hoping that those five eggs are meeting PC's confident sperm right now and they know just what to do!  I'll call them the Fabulous Five!  That thought gives me hope and I'm going to hang on to it.  I will get the fertility report around lunch time tomorrow but I can't post until I get home from work since those computers have filters that block blogger (how dare they?)

In the mean time, I'm feeling good. Good enough to have some Chick-Fil-A on the way home and ice cream when I got home:] I continue to take antibiotics, medrol and have my first PIO shot tonight. Sis-in-law is coming back to do the first one and will teach PC how to do it.  (One of the sweet nurses drew some markers on my backside so that he can have a little GPS back there!) 

Thank you in advance for your thoughts and prayers for our Fab Five to become perfect little embryos. I appreciate every one of you and being able to share this experience here more than you can ever know!

Just pulled the trigger!

Actually, sis-in-law pulled pushed the trigger because she's a nurse and I didn't want to take any chances with me or PC getting IM injection phobia since that shot had to be done exactly at 10:00 p.m.  Anyways, done.  Retrieval at 9:00 a.m. on Wednesday.  No more injections until the PIO.  At this point it looks like we may be able to get 6-8 eggs.  My E2 dropped today:[  But I cannot count this cycle out, I must stir up all the hope and optimism that I can find within me and believe that what seems impossible is really possible.

Lighter note- Ever watched Legally Blonde?  Then you'll know what I mean when I say that tomorrow is PC's appointment and we are not in favor of reckless abandonment!!! 

Welcome ICLW'ers!

Hello!  This is my second time participating in ICLW and it could not have come at a better time.

First, a little about us.  My blog name is Miss Mac and I'm married to PC, who thinks he has the better computer... I must disagree with his thinking here, but he is indeed my P.rince C.harming:]  We live in the southeast and have three furbabies who provide stress relief along this journey of IF. 
 

 

We've been TTC for 5 1/2 years with nothing but a B.F.N. to show for it.  I am anovulatory, have a partially blocked left tube and tests from this past year add premature ovarian failure to the list.  Sigh.   I started stims for my first IVF cycle on March 11th.  We are now two days away from egg retrieval and five days away from the transfer!  I hope to add acupuncture somewhere in the middle.  The transfer day has actually landed on our 6th year anniversary!  I have one and only wish... that this anniversary brings us the best gift ever, a BFP!  

I would love any and all support this week as we have been very guarded in sharing the details of this cycle IRL.  We have a small IRL support system who really don't understand exactly what we're going through.  Many of you have been there, you are there, or you're going there and you understand.  I hope to follow many of you in your journey and wish you all the best...oh, and a baby...or two:]

Update- Day 10

IVF #1- Day 10 update
E2- 738
Left Ovary- 1-15mm, 1-14mm, 1-13mm, 1-12mm, 2-11mm, 1-9mm
Right Ovary- 1-14mm, 1-18mm

My tentative schedule has been pushed back one day because they want to give the left side a couple more days for the smaller follicles to produce mature eggs.  I would love to see the same number of follicles on the right side, but these eggs must be my strong fighters and I'll take them!  I need fighters!  I'm out of meds after tonight so I have to go to the pharmacy at the RE clinic in the morning before my final (I think) monitoring appointment.     

Now I'm going to work on a welcome post for this week's ICLW.  Blog therapy is much needed this week in the lives of Mac and PC and hope that I can support others on this journey as well, whatever place they may be!  Happy first day of Spring, here's to new beginnings:]

The new schedule-
March 21- Trigger
March 23- Retrieval
March 24- Acupuncture (hopefully)
March 26- Transfer as well as our 6 year anniversary, I cannot believe the timing!  Just another reason I really want this to work... any and all prayers appreciated!  

Wait Eight!

IVF #1- Latest u/s and b/w for day 9 of stims:
E2- 543
Left Ovary- 2-13mm, 2-11mm, 2-9mm
Right Ovary- 1-14mm, 1-20mm

My thoughts... eight is better than the three we had a few days ago.  But my fear is that some are going to be too mature and some are not going to have enough time to mature before retrieval!  I need the ones on the right to slow down and the ones on the left to speed up.  Oh, this process is so out of my control and that makes for a frustrated me.  The Lupron should force that 20mm to wait, right? Are there usually any empty follicles?  I promise, I'm not sitting here biting my nails or pacing back and forth.  My feet are propped up and I'm enjoying the sunshine today... but these racing thoughts always make their way to the blog!

There has been a bright spot in all of this.  The RE clinic is a 1 1/2 to 2 hour drive each way and PC has rearranged his work schedule so that he can be with me at every appointment.  We've left by 6:00 a.m. for most appointments and have both been back to work by 10:30 a.m.  This time together has been fun considering the circumstances.  I never knew PC could do a R.eba Mc.Entire impression until this morning when we were arguing (nicely) over the radio stations.  We both turned and looked at a couple we were passing (no particular reason) and they both looked at us and it was a "had to be there" funny moment.  We've shared some laughs and some choice words on these drives and it has just been time for me to realize how lucky and blessed I am to have him as a partner in all things life.

We're getting so close.............................

A Few Good Eggs

First Follicle check today:
E2- 225
Left Ovary- 3 Follies at 6, 8, 11
Right Ovary- 2 Follies at 14

I was bummed when the u/s technician said "three good sized follies" but Nurse LLD called and said that I should not be discouraged.  She said to remember that it only takes one good egg.  Umm... I told her we need a few good eggs and a few more back-up good eggs!  She also said that day 6 of stims is still early (really?) and things could completely change by my next ultrasound (Friday).  I hope she's right... I need some more follicles to show up to this party!!!

She also told me, "no more menopur."  I have quit trying to ask so many questions or understand the protocol at this point.  Just do as told.  I was not a fan of Menopur anyway.  It stinks that any leftover meds can't be sold or given to the RE clinic to help another couple.  As far as I know, my RE uses any donated meds for injection training purposes only.  I'm hoping this morning was my last ever rendezvous with Menopur.

Other exciting news... tentative dates:
March 20- Trigger
March 22- Retrieval
March 25- Transfer
March 26- Mac and PC's wedding anniversary- 6 years!  Need I tell you what I'm wishing for?  :]  

Dreams, Reality, and back to Dreams!

My dreams for the guest room were more like this...

than this...

but hopefully the "clinic" will be transformed over the next several months and dreams of a nursery can become a reality.  Maybe I thought the beach towel on the table would bring me happy thoughts while I'm cursing the Menopur sting!

Speaking of dreams, I've had at least two dreams recently that involved me taking care of babies, but neither of them were mine.  That has bothered me.  One was a baby boy who had a green cast on his left arm... clearly that should have been PC's child, lol.  The other was a toddler aged girl who I loved but knew I was just baby-sitting.  I guess it sounds silly but I just think having one dream about a child that I know is ours would give me more hope and a reason to keep moving forward in the IF journey.

Well, guess this will have to do for a Monday blog post because it's time for the evening visit to the clinic.  This is day 4 of stims and I have my first check-up appointment in the morning.  I'm a little worried because, with the exception of a few twinges, I haven't really felt anything going on in the ovary area.  I was hoping for some type of growing pains!  

Hope everyone has a great week!