Multi-Brumping

Because it is Wednesday.  Because I am lacking for adult conversation.  Because I have spent more time with my breasts the past two months than my entire life.  I have invented a new word for entertainment purposes.

Multi-Brumping

Defined:  All of those other things that moms do while breastfeeding and pumping in addition to adoring the baby.

Here's my list, starting with the more obvious:
Stare at baby
Talk to baby
Sing to baby
Cut baby's fingernails
Pull flakes out of baby's hair
Pick lint out of baby's hands (I promise I bathe my baby, but this stuff is always there!)
Tickle baby's feet
Rub baby's cheeks
Rock baby chair with my foot (pumping)
Watch t.v.
Read
Anything on the iPhone- look at pictures, look up websites, read your blogs (but haven't quite mastered the commenting yet), make a phone call, read e-mail, type notes
Eat
Drink
Pray
Think about blog friends
Think about blog posts
Think about my day
Think about things to do
Think about things not to do
Think about all things baby
Think about too many things to list
I guess this would be my most unusual (and it's pretty blah)... put on make-up

What about you? 

Humor us and add your most unusual multi-brumping skills!  In fact, I have a brand new pack of Soothies Gel pads that I would love to send to the person who does the most unusual multi-brumping.  You may need them!  :]   

My Valentines

Last year, the dining room table on Valentine's Day looked like this...

This year, the dining room table looks like this...

Doesn't everyone have the following items on their table?  An empty centerpiece, a planner, bills galore, three pocketbooks (because I can't figure out the whole diaper bag/purse combo thing), hospital papers, pump parts, pens, file folders, rubber bands, newspapers, scissors (?), receipts, and the only things that do belong there... napkins and salt/pepper. 

But this year... I have something even better than a romantic dinner at home with my love.  I have TWO loves.  And take-out on the couch will taste so much better than last year's dinner because my heart is full of love for both of my Valentines! 

And nothing is sexier than a man who does dirty diapers.  

 Happy Valentine's Day! 

Two Months

Thanks for all the support yesterday!  We will be changing pediatricians as soon as we can find the right fit!  And, a call to the LC, along with your comments, made me feel so much better about our baby's weight.  So, here is his well deserved, happy two month post!  :]

Things I want to remember:

You absolutely LOVE water. I decided to let you take a "swim" in the big tub.  You can be having the worst day and a bath just makes it all better.  A future purchase soon will be some little swimmer diapers:]

You have started to smile... a lot!  Especially in the morning when you are laying on your diaper changing table.  In fact, you are usually happy at that changing table unless you are hungry!

You are in the 75%ile for height and 10%ile for weight.  Don't worry, we are feeding you but you seem to have gotten the long, skinny genes from Uncle R and Cousin K.  Um, it did not come from mom!

A CHUBBY BABY MAC

You are starting to like toys a little more.  At first, they seemed to stress you out more than interest you.  Now you enjoy kicking and grabbing at things for 10 minute stretches.

The vibrating chair is our "go to" spot for a poopy.  It seems to help the process, lol.  Speaking of that, you are not pooping as much- maybe three times a day- when it used to be all.day.long.  Love you sweet boy, but we are happy that your digestive system is becoming more efficient!  

Your 1 1/2 hour morning nap in the swing is now routine.  and it makes you a happier boy all day.  We know this because you get your mad face on when we totally turn your schedule upside down on church or doctor days.  Mad face= you cut those pretty eyes and suck on the pacifier like nobody's business.  Laughing at this does not help improve your attitude.

Yep, have to go back and change the date... thank you, baby brain:]

People comment all the time about how alert you are, taking everything in and seemingly lost in deep thought.  I caught you staring at our wedding pic on the wall and snapped a picture.  Melts my heart.

Love you so much sweet baby boy!  

So discouraged :[

Today should be a happy one of celebrating a TWO MONTH old!  But instead, it has been a really crappy because of our pediatrician wellness visit this morning. The doctor is concerned about our little one's weight gain percentile being too low.  (Maybe grandma knows something I don't.)  Then he looked at me and PC and said no offense but that it could be because both his parents are small.  Is it wrong to have a skinny baby?  I sent a text to the LC and she told me that pedi's often use formula fed charts for those evaluations and to not give up breast feeding because of this one visit/opinion.  PC said that his brother and his niece were just like our baby's size.  Our baby cries when he is hungry and is content afterwards.  But the doctor didn't ask about any of that.  In fact, he was pissed.  Pissed because we asked to wait just a few more months before starting the vaccines.  PC and I think vaccines are good.  We think they save lives and are needed.  We just want to let him get a little bigger after the strong rounds of antibiotics he had at birth, after the thrush, after the blood in the stools... we want to be sure his immune system is not compromised before being injected (in his underweight body according to the doctor) with seven shots.  Seven.  I don't mean to start a vaccination debate but it's my opinion that little babies are given too much, too soon.  Again, we fully plan on it.  But, damn it, that should be a parent's choice and a doctor shouldn't bully a parent who wants to do it a little later and a little more spread out. 
Oh, and he said that if we have not started the shots by the next visit, they will no longer offer us services.  Oh, and he said "that birthmark on his head- it's a hemangioma and I've seen them get as big as golf balls.  Nothing you can do about it."  Exits room, returns with the vaccination policy and doesn't even speak to us until I ask if we can get our baby dressed.  Our baby, who was all smiles and happy until the conversation about vaccines... then he picked up on an angry doctor vibes and tense parents and he started to scream and cry.  I wanted to join him.  I still do.

Grandma is stealing breastmilk!

My mother is in love obsessed with her grandson.  Her world revolves around him right now and she talks non-stop about him.  I am thankful for everything she did for him before he got here and I know I can leave him with her and she is a Grandma Grizzly about keeping him safe and happy.  But, in my most southern accent, "Y'all, she is stealing my frozen breastmilk supply!"  I am not kidding.  I showed her how to thaw out bags if he needed a "snack" (after I've already left a bottle) and now I have to hide bags in our big freezer.  When I step out the door she tries her best to pork this baby up and give him how much she thinks he needs to be eating.  She gives him the B.ig M.ac, F.ries and the M.ilkshake!  And, our baby missed the memo about knowing to stop eating when he's full!  I have tried to leave reading materials and educate her about breastfeeding, but she doesn't get it.  It was not a 70's thing to do!  I've tried to tell her how much more filling breastmilk is and how too much could be rough on his digestive system.  She fed him 4 oz bottles of formula in the NICU and, in her mind, he's not getting enough... thus, grandma steals the breastmilk.  I know this because I've counted the bags before I leave and find the empty ones down in the trash... gah!  Heaven help us when this child can eat solids.... which grandma can absolutely not believe happens around six months.  I have a feeling he will have already had the taste of cereal before his parents give it to him.
I'm really typing all of this with a suppressed smile.  I am grateful he has a breastmilk stealing grandma.
His grandma is a breast cancer survivor, a double green thumb who wants to pass the gift to him, the life of the party and I have no doubt that they will be best friends.  So this is a battle I choose not to fight.  However, I will keep hiding the stash:] 

Frustrated!

I guess the only purpose this post will serve is to get my frustrations out about a situation, but I'm glad for the opportunity to do that here!

I feel like there is no place for a newborn and a nursing mother at our place of worship.  The pastor wants all children in the children's area to lessen distractions, to keep them safe, to engage them in age appropriate material... agree and understand.  The problem comes with the nursery.  It is a mix of about 12 kids and half are walkers and half are what our pastor calls "bed babies" or those who have not started walking yet.  I can't help it that our LO pees/poops at 11:30 and eats at 11:45... smack in the middle of worship... but I am on his schedule right now.  So, I go to the nursery and ask if I can use their changing table and nurse.  After that, I walk around in the hallway with our little guy. 
The people in the nursery are very loving and kind.  I know several of them and they have a heart for children.  However, when you are just in there nursing (in the floor because you don't want to take over the two rockers, with a walker baby lifting up the "hooter hider" to see what you are doing) you can't help but notice the walker babies taking a bottle from a "bed baby", sharing a paci, pulling off a baby's headband, or throwing a toy that whacks another one on the head.  And I don't want my baby in the floor to get whacked or to get his bottle pulled away or to get a cheerio or something else put in his mouth.  It sounds like there's a lack of supervision, but that's really not the case.  Those ladies are working hard, especially to make sure the bed babies have been fed and changed, but all of these things happen in an instant... they can catch them, but often it has already happened.  So, I made the suggestion to the appropriate people that I would be glad to teach the 5-6 walker babies if that was a possibility.  But there's no space anywhere else.  They asked if it would help to put a rocker in the big bathroom in the worship area, but the way that our church is arranged, that would not work.  I suggested a changing table in the kids bathroom area, but they don't want any strangers in the kids area.  At least if that was there I could start to make bottles and just change him without using the nursery.  Anyway, that's the dilemma, pastor wants them in the children's area and the nursery is not the place for a newborn.  Tired of hanging out in the hallway and the only other place would be our car.  Not sure what we will do. 

P.S.  This is a new one for me... blogging from the bathroom because our little guy went to sleep in his rock & play sleeper while I was drying my hair and he looks so peaceful that I don't want to move him.  I also ate a granola bar and drank some apple juice at my makeup table.  What else can I accomplish in here?  OH, I need to pump!  Maybe I should save these comments for TVT, lol. 

Reflection

Almost four years ago, I wrote this post...

I remember before we got married. We just knew and we spoke in future terms of "our kids" this and that. We introduced our friends and more than one has made the comment "I bet your kids are going to have big, blue eyes." So, just having one of those moments... when I wonder... what would our children look like? Would they have our blue eyes and blonde hair and fair skin? If someone asked me the hardest part of IF, I wouldn't say the shots or expense or procedures- it would have to be the "I Wonders..."

Last year around this time, I wrote this post...

Here lately I've been letting my mind and heart go to places that I've avoided for a long time. Like actually scanning the baby stuff in stores when I walk by, thinking of potential names, imagining ways to share the news of a BFP and saying hello again to those darn "I Wonders."

February 6, 2012

Dear Miss Mac,

You are sitting in a rocker in the nursery you dreamed about staring at the most beautiful baby boy, and he is yours.  He has the biggest, bluest eyes.  

He has stolen your heart in a way that never seemed possible.  Every day, you see God and thank God with this child in your arms. I don't know why you had to endure the path of infertility, countless disappointment and heartache for almost six years. But you fought.  The IVF cycle was hard...emotionally, physically, and financially...but you had five eggs and two that fertilized and one that stuck.    You were so lucky.  Don't ever forget to be grateful every single moment.  There are others who are still fighting the fight.  Don't forget that PC stood by your side every step of the way and took that journey with you.  He is one proud daddy and has big plans for all of the fun he is going to have with his son.  You have a new set of "I Wonders."   You wonder what plans God has for your little one's life.  You wonder if you and PC will raise him to be a man of faith and integrity.  You wonder if you're doing a good job and making the right decisions for him.  Love him.  Teach and guide him.  Let him learn from his mistakes.  And, even on the hardest days, remember that spot that was so empty in your heart because it now overflows with gratitude for your beautiful baby boy with those big blue eyes.

Love, 

someone you were never sure you would get to be... 

Mama. 

Breastfeeding Q&A (without the A!)

I think we've mastered the latch.  We're rid of the thrush.  We're pretty much on a schedule of every 2-3 hours unless we hit a growth spurt.  But inquiring minds want to know...

Where does my milk go at 11:30 a.m.?  Because it's usually absent for that feeding so we spend about an hour staring at the bb's with the two of us getting really frustrated. 

How much should I get when I pump?  Because I pump twice a day and get about 2-3 ounces (more or less) total.  That is not going to feed a baby all day long when I return to work.  Any supply, fresh or frozen, will be gone fast at this rate!

How much does an almost 8 week old eat?  He's a peeing, pooping, growing machine... all good signs right?   

How do I keep up with which side we should be on?  Because we have tried...

 The safety pin- but I tossed that after getting stuck a couple of times in my sleep deprived state of mind.

Old garage sale stickers- but they kept falling off.  (P.S.- PC made an offer but that business is closed until further notice!)

Writing on the breast pad, which I thought was pretty clever until it became really inconvenient when there wasn't a pen around!

The Bobby (aka Booby) Pin- most fashionable but most uncomfortable. 

Really, we just try one out and if it's not getting the job done, we go to the other side.  

No, I'm not doing this perfectly, but he's still getting a Happy Meal:]  

Newborn Stuff

Recently, I've commented on a couple of moms-to-be posts about things I would recommend for their registry.  I've decided to create a list here so that I can reference the link to respond to future posts for moms-to-be who ask for the advice.  If there is something any of you have that you can't live without, please leave it in the comments and we'll share from our experiences!

However, first I should say that every baby is different so what works for us and what our baby likes may not work for another sweet little personality-of-their-own bundle of joy:] 

If I had it to do over again, I would have included more of the practical items on the registry, like:
Diapers (all sizes, we prefer Huggies)
Wipes
Vaseline
Whatever you choose for rash treatment (we love some stuff called calazime that we get at a pharmacy- explosive poops and still have not had any diaper rash!!!  Knock on wood.)
Bath wash & lotions
Germ-x pumps for the changing table
Burp cloths or cheap packs of receiving blankets or cloth diapers (these can handle all kinds of baby  messes and if you get enough of them, you will not have a hard time throwing away one that gets covered in poo... or two... or three)
Storage containers- I didn't put anything like this on the registry but now I'm buying them to store diapers, newborn clothes we want to keep, etc.
Board books (actually, these are good to find and just wipe down from consignment sales or passed along from friends)
Baby clothes hangers
Changing table covers, pack-n-play sheets and crib sheets (seems like they are in the wash non-stop)
Baby detergent

I wouldn't put any kind of clothes, onesies, stuffed animals or blankets on the list... these seem to be the things that everyone wanted to buy.  We got four piggy banks!  

Big items we love:
AngelCare Monitor
Swing (one of the best yardsale purchases yet... although the kind that plug in seem pretty nice as we've had to change the batteries already)
Vibrating/bouncy chair
Fisher Price Rock & Play Sleeper
Pack-n-Play
Chicco Keyfit 30 travel system
Chicco caddy  (This has been money well spent!  It weighs 11 lbs and our car seat clicks into it.  I can handle it by myself and there is storage room underneath for shopping or it also works well in restaurants so we're not constantly worried about putting him on top of the -dirty- upside down high chair!)

The Caddy- also comes in handy for riding around the house when you're not sure what else to do!

 There are a lot of things he has to get a little bigger for and I can't comment on (like a jumperoo or bumbo seat or toys) but some things that have been useful:
Hamper
Clock (helpful when pumping if my phone is not nearby)
Lamp
Night Light!!!
Glider rocker and some type of pillow for support if breastfeeding!!!
Towels & wash cloths
Some kind of mirror... our little guy loves to look in a mirror while he's being changed!
Some kind of musical aquarium or crib attachment
Bathtub with the mesh part on top
Diaper Genie & refills (PC's favorite because it's crazy how the poopy diaper smell disappears once you push it through the top!)
A keepsake or safe deposit box for all of those little "treasures" from the first year

"Little things" that I've found we've needed two or more for home, car and/or diaper bag:
Thermometer (hate the digital, it always tells us he has a fever... we like the regular underarm thermometer)
Nose syringe (the one from the hospital was great and it busted...have yet to find another good one for our very stuffy nose boy)
Nail clippers
Shades for the car
Backseat mirrors for the car
Mat for diaper changing (although most diaper bags come with one)
More Germ-x
And, as one of my girlfriends calls it... a Hooter Hider :]


It's hard to say about pacifiers, bottles and such... our baby has a preference for the round soothie pacifiers so I've given the others away.  Any bottles so far have been small disposable bottles.  We do use the drying rack frequently for pump parts and the disposable bottles.  

Things that our little guy just doesn't like (yet?)
Tummy time mat
Boppy pillow (which a lot of moms say is a must)
Play mat

Breastfeeding items would be a whole other post that I'm unable to do because we're still figuring that out day by day! 

Crazy the amount of STUFF that comes with a baby.  I'm trying to picture the car on our first vacation!  Really, all they need is food, diapers & love right? 

 

TVT

• Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus Baby Brain!  Forget knowing the date, what day of the week is it?  Does it go in the fridge or in the pantry?  Is it too, two or to?  Me:  "What's that thing in there that washes the dishes?"  PC:  "Ummm.... the dishwasher?"  Me:  "Oh, yeah."  If I could remember other crazy things I would post them here, but I can't remember anything!
• Grateful for a wonderful MIL and FIL.  But... a little aggravated with FIL that blue slippers with puppy dogs on them to keep my child's feet warm look "girly." 
• How in the world does something so small produce toots and and poops so HUGE?  
• What do we call "it" with a little boy?  I say we call it his pee pee and PC says that's too dainty.  He suggests it's the peter.  But what if that's a little boy's name in his class one day?  Decisions, decisions. 
• The sixth bed has arrived at our home this week.  

Why did I not know about this life saver?  Some swaddling & the dustbuster & the paci and we are getting half of the night without baby in the middle of us and half the night with baby---- ahhhhh, best of both worlds!!!  Well, the sleep is a little better after the dustbuster battery runs low!

• Got my hair highlighted this morning.  That hair made it through month nine, labor, birth, NICU and the first six weeks with a newborn.  Believe me it was time!  Pumped three days to get out for those two hours.  Do you think I processed in a chair reading a good trashy magazine?  Nope, I went to hang out in a quiet bathroom lol. 

NICU- Part 2/Final Thoughts

Our baby was in the NICU before his second day in the world.  That was when I wrote this post and asked for prayers... and they worked!

I had no idea what NICU really meant before we had a baby.  Babies were getting special care...that was my only reference.   Now I wish it had been discussed when we toured labor & delivery or that the ob/gyn would have talked to us a little more about it.  I guess they don't want to cause any undue stress.  If any mom-to-be is reading this, please read through as someone who is sharing what I wish had been shared with me.  It is not my intention to scare anyone but to inform and provide support.

Babies are in NICU for so many different reasons... ours because his spit up concerned the L&D nurse and they did some blood work and it showed signs of an infection.  If your baby has to go to NICU, possibly... you will see him or her hooked up to a machine and an IV on his/her arm or head (we started with an IV in the arm, but it leaked after a couple of days and the next one was put in his head... although it broke my heart, our baby was so much happier with the IV in his head and his arm free...the nurse explained how those veins are actually better for babies).  You probably won't get to be with your baby 24/7 as you will be receiving care from having a baby and (in our hospital) two hours were reserved for shift change and no visitors.  You will cry.  You will work so hard to get to your baby and brushing your teeth becomes a big accomplishment.  You will have many questions... can I hold him/her, feed him/her, what happens next, etc.  You will dream of being at home with your little one.

I went from extreme elation to extreme deflation in a matter of hours.  I was scared, worried and broken-hearted for what my son was going through. It's hard for any parent, but for an IF mama with an IVF baby, I don't have to tell you how my heart ached to take a baby home.  I had a lot to learn.  Now... here's the part why I hope you are still reading...

You will make it.  Your baby will be in the care of some of the most phenomenal people you have ever met, they are called NICU nurses, or angels would fit as well.  They will answer your questions.   They will encourage you and let you hold your baby (and feed if possible).  They will offer kleenex and an understanding look when you cry.  They remind you to take care of yourself so that you can take care of your baby.  They will color pictures for him and make sure that his every need is met.

 
We were lucky and I learned to be grateful.  Our son was home after 5 days... I met a mom in the elevator who was going on week 13.  I asked, How are you doing it?  And her response was something similar to- How do you not?  Those parents live. survive. and God- willing take home a healthy baby, which is the number one goal of NICU!

There was a NICU favorite baby while we were there, Baby J, who (by overhearing a caseworker talking to a nurse) I learned that rarely got visits from his mom and had been there four MONTHS.  I wanted to take him home with us too.  

On Tuesday night, PC and I had a "date" in the hospital cafeteria during no visitor time.  PC was talking about how you loved someone so much that you had only known a short amount of time and (this might only make sense to Twi.light fans) I said "Awwww, we've imprinted!"  PC (totally out of character) said "I should smack you right now for comparing our baby to some hormone-filled vampire/werewolf character!"  And that was the first laugh in 48 hours.  It helped.  A lot.   

Our H was a true little fighter.  By Wednesday, all levels were back to normal range and we were ready to "room in" with him.  They have a special room for families who are taking home their baby the next day.  It looked like a penthouse suite to us... it looked better than that!

I hope that you do not have a NICU experience but, if you do, know that those are special people who share your goal of taking a healthy baby HOME.  You're already a fighter through the IF journey and you will be a fighter for your baby too! 

5 beds, one baby

You have all these visions and plans in your head about how things are going to work out when baby is home.  Never say never!  Hence, the sleeping situation!  
Plan... he is going to sleep in the pack and play (bed #1) every night with the monitor on and all blankets off.  Good plan, but he doesn't sleep that way.  So he ends up in your arms and you both sleep hours at a time, warm and snugly, on and off the boob buffet as baby so desires.  After a few days weeks everything in your head says this isn't a good habit and not to mention how unsafe it is according to the experts and research.  Obviously, grandma doesn't like it either so she buys a little cosleeper basket (#2) that goes in the bed.  But baby doesn't sleep and DH and I lose much more sleep trying to fit in the few inches of bed that's left.  So he ends up in your arms and you both sleep hours at a time, warm and snugly, on and off the boob buffet as baby so desires.  Grandma researches and reads about a cosleeper that attaches to the bed (#3) and she wants to buy it.  Agree to try.  DH puts it together and it's no different than the pack and play except that one side rolls down... but it does not extend the bed like we thought.  So DH takes it apart and puts it back in the box (with one or two obscenities along the way).  The original bassinet (#4) in our room that we borrowed from SIL?  A make-shift changing area.  If this baby can't at least see you through mesh, there is no sleeping.  The crib (#5)?  That's a whole other transition to the other side of the house that I am not ready for.  He does like to lay in it, but only wide awake.  
So, the latest plan is to move the pack and play into our bedroom and try to get baby to make it to the first feeding before ending up beside me.  Do I get credit for at least having a plan?  Why do I feel so bad and guilty for a decision that brings hours of sleep and makes me and baby both happy?  Because I also think about the "what if" dangers and the habit that's already looking hard to break and that PC and I need to snuggle too... we have got to start reconnecting (another post for another day).  But I also am not in favor of a whole night of "crying it out" or losing so much sleep that I have nothing left to be able to give him the best care possible the next day. 

Update:  I started this post yesterday.  Baby made it through about one hour in the pack and play.  He was fussy and we kept putting the pacifier back in until the full cry came.  PC says at least it's a start... tonight we'll try for an hour and a half... baby steps:]  Any words of wisdom appreciated unless you are going to side with grandma.  Just kidding.  We are trying to transition but, again, I've learned sometimes you will do what you have to do... so sad to be moving him (okay, and me too) from our happy place! 

Pack and play, great at Christmas for staring at the tree!

In-bed cosleeper and bassinet on other side.  Picture fools you- this is a 5 minute nap!

PC putting the other cosleeper back in the box, as good as a sport about it as he could be!

Crib, great for watching the aquarium!

Mom, snoozing away! 

Crayons on the wall... already?

Not quite.  But we do have a big mess on our hands, literally! 

If you haven't had to deal with the lovely thrush, consider yourself very lucky!  If you have, you probably know about genetian violet.  It's purple topical stuff that I put on my boobs and it ends up in my baby's mouth... but it is said to be one of the most effective treatments of thrush.  We want to get rid of this nasty thrush because there is no freezing or storing breastmilk while it's active and because it causes white spots in my baby's mouth.
Anywho...
this morning PC took the baby for the  6 a.m. diaper change and he started yelling.  I jumped up and yelled "is the baby okay?"  He said "yes, but help!"  Someone (me)- who has a big case of baby brain (if it's any kind of excuse) left the lid open on the genetian violet and then someone else (PC- who really can't be blamed but is just a little bit guilty by association) accidently knocked it over.  A full bottle.  Of stuff that comes with Internet warnings like this: 
"Gentian violet is a powerful staining agent. Stains can be removed, but it's important to act quickly. The longer that nasty stuff sets, the harder it will be to remove."
Understatement.  PC worked quickly to save the hardwood while I made a sad attempt to wipe the cabinets, while listening to a screaming baby with a dirty diaper.  Finally I said "I've got to take care of the baby" and the rest was left to PC.  Good news?  He saved the hardwood!  Bad news?  He's out buying paint right now for the built-ins.  We tried rubbing alcohol and the other Internet suggestion was Vodka, but we've been fresh out of that for nine months now!  
One day it will be funny.  But not today.  Today, we are sick of PURPLE!     
Here...

and here...

and here...

 And I would post a picture of PC's purple feet but he is presently out buying paint.  He took the cabinet door to the store to match up the paint and I'm wondering if he's having to explain to the sales guy that it is a purple stain that his wife uses to paint her nipples.

Okay, maybe we will go ahead and laugh!!!

TVT

I'm joining in on TVT and it's not going to be pretty, but that's the point, right?  I need it today!

Here it is... I'm feeling a little lot resentful of the differences in mommy and daddy duties.  Hormones?  Lack of sleep?  Could there be a little Lupron left in my system? 

Disclaimer:  I am loving every single minute of this sweet time with our precious miracle!  
But when PC gets home, I'm asking "can I get a bath" "can I have a minute to eat" "can I go to the bathroom." DH does all of those things and can get a haircut too!  Y'all should see my hair...both colors:[  Over the weekend, I ventured to the grocery store for 1 hour and made sure it was a time when baby would be satisfied and food was ready if not.  PC said "I'll call our niece if I need help."  I'm not sure if he was joking or not but my expression was you must be joking!  PC is a champ when it comes to diaper changes and laundry and all of my requests of "can you get this or that."  He gets up for the 5:30 diaper change and makes sure that I can get a shower in the morning before he leaves for work.  He goes to every appointment and is very much in love with this baby.  He was my hero in the hospital and through the NICU experience and I still want to post about that when I can let my mind go there again.  I shouldn't even be thought-vomiting about this, but my vision of more 50-50 baby care in the evenings just doesn't seem possible with breastfeeding.  I adore this baby, I adore my sweet PC... but I just want to be able to use the bathroom without yelling "give me one more minute" because baby is crying in the next room and I feel bad for baby and dad. 

There, TVT out.       

Funny Firsts

I can start a post while breast feeding too, loving the iPhone! Any suggestions of apps you can't live without? 

Pictures- The photographer who did the newborn pictures came to our home when Hampton was nine days old.  We just weren't ready to get him out of the house yet so she was super sweet to accommodate us!  From this point on, we will just rely on mom's picture-taking skills since we can't afford frequent professional pictures (that money is still going on the IVF loan!)  I love the naked newborn pics but PC thinks they make our little man look a little too pretty (he doesn't share my awwhhh so sweet thoughts) so I need to add some "little man" pics for daddy!

How about this one?  This makes me laugh every time!  Anytime our little guy sees something or does something new, his eyes get huge... then he decides if he likes it or not... then whether to cry or not. 

Something else that makes me laugh.  (Background- One of the nurses in the NICU gave our baby a pacifier during the night.  I wasn't sure that we were even going with the pacifier but when I saw him hooked up to those IV's and getting comfort from the paci, I was fine with it.)  So, H only likes one kind of pacifier and it's as big as his face.  It goes almost out, then he quickly sucks it back in.  You can see his little mouth from the other side, warms my heart!   

Today we celebrated with our one month old by eating out at the W.affle H.ouse... maybe we'll go somewhere a little fancier for his one year old birthday but (again) we're still paying for IVF! 
To baby- This might be a clue that we are new parents... we didn't know where to put you!  I'm a little embarrassed to admit I asked the cook "where do people put the car seats" and he proceeded to say that he thought it would fit on an upside down high chair.  That didn't work so we kind've wedged you between the table and back seat of the booth... there weren't many people eating there or we would have made someone laugh for sure!  We are learning!  Love you oh so much and can't wait to see what the next month brings!!!    

One Month Randomness

 First, best way to start a post is to send some blog baby love out there with a newborn pic:]  

It's amazing how he's changed so much already as tomorrow we will have a ONE MONTH old, wow!

  

Update on breastfeeding:  Thanks for the comments and suggestions... you all are such a great source of support and information!  I started pumping about 1.5 ounces yesterday, once in the morning, but so far it's been used within the next 4-6 hours to allow mommy to run to the grocery store and to get through our first church service.  It has been so hard to figure out how to get out of the house with or without baby!  I also think that our little guy's thrush has now moved to my breasts:[  Tomorrow I will be getting some gentian violet and vinegar to try and stop it before it really starts.  This will be in addition to the Nystatin that goes into his mouth after each feeding and the probiotic that I'm taking.  Good news is that he is up to 8 lbs 5 oz from his birth weight of 7 lbs 9 oz so we know he is eating well!   

New adventures since the last post:  

A tub bath- and he absolutely loves it... he hates to get out!  

Lost the umbilical cord... actually, the doctor took it off which kind of freaked me out but it's healed fine since then.

First trip to a restaurant... he slept in his car seat while we ate fast!

First trip to church...slept right through!

Announcement cards are being shipped right now- if they turn out cute, I'll pass along the website.  I typed directly on one of our newborn pics and ordered a large quantity for a fraction of the price compared to other sites. 

In other news, PC got an i.Phone right before Christmas and didn't like it (wouldn't you know it) so I took it.  Yes, I'm a Mac girl, but I was anti-iPhone for a long time just because I didn't want to be so connected to work e-mail and texting in my "down" time.  But with a newborn, I am SO glad to have that connection... I can accomplish reading your blogs and a feeding at the same time, woo hoo!  Don't worry, I'm all about the bonding, but our little guy is busy and happy while eating so he doesn't mind if I keep up with my blog friends!  Besides, I usually learn something to add to the new mom tool kit so it's good for both of us.  Now, if a smart phone could just do housework lol:]   

Breastfeeding

I'm going to jump in with a post about breastfeeding because 1. I've found the other posts/comments helpful and 2.  it seems fitting to start the new year with a post about something that pretty much rules my life right now!

Here is what this amateur has learned but there is still much I'm learning each day!
GET A LACTATION CONSULTANT TO COME TO YOUR HOME, better yet skip the bonding time at the hospital and get the breastfeeding help instead--- just kidding!  I must say that the lady at the hospital only wanted to rent me a pump and answer any questions... at that point I didn't know what questions to ask... not helpful.  The consultant from our hometown that came to our house and watched everything I did... I could have spent hours with Dr. G.oogle and not learn what I learned in that thirty minutes!!!

Most important thing I learned in that amount of time...

• Latching on:  Support the baby's neck, hold your breast with the other hand and bring the baby to the breast.  Rub their lips with the nipple and wait for a big wide open mouth before you fill it with boob... and get all that you can in there!  Make sure their tongue is down and the lower lip flanges out.  If you feel instant pain, put your finger in the corner of their mouth to de-latch and try again.  If this part doesn't go well, breastfeeding may not even be an option because the nipples can become cracked (this happened to me in the hospital) or lead to lots of pain. 

So, we master the latch even if it takes multiple tries.  But then we ran into two issues.  I have a strong let-down and (I think) an oversupply.  Those sound like good problems to have, but instead it's caused issues for my little guy like gagging, gulping, major gassiness and (sorry tmi) greenish frothy poop... ugh, ugh, ugh and major ugh!  The oversupply means that our baby is getting too much of the milk that comes out first, which is higher in calories but not enough of the milk that comes out last, which is higher in fat.  So, he is not getting a balance and it leads to stomach irritation.  To work on these issues, we're staying on one side for a long time, expressing a little bit of the milk in the case of a too strong let down and I'm making sure his head his elevated above the breast.

Next I want to figure out a time for pumping and how to store breastmilk for future feedings.  But will that only make my oversupply problem worse?  The tummy issues aren't completely resolved either so I'm not sure what else to do if those problems continue.  Whew!  No one could have told me how much work breastfeeding is!  But I know it's good for our little man and "nothing good comes easy!"  Back to the boob baby :] 

Happy New Year!

First Two Weeks

Wow, life with a newborn.  There is not much time around here to be on a Mac or PC!  We have been trying to settle into a new normal the past two weeks.  We're working through two issues right now... a case of thrush and some slightly bloody stools.  We've been to the doctor and have medicine for the thrush (and I'm taking a probiotic and not drinking any milk) and, because our little guy is otherwise very healthy and not running a fever, we just have to monitor his poopy diapers right now.  Life changes when you have poopy diaper pictures on your phone... and send them to people for second opinions!  Both issues are possibly connected to the strong antibiotics that our baby had in the NICU.  Although I do want to remember the details of this precious time and everyone says "it goes by too fast" it's also very scary.  Your mommy and daddy love you very much sweet Hampton and wouldn't hurt you for the world!  We're trying to make every decision with your best interests at heart! 

Question:  Does anyone have any advice for thrush or have you had the experience of blood in the stools?  

Things I want to remember...

How you sleep with both hands in tight fists by your face, one by your chin and the other under your chin

All of your funny faces and stretches when waking up

When taking a bottle, you make these cute little noises... eh, eh, ehhhhhh

After breastfeeding, you smack your lips

You are so happy with a full tummy

You start out in the pack-n-play at night but end up next to mommy, we both get our best sleep that way

Your "little" cry sounds like a car idling

Your "big" cry sounds like a laugh

The sweetest dimple on your right cheek

The way you open your mouth in a crooked way and stretch your neck when hungry... like a baby bird

How strong you are!  I think you're going to follow your daddy on the mountain bike trails as soon as those strong little legs will reach the pedals!

The wide open, curious blue eyes that love to look in a mirror and stare at the fish on the swing and the Baby Einstein aquarium.  

The laughs & shouts from mommy & daddy getting pee'd and poop'ed on, you'll think that's funny too one day but now you just stare at us like "get on with it and change my diaper!"  (By the way, we are getting better!)  Dad has been the laundry King!  He is extremely anal about using Shout and getting everything to the wash ASAP.  

You are a little guy with some major gas... I feel so bad when you're straining but the doctor said that he would be very rich if he could solve baby gas issues... so mommy will just have to be careful about what I eat!  

I just keep thinking, is this for real?  This is our baby... a baby that very much has stolen our hearts and changed our lives in a way we never thought possible.  

 Special Moments

Singing...

Baby, All I Want For Christmas is YOU!   

Merry Christmas from Mac & PC and our sweet little miracle! 

The Birth Story

I have already written NICU...which is a part 1... but here's what happened prior to that scary wake up call Sunday morning.

The Start
On Friday morning, I woke up about 7:00 a.m. with a crampy feeling.  At this point, I had stopped getting excited over cramps and decided they were just gas pains.
Went to the bathroom and looked in the tp as I have every single day of this pregnancy and there was the mucous plug!  I walked out of the bathroom and said to PC "OMG (and I'm not even a big fan of text lingo) OMG, I just lost my mucous plug... it could be hours now!"  PC said "I thought it could still mean days."  Me:  "Let's think hours.  Good grief, I have to go to the bathroom again."  But I couldn't hold it and didn't make it... my water broke at 7:15 a.m.  For me, it started as a trickle and then the "gush."  It was the strangest feeling ever!  And it kept coming... and kept coming...and kept coming... I  yelled to PC  "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh... my water just broke!  We've got to go!  But I need a shower... and to put a few more things in the bag... go ahead and put everything in the car...gotta call the doctor... I can't believe it!"  PC by this time has jumped out of bed and was worried about a few work things that need to be resolved... one was a pie delivery.  I asked him why he didn't have a back-up plan and that we were going to have a baby and could not be worried about pies!!!  Anyway, we rush around for about 45 minutes making phone calls, showering and getting the car ready and finally we're off.

The Car Ride
I tell PC that I want to get a biscuit.  He told me he didn't want to deliver a baby in a car and I told him everyone's advice was to eat something before labor & delivery and I was hungry!  PC was irritated and driving 85 mph.  I told him I really wanted to actually make it to the hospital.  About 10 minutes into the drive (hospital is 30 minutes away), another gush.  I had a mega pad on and a towel but it didn't help.  So, I had PC make another stop at the Dollar General (one on every corner in the Southeast) for a pair of jogging pants and underwear.  I was not walking into the hospital with wet pants, priorities lol.  I had to change in the hospital parking lot.  He also got a mega lollie... more about that later.

The Mega Lollie

 The Arrival
We arrived about 9:30 a.m. and checked in.  The nurse had to go with me into the bathroom and make sure my water broke.  I was thinking... seriously?  Confirmed and off to lucky room #7!  They did my first check and I was at 2 cm.  So much for the movie scenes where the water breaks and the couple barely makes it to the hospital in time!  A nurse peeked into the room and told me my mom was in the hallway and asked if she could come in.  We had specified to family that we didn't want them there during the labor... I just wanted the time for focusing on baby.  But I'm an only child and we had one really excited grandma-to-be there so we let her in for a few pictures and hugs and promises to send updates. 

The Labor
I was not feeling contractions that morning.  So the walking began.  We walked and we walked and we walked.  At 6:30 p.m., I started feeling contractions and we didn't leave the room after that point.  During this time, I wanted dark and complete silence.  During each contraction, I was telling myself "closer to baby, breathe, closer to baby."  I remember (and so does he) telling PC that his shoes were squeaking.  I told him he was getting off easy with my need for dark and silence!  I snuck in a few graham crackers and had a few of those during this time too.  I disagree with the 'absolutely nothing to eat' policy... definitely a time that strength and energy is needed!  I labored from 6:30 to midnight and just knew the next check would be a "10 and ready to push!"  No such luck.  I was 4 cm. Bring on the epidural.

Walking, walking, walking

 The Epidural
I knew we had to speed things up with my water breaking.  Epidural lady came and she was no nonsense.  I remember telling her I was scared of this because I had scoliosis and she said everything would be okay.  She talked me through each part and I remember her popping the top of the needle with her mouth, putting it in her other hand and tossing it across the room to the trash can, hitting it spot on.  Funny the little things you remember but I was thinking "I'm in good hands here!"  I didn't want the epidural for different reasons, but, in my case, I really believe it would have ended in a c-section if I had not because things were just not progressing and I was getting close to the point of being at risk for infection because of my water breaking. 

From 4cm to 10 cm
From midnight to 4 a.m., they added pitocin

off the charts

Pushing
I remember telling the doctor "let's do three pushes and get him here!"  He laughed and said that it might take a few more than that but we would try.  He had to get a mirror for me and coach me through pushing where I needed to push but when I saw the head and hair, extra motivation kicked in!  Hampton was born at 7:21 a.m. and then the room became a blur while PC and I cried and looked into the sweetest face I've ever seen.  I remember telling him how long we had waited on him and how much he was worth it.  Then he pooped, lol.  But at least he waited until outside the womb, such a gentleman.

Welcome to the World

The "Push Present"
A sweet card and necklace from PC.  It means eternity.  Perfect gift from my P.rince C.harming:]

Little details
In conversation before the pushing, it came up that this was an IVF baby and we had tried for years.  One of the L&D nurses said she had one unsuccessful IVF and adopted a baby girl and that we were giving her hope that they might just try one more time.  She stayed through shift change to help deliver the baby and cried with us.

That darn mega lollie... it caught my eye several times during labor and I told PC to get rid of it... looking at it made me sick!

After I got the IV, they looked for the baby's heartbeat.  It took her a long time and PC and I shared a look of sheer panic.  It became the first of several and I remember saying later in the week "why can I not just get a baby home?!?"

I still had my bra on for some reason and it needed to come off.  The nurses were having a hard time getting it around the cords and IV and I said "cut the bra."  They were like "no, we'll help you save the bra."  Totally a female moment!

Advice for packing for moms to be...

• Lots and lots of socks!  Some for walking on the nasty hospital floor, some for comfort, and cheap ones you can cut if your feet swell afterwards like mine did!

• Disposable panties... they don't give you enough of these things but they worked during the walking/labor part and after labor because they stretch and-best part- you just toss them in the trash!  My ob/gyn said we could purchase those in the lingerie department, another funny detail I remember.

• Snacks... I wouldn't have had any strength without a few graham crackers here and there.  I know the reasoning because you don't know if surgery will be necessary but sometimes people need emergency surgery and they haven't fasted... I was thankful for those crackers!

• Cottonelle and colace to prepare for that first bm.  Enough said. 

HOME

Thank you blog friends for your thoughts and prayers during my stay in the NICU.  The doctors and nurses helped me to get healthier and stronger every day and I am happy to say that I am HOME!
Love, Hampton

Update... NICU... prayers please

Blog friends, please say a prayer for our sweet little Hampton. 
(Typing as fast as I can version because we're in survival mode and every minute spent with our sweet boy is the only way we're holding it  together.)  We spent all day Saturday rejoicing with family and friends.  There is no way our little one didn't feel the love because of all the hugs, happy tears, smiles and baby adoring going on!  Throughout the day he would spit up in a choking kind of way and the nurses said it was perfectly normal because he could have swallowed some amniotic fluid/mucous.  We learned to use the little suction tool and all seemed well.  Later that night, PC and I had about two hours before the next feeding and one of the nurses said they could watch him sleep for a couple of hours in the nursery since the spitting up was a worry and we could get a couple hours of sleep.  We said that would be okay.  One and a half hours later, the nurse comes in and says that Hampton spit up and it was green and she called someone from the NICU to come look at it and he was downstairs being checked out.  Two things here- #1- PC and I would have not known that was cause for concern- sorry but we're amateurs here-and we would have thought 'mucous.'  So, kind've a blessing in disguise that he was in the nursery when it happened.  #2- You do not wake up any mother- and especially an IVF mother- and tell her that her baby is "down there being checked out."  Within the next hour (when we could sort everything out...this is around 2 in the morning btw...) our baby had been hooked up to an IV, a chest x-ray was taken and he was on antibiotics.  I called our ob/gyn and some people really got in trouble for taking these steps without the parents knowing... you girls could understand my anger, but I had to move past that quickly... Hampton needed me.  So- green spit up is a cause for concern because it could indicate a bowel blockage, infection or (best case scenario) just a sensitive tummy.  However, you have to rule out blockage/infection.  His bloodwork that morning came back with a high white blood cell count which could mean #1- he's fighting infection or #2- (other best case scenario) sometimes it's elevated just from the birth experience and adjusting to their new world.  He has been down there ever since and my heart is outside my chest right now, it's wherever he is.  I'm down there as much as possible, only coming to our room for meals and meds and a few short naps when a grandma or dad is with him (dad's on duty right now and that's a different post- thank you God for my sweet PC).  When I try to nap, I smell him on my hand and that's when I cry myself to sleep.  He is doing so good... a little trooper meeting every goal... but they are not letting him go yet in order to totally rule out infection and watch him after more feedings to check for anymore suspicious color in the spit up.  NICU is "they do not go until we're 100% sure he's a well baby."  With newborns, every doctor & nurse has explained to me that timing is everything and pre-prevention and being overly cautious is what keeps babies from a more serious illness.  I want them to be overly cautious but I WANT HIM HOME.  AND YOU ALL KNOW HOW BAD I WANT HIM HOME.  So please send some good thoughts or prayers for our sweet little guy our way... for this face... and this mama that has waited on this for almost six years.  Thank you blog family!  Love to you all!  Back to my baby boy!

Introducing...

Baby Hampton born 12-10-11 at 7:21 a.m.  

 More details to come but we are SO in LOVE 
with our little Miracle Baby!   
Indescribable.