To Laugh or Cry?

I choose to laugh. The e-mail of the day between Mac and PC.
A glimpse into our crazy L'IF'E!

Waiting Game...

IVF 2011 update: Still waiting on everything... AF, meds, schedule, financial clearance, BFP!

I have an MRI scheduled for this Friday to check out the pituitary area and another 'acupuncture before IVF' after that.

Here lately I've been letting my mind and heart go to places that I've avoided for a long time. Like actually scanning the baby stuff in stores when I walk by, thinking of potential names, imagining ways to share the news of a BFP and saying hello again to those darn 'I wonders.'

PC is totally on board with the IVF plan but very worried about me if this doesn't turn out how we want it to. He wants reassurance that I would be okay if it does not work. I've told him the givens 1- I want the answers from IVF about ovulation & eggs regardless of the outcome 2- life and the mission to 'make each day count' will go on 3- I love him very much and that won't change. Anything other than that is unknown territory and I would have to deal with those feelings & emotions in my own way, on my own time. At this point, I just want to get this process started and take it one step at a time!

FYI- I was informed by PC that my pics of the fur babies did them no justice so I've pulled that post until I can get better pet portraits... like that's an easy thing to do!

From B*tch & Gripe to Blogs & Gratitude!

Reverse (infertility) psychology... "AF, I don't need you to get here so I can start IVF. Take your sweet time and skip if you want to this cycle. I know a skipped cycle doesn't mean a BFP, but rather that I don't ovulate. Thanks for being such a faithful reminder that my efforts in baby-making have failed!"

I should probably lose the attitude during IVF. I'm hoping it's PMS!

I called my ob/gyn (Dr. B6) today and asked his nurse to see about ordering an MRI of the pituitary gland for me. I really haven't come across many blogs where this was done in the multitude of IF diagnostic tests but I want to do it for a couple of reasons 1- a pituitary adenomyoma can cause anovulation 2- what's one more test in the world of IF? I don't have headaches. I don't want to think about an adenomyoma hanging out in my brain. But I don't ovulate and this would be one more piece of the puzzle. I'm not sure why I even feel the need to explain this to IF'ers... resilient women who would go to the ends of the earth if it meant one step closer to the prize! Thanks out there in blog world for listening/crying/screaming/laughing along with me and letting me do the same in each of your lives. A blog should be on the treatment list right.before.Clomid! :]

Add emotional... gotta be PMS!

IVF Meds=!@%#!

Yesterday afternoon I called the IVF nurse/coordinator to let her know I'm still eager to get things going with IVF but that I've been playing phone tag with the financial clearance person. She said we could go ahead & get the meds ordered. She told me the specifics of what I would need and that I could call pharmacies for prices. And then things started unraveling from there.

I made a stupid mistake when planning & budgeting for everything. I interpreted the information about discounts from the Ferring Heart Program wrong. I thought the FHP discount would put our total for meds around $2500. Imagine my disappointment and disgust when I called the pharmacy & they gave me the total of $4860+$10 program enrollment fee to get the discount (!@%#!). This price is for Bravelle & Menopur, 10 days worth, WITH the discount. In addition to being disappointed & disgusted, I came home feeling defeated because it makes us $2300 short.

I realize one reason these meds are expensive is because pharmaceutical companies have to make a profit and price goes up with less volume. But why does it feel like such a trap? Think of all the unused vials out there that go to waste or are used for injection training purposes because of FDA guidelines. Add that to the "IF sucks because... list!"

Things looked a little brighter when PC reminded me that was just one pharmacy and he would see what he could find out online. By the time he was finished, he had made a spreadsheet of different pharmacies and price comparisons. See exhibit A below.

How sweet is he? How lucky am I? He lifts me up when I need it most and sees the glass half full when I think it's beyond empty! If we are able to use some of the pharmacies he found online, we can get the cost closer to $3000. These meds better stimulate the economy ovaries in a major way!

Acupuncture- Before IVF

My acupuncture plan throughout IVF is to go once before, during and after the procedures. Today was my before visit. I don't know all the correlations with acupuncture and IVF success rates but my main reason for going is that it relaxes me more than any massage or glass of vino!
It is also always interesting to hear what Dr. C has to say. His main goals for me from this visit were 1. I need to exercise more and "break a sweat" were his exact words and 2. Spread out the multi-vitamins, especially while going through IVF.

About the exercising... he said "you know when someone cuts you off in traffic and your body tenses up? Your body is like that all the time and you need to get rid of some pent of energy." He also said, "I realize you have a job that can be really stressful but you are going to eventually end up with ulcers & gallstones if you don't manage it better." (Lovely, all I could think about was how Cesar Milan imitates the dogs with pent up energy and scolds rehabilitates the owners for not giving them enough exercise). Remember this post? Nothing has changed and I sure don't want to decrease my chances during IVF because of all this extra tension I carry around. So I guess I need to get moving and do that belly & butt busters DVD that I so loathe!!!
Breathe in, breathe out.

The multi-vitamins... I kind've got lost in the explanation but something about how our bodies stop doing what they are meant to do through eating a healthy, balanced diet. PC says it makes sense but I've got to think over that a little more. That's the one habit I'm really good at!
And good news... from the Eastern medicine viewpoint, my hormones appear to be in balance!