SOS- Survival Week

Not going to post a "Simplifying on Sunday" goal list this week because, in addition to a 50 hour work week ahead, we have three evenings with stuff going on:[  Instead, it will just be a survival week as we end the month of January.  Is that crazy... seems like a month that usually goes by slowly just flew!  This time last year I was half-way into my maternity leave and spending my days snuggling up with a newborn.  Time I will forever cherish that went by way too fast.  Oh how I wish we had the Canada one year maternity leave plan!   

In other news...
This weekend LB officially started walking.  Yay.... I think:]  He had started taking steps around 11 months but then something happened and the kid went on a walking strike.  Anytime we would let go of his hands, he would sit.  If we tried to get him to stand back up and he was on to our game, he would buckle his legs.  I don't know what was up with that... maybe because he had a few hard tumbles... anyway, this weekend he decided it was time.  It is quite a sight to behold because 1- that's my baby walking and 2- he holds both hands out in front of him like a mummy.  Eh, we'll work on that later! 

Off to get some things done for this crazy busy week... hope it's a great one for all of you!!!

Total Random-ness

• An IRL friend told me about the i.Period app that keeps record of anything and everything related to AF.  For anyone TTC, it has a fertility component that's really good.   

• It's a sleet/ice day here in the Southeast and that means everyone loaded up on bread & milk yesterday and schools were closed today in order to survive the winter storm.  Let me brace myself to step out on the front porch to show you a winter storm in the southeast.  Cracks me up...

 

• I'm not complaining about the winter storm because my view right now is my sweet boys enjoying an afternoon nap while I'm cozy on the couch getting to blog about random-ness.  Nice.  (PC is somewhere under that blanket.)

• We made the move to the Stage 2 car seat this week and went with the Brita.x Marathon.  LB likes it but I need to read a little more about it because it just doesn't feel as secure as I think it should feel or maybe it's because he looks smaller in the bigger seat.  We're going to keep him rear facing for a few more months or as long as we can height-wise.   

• This 20 seconds caught on video keeps making me laugh.  We'll call it Operation Paci Rescue!

First Haircut

I held out as long as I could but when LB's baby mullet started curling under and hair started covering his ears, it was time. I just didn't like the thought of cutting my baby boy's first year hair! Yet another first to remind me that we are cruising on to the toddler years faster than I would like.  However, it was not any kind of sad occasion or emotional meltdown (for mom).  Instead I broke out in a sweat trying to figure out how to distract him while PC held him because he kept trying to squirm away from the scissors (which I would probably do too).  Thank you iPhone and some app where cars & trucks make noises. Wish I had gotten better pictures but things were a little chaotic at the time!  In fact, this was just before he squirmed again and PC yelled at me "bring back the phone!"  Good times.

Simplifying on Sunday

Well, I didn't cross everything off the list last week but having a plan was helpful and a step in the right direction so let's try again...  

• Make 2 dinner meals, chicken casserole & taco soup
• Post 3-5 clothing pieces on local classifieds or ebay
• Thank you cards for LB's birthday
• Make dental appointment
• Brush LB's teeth!  He has 12 teeth and that is a mouthful so for the life of me I cannot figure out why I keep forgetting to make this part of the bedtime routine!  Better... and he loves it!
• Call ob/gyn again and ask for credit check. 
• Hang up clothes (As opposed to laying them over the hamper and telling myself I'll do it the next day.)  Obviously I listened to myself:[
• Mail the thank you cards
• Make 2 dinner meals- chicken & dumplings & burger sliders
• Buy a carseat!
• Make LB's next wellness visit appointment
• Work on transitioning to sippy cup for the supper bottle
• Paint magnetic square in the playroom  

What's for dinner?

Why yes mom!  Thank you for introducing me to these yummy foods! 
grilled chicken
grilled fish
muffins
pancakes
bananas
green beans
rice
sweet potatoes
strawberry & banana yogurt
avocados (sometimes)
puffs
prunes (baby food)
goldfish
oatmeal
pouch/squeeze fruits

What are you thinking mom?  After I spit these out, I will promptly toss them in the floor!  No thank you!   
eggs
cheese
deli meat
any kind of pasta
any other veggies besides the ones listed above
any other fruit besides banana unless it's in a pouch
Why are you frowning?  OH, these are supposed to be yummy?  These are easy to prepare you say?  Well, I do like to keep you challenged... maybe you could ask your blog friends what food(s) they think I might like! 

I can't just live off of puffs?  Please allow me to prove otherwise!

Simplifying on Sunday

Simplifying on Sunday (how appropriate that creates the acronym SOS!) is going to be a new addition to my blog, starting today. 

It is probably not of much interest to anyone unless you really want to know of my on-going domestic and organizational challenges but I like that it gives me a feeling of doing something, of accountability and-instead of making yet another list that gets lost through the week- combining it with something that makes me happy- blogging- just seems like a win-win!

This week:

• Make 2 dinner meals, chicken casserole & taco soup (yep, just 2 is a good goal for us... you don't want to know what and how we eat through the week around here!)
• Post 3-5 clothing pieces on local classifieds or ebay
• Thank you cards for LB's birthday (must do because that was a month ago already!)
• Make dental appointment :[  speaking of dental...
• Brush LB's teeth!  He has 12 teeth and that is a mouthful so for the life of me I cannot figure out why I keep forgetting to make this part of the bedtime routine!  
• Call ob/gyn again and ask for credit check.  (We paid on a procedure that ended up being covered by insurance and our account shows a credit but we still haven't received the check.. it has been months trying to get this worked out, grrr.)
• Hang up clothes (As opposed to laying them over the hamper and telling myself I'll do it the next day.)

There, a small start.  I'm really struggling to keep up with things that need to be done at home because I spend my evenings surviving the work week and the weekends soaking up time with my boys.  Major cleaning and organizing is just not happening right now but I've got to do better with the basics!

separation anxiety is not cool

We have had a generally easygoing baby the first year who has adapted well to new surroundings or around new people.

 So, wth happened in month 13?!?

We have left LB in a couple of church nurseries only to check on him and find him crying to the point of catching his breath.  Not cool. 

When someone comes around these days that he doesn't recognize, he buries his head into mine or PC's shoulder and makes a "grrrr" noise.  Not cool, slightly embarrassing. 

He is happy in new places and situations... as long as no one speaks to him.  Mom and Dad are saying "Grrr!"

I have no idea what to do except hope this is a phase and get through it!

As a consequence, I am increasing his chores:]  

Monday Snapshot- Staying Warm

This picture just cracks me up!  You know that scene from A Christmas Story where the younger brother is too bundled up and cries "Mom, I can't put my arms down!"  This is the baby-toddler version!  We went to a theme park over the holidays and had just pulled inside a store to warm up a bit in the pic below.  It was c-o-l-d outside but LB enjoyed the sights and sounds under his two layers, hat, scarf, coat and blanket!

SAHM... if I had the choice

Live to work or work to live?  I used to think I knew which one was me and I am surprised that I am questioning it a lot lately.

We are in the situation that I don't have a choice, but I never thought I would want one.  If people IRL knew of these thoughts they would ask, where is Ms. Mac and what have you done with her!  Wow, how life and perspective can change so quickly.  Do not get me wrong.  I know that stay-at-home is work-at-home and there are good days and not so good days, but home really is where my heart is these days.  I feel guilty being away.  I feel like I am missing out at a crucial time.    

Then I think about how fortunate I am to have the job situation that I do and that I went to college for years- and years- because this was is my dream.  I worked so hard to get it.  Why am I even thinking otherwise?   

One thing that has been really hard is that before I became a mom, I worked a minimum of 50 hours a week there and several more at home.  I have since cut back to 40 hours and am scrambling during the day to find ways to make up for those hours and not take work home.  I was always one of the first cars in the parking lot and one of the last to leave.  Trying to now find more balance leaves me feeling inadequate in so many areas.

These days those last thirty minutes of the work day my mind has already gone home, to those little hands that wrap around my neck and that big smile that greets me.  To see what kind of day he has had.  To hear "mama."  

I just thought that returning from maternity leave would get- as everyone said- easier each day.  It has not.  Every holiday and break, it gets harder.

Last payment on...

... our child!  Yay, we have a receipt and he will not be returned and/or exchanged:]  

I guess in some ways parents are always paying on/for their children but this is the last payment on a loan just to get him into the world!

But worth it?  You better bet your E-I-E-I (extra E-I)-O on it! 

Once an infertile...

I have a boatload of diagnosis related to IF.  In fact, here it is for the blog world to see as written by my RE:

(Miss Mac) is a patient at the (E. Reproductive Center).  She is a 33 year old PO woman with a history of anovulation, endometritis, simple endometrial hyperplasia, unilateral tubal disease and Asherman's syndrome.  She has undergone 8 clomiphene citrate, 3 letrazole and 2 IUI cycles.  She underwent laparoscopy hysteroscopy in 2009 and had correction of the uterine scarring at that time.  Her recent blood work at the ERC demonstrate diminished ovarian reserve with an antral follicle count of 10 and elevated estradiol.  Due to the number of prior failed ovulation induction cycles and diminished ovarian reserve, we have recommended IVF.   
 
One IVF cycle and one precious baby boy later- thank you ERC- you did something amazing with a very messed up reproductive system!

(By the way, can I blame baby-brain or should I know the acronym PO?  The first thing that came to mind was Pissed Off and, although true when it comes to IF, I don't think that fits this particular dx.)

The original purpose for this post was to say that I think I had a smidgen of hope that since my body did this amazing thing that maybe the hormones would straighten out.  I don't even have to ovulate since we are done with ART, but I just was hoping for a once a month cycle that had some sense of normalcy to it.

Not ovulating, for me, means AF starts and she never stops and she is outright hateful about it.  One RE explained it to me that I have too much of one hormone and not enough of the other, so it's like always having a foot on the accelerator and not the brake.  I will spare you the details but what most of my IRL friends describe as a bad AF is the norm here.

So when AF started before well before Christmas and was still here for the new year, I said hello to someone I am not very fond of.

 I can tell you how this will go.  This will trade AF for nausea, neither of which is desirable but one zaps me more than the other and I need all the energy that I can get these days!  Then for the next cycle we will have a repeat unless I get more BCP, which leads me to have thoughts of a hysterectomy going through my mind.  Even the thought puts a lump in my throat and a knot in my stomach.  Even if we are done with family building, it just seems like a door slamming rather than one shutting.  And then to those that didn't get the choice or didn't get the one good egg, I will shut up.  And for you, my heart bursts and the tears flow and I want you to have the desires of your heart... please believe that. 

I want the new year to be full of love and laughter in our home and these messed up cycles, well, they just bring me and my family down with them.  I don't know exactly what that means for us and this post went all over the place, just like my hormones, and I appreciate anyone who read it through and listened. 

... always an infertile.