(Miss Mac) is a patient at the (E. Reproductive Center). She is a 33 year old PO woman with a history of anovulation, endometritis, simple endometrial hyperplasia, unilateral tubal disease and Asherman's syndrome. She has undergone 8 clomiphene citrate, 3 letrazole and 2 IUI cycles. She underwent laparoscopy hysteroscopy in 2009 and had correction of the uterine scarring at that time. Her recent blood work at the ERC demonstrate diminished ovarian reserve with an antral follicle count of 10 and elevated estradiol. Due to the number of prior failed ovulation induction cycles and diminished ovarian reserve, we have recommended IVF.
One IVF cycle and one precious baby boy later- thank you ERC- you did something amazing with a very messed up reproductive system!
(By the way, can I blame baby-brain or should I know the acronym PO? The first thing that came to mind was Pissed Off and, although true when it comes to IF, I don't think that fits this particular dx.)
The original purpose for this post was to say that I think I had a smidgen of hope that since my body did this amazing thing that maybe the hormones would straighten out. I don't even have to ovulate since we are done with ART, but I just was hoping for a once a month cycle that had some sense of normalcy to it.
Not ovulating, for me, means AF starts and she never stops and she is outright hateful about it. One RE explained it to me that I have too much of one hormone and not enough of the other, so it's like always having a foot on the accelerator and not the brake. I will spare you the details but what most of my IRL friends describe as a bad AF is the norm here.
So when AF started before well before Christmas and was still here for the new year, I said hello to someone I am not very fond of.
I can tell you how this will go. This will trade AF for nausea, neither of which is desirable but one zaps me more than the other and I need all the energy that I can get these days! Then for the next cycle we will have a repeat unless I get more BCP, which leads me to have thoughts of a hysterectomy going through my mind. Even the thought puts a lump in my throat and a knot in my stomach. Even if we are done with family building, it just seems like a door slamming rather than one shutting. And then to those that didn't get the choice or didn't get the one good egg, I will shut up. And for you, my heart bursts and the tears flow and I want you to have the desires of your heart... please believe that.
I want the new year to be full of love and laughter in our home and these messed up cycles, well, they just bring me and my family down with them. I don't know exactly what that means for us and this post went all over the place, just like my hormones, and I appreciate anyone who read it through and listened.
... always an infertile.
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You summed it up perfectly - once an infertile, always an infertile...it just never seems to go away!
Thinking of you.
Ugh, tough decisions ahead. How shitty that you are still dealing with a screwed up reproductive system, even when you're probably done having kids. Hang in there hon.
Mac I am so sorry about that DOOR SLAMMING feeling. all us IFers understand all too well that we want to make family building decisions because it is what we want not becuase we have no other options. <3 My heart goes out to you. Love to the cutie pie boy of yours!
You know, I agree on the slamming of the door - it just seems so FINAL even though we know that it doesn't REALLY matter. But does it? We talk about who will get "fixed" once we're done and neither of us wants to do it for the same reason you're stating - it's a door that is slammed shut. No one likes having forever-shut doors in their life.
Good luck sorting through this, and trying to get your cycles back to something manageable. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
Ugg :( I am so sorry that you have to deal with decisions like this. It shouldn't have to be this way but I know it is and that truly sucks. I can understand how you feel about it seeming like a door slamming shut. I would feel the same way. It is such an extremely tough decision and I am sorry you have to face it. :( Hugs!
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