I've been thinking... (IF Vent #3)

... about how pregnancy is achieved so easily for some. How is that?!? I've learned much more about the female reproductive system than I've ever cared to over the past 3 years. Obviously those who deal with IF get the fine print version. Like when you get something with an instructional manual & it doesn't work so you turn to the back where it says "If it didn't happen... then maybe..." or "Try this..." Most of the time I've taken something back by then! Maybe the next time I visit the RE I'll say... "I'd like a refund on these ovaries please!" I was great with thinking that sperm meets egg-- sounds easy enough! But then when it didn't happen cycle after cycle, I started the 4 r's of IF... reading/researching/relying on specialists/ranting on blogger. ---- Let me get this straight... my cycle is managed from my brain when the hypotha.lamus sends a message to the pitu.itary at just the right time and both must have just the right amount of FSH & LH (don't forget estrogen/progesterone) to release an egg at just the right moment which must travel to just the right place to meet with just the right swimmer--- and this happens all the time!?!  I'd just like the chance to not worry about my brain not sending the right signal to increase the right hormone needed to stimulate a mature follicle to release a viable egg... wouldn't this seem like a reasonable request? Is it a mystery to anyone else how this happens right on cue (planned and not planned) for so many???

Thankful for...

It seems appropriate to count my blessings on Thanksgiving Day. Those would include a wonderful husband, a loving family, caring friends, having a home, food, clothes- things I'm sure I take for granted, my health (except for the not ovulating!), a job & job security... and the list goes on.
AF showed on Sunday and I'm also thankful that it seems to be -dare I say it- normal. I went for acupuncture last week and told Dr. C about my 1 year to IVF plan. He said "that gives me time to get you in the best health possible for the procedure" but I wished he would have said "hopefully you won't need it by then." SO, I just finished watching a news clip about the the effect of stress on fertility. It talked about women who have high levels of stress have excess cortisol around the brain and could benefit from talk therapy (that doesn't sound cheap). The OB/GYN expert said that these women often have high expectations for themselves. Hmmm.... sounds familiar!
Too tired to blog much tonight... too much turkey! Think I might turn in early although I'm not planning on a big shopping day tomorrow- don't need to add to my stress level!

Happy Thanksgiving out there!

November Ramblings...

Last night, PC (very sweet of him) and I went to see the movie Twi.light in a theater FULL of teenagers. We got there 20 minutes early and still had to sit in the 2nd row. I'm always partial to the book versions because you're "there." I loved the book series (even if the intended audience is 10 years younger) and loved the first movie... the actors were a good fit. I think PC even got a little interested in the whole vampire saga! IF ladies deserve pure take-my-mind-away in a relaxing kind of way distractions, whatever that may be.

We're missing our dog, Cooper... doggie deprivation around here. We're stalking the couple that has some puppies that will be ready in a couple of weeks, and we're looking at others that are due the first of the year.

So... is it crazy that Thanksgiving is here? I'm a creature of habit & it's no different with the holidays. I make the same casseroles with the same recipe in the same dishes. When I try new things, it usually doesn't turn out so good... so I stick to what I know. Broccoli casserole, rice casserole & carrot souffle are on my "mastered" list. Carrot souffle tastes like a sweet potato and it makes 4 square pans- 2 for now, 2 to freeze for Christmas. The trick with it is to make sure the carrots are boiled long enough and it's all mashed good. (Learned that the hard way.) If anyone's interested:

Carrot Souffle-

• 1 3/4 lbs peeled carrots

• 3/4 lb sugar
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla
• 2 tablespoons flour
• 3 eggs
• 1/4 lb margarine, softened
• powdered sugar

Directions

1. Steam or boil carrots til extra soft& drain well.

2. While carrots are warm, add sugar, baking powder and vanilla.

3. Whip with mixer til smooth.

4. Add flour and mix well.

5. Whip eggs separately and add to mixture, blending well.

6. Add margarine and blend well.

7. Pour mixture into baking dish-ABOUT HALF FULL--as the souffle will rise.

8. Bake@ 350 about 1 hour or until top is light brown.

9. Sprinkle lightly with powdered sugar before serving.

It's COLD here. I can handle the cold okay until around the middle of January and then my attitude is "blah...grrr...tired of winter, skip spring & bring on summer."

My mom called this morning & said she's having genetic testing done soon. She's also having her ovaries removed because of high estrogen (next year) and she had a melt down on the phone... which makes me sad, but for what she's been through I'd have a good cry now and then too. My mom and I have had a up/down relationship... she had me at a very young age, divorced soon after that, & I've always felt like the grown-up. But these three things are givens about my mom:
1. She's strong & stubborn- so breast cancer didn't have a chance. 2. She loves life- her energy & ability to be the life of the party is something I wish I had more of. 3. She would be a GREAT grandmother.

Enough of things on my mind... feeling a nap coming on & some of my blog world friends have inspired me to pull out some Christmas decor.

No Baby Blues

Why does it seem that I sail through some weeks without letting infertility consume my thoughts and then some weeks it constantly hits me right in the face? I'll call it a "no baby- blues" week. I smiled through a baby shower. Everywhere I turned someone was very pregnant or talking about a pregnancy. Everything on television... books...radio... you know what I mean. However, PC & I finally decided on a timeline & a plan, which gives me a new sense of hope & determination. For one year, we're putting back enough $$ to cover almost all of an IVF procedure. In one sense, that seems like such a long time away and then, in another, the past 3 years have flown by so what will one more hurt? PC irritated me a little when he said "so you'll do all the doctor says to do months before IVF?" Um, easier said than done. In this journey, I have tried a lot of things... different foods, herbs, ov tests... etc. and, no, I don't always stick with every thing just like PC still enjoys biking & hot tubs... two things on the "no" list when TTC. I've come to this realization- eat as healthy as possible, keep doing acupuncture (it makes me feel better), recognize & reduce stress as much as possible, take a daily vitamin, laugh, blog... those things I can do consistently. And those things, with faith & prayer, will do more for preparing my mind & body than anything from a book or doctor! In the mean time, TTC natural won't hurt anything:]

A long week!

It was one of those weeks. The kind where it was raining one day before work & I lost my balance on a curb- shoe came off- resulting in wet sock- type of week. I'm ready for the upcoming holidays and a change of pace, even if it's still a busy pace. I have no idea when AF will show up next (day 35) in this long cycle. I have ac.upuncture this week. Otherwise, I just continue to avoid this or that, try to make sense of these cycle patterns and think about possible timelines for IVF in the next year.
One thing that has been totally distracting in a relaxing kind of way has been reading the St.ephanie Me.yer's series. Someone recommended them and described it as a story about a girl falling in love with a (good) vampire. I thought- nope, not my kind of reading material. But I thought reading the first one couldn't hurt... and since... I've read all four & didn't want them to end. I've already made PC save the date for the upcoming movie. I tried to convince him to read one of the books, but he says the movie will be good enough:|
We also have the possibility of a new puppy to look forward to in the coming weeks... there's one litter that's 3 weeks old & we're supposed to look at them soon. That would also be a total distraction!

Husband Vent #1

I love PC. I really do. Have I mentioned that PC also stands for Prince Charming? But can I please be entitled to pick one-- just one-- teeny little marriage thing that has been hard to adjust to? There really is a male obsession with the remote control! I found this out quickly after saying "I Do." It's not like I want to watch a soap opera or Hall.mark movie every night... just want to find a compromise so that what little down time we do have is not filled with the truth about ufo's, hauntings, Big.foot... I'm not interested. And... Who is the person making the decision to play L.ethal W.eapon every night of the week? History channel- it's okay in small doses. I will say that I have come to like the D.irty J.obs guy &--I'm really mad about how this one has grown on me-- I S.houldn't Be A.live- who can't stay glued to these shows to find out how they really survive!? SO last week, the volume button stopped working. This led to an urgent trip to buy an all-in-one. PC wanted a $70 remote control. That will buy like 1 vial of Foll.istim. I had to object. Uh-oh, so PC started reading over my shoulder and placed the "Great All in One" in my lap in a not-so-gentle way and mumbled/muttered something about going outside. And that is why I am about to find out who is still in the D.ancing with the S.tars competition:]

Blog Makeover

I've been trying to figure out how to change my blog template this week. I like the new look, but it's changed some things that I can't figure out how to fix... yet. Blogging has been, in some ways, a kind of therapy. I think having a blog to vent, connect with others, and just be "me" has helped (PC agrees) my frustration level. BTW, this is #50! I've learned a lot from reading about other couple's experiences and treatments. Oh, this morning there was a very faint line on the ovulation test. It doesn't mean anything significant (or low levels of hormone?) since the line has to be equal or darker in color to the test line, but it is nice to see something. Of course I'd really love to see two pink lines:]