The Perfect Planner

Every year, I live by my planner. I would be so lost without it. I'm always searching for the perfect planner and on a organizational mission and a couple of weeks ago I came across the At A Glance Lifelinks planner. I know this verges on OCD, but for all of you out there with type A personalities... check out this planner! It just came through the mail today and I am so excited (yeah, that's sad!). If I have to go through IVF this summer, at least I'm going to know where I'm supposed to be and when I'm supposed to be there:] Hopefully.

Sun & Sand & Good Friends

Today I returned from a weekend beach get-away with four good girlfriends. Not much time to blog this month because of work demands, planning a b-day party for my mom and just being busy in general. I hope to do better! I needed this weekend. Being with close friends and putting everyday routines "on hold" is good medicine! Even though I had a few seconds of self-pity/sadness when the discussion turned to all about their kids, it was short-lived. They all know my struggles & I just turned it into humor if they asked or it was part of the conversation. Within our group, we all have struggles... some more than others with marriage, finances, health and the friend I've known the longest, "Ed" faces challenges that none of us can understand as she helps her son overcome Autism and reach goals that others take for granted. Our relationships recognize the struggles but we mostly live in the moment of talking about things that totally give us a mental break. The sun and sand and time with friends was therapy. BTW, I did miss PC:]

Next Steps

Dr. S went over my last test results today. I do not have PCOS, but I seem to always have a thick endometrial lining no matter what day of my cycle it is. Dr. S wants to find out if there's anything to that (she mentioned cancer- no stress there!) and, if not, it looks like IVF is around the corner for us! Another ultrasound today confirmed that the cyst ruptured and a follicle size 2.9 is on the right side and the technician said I had 2 eggs. Dr. S was concerned that was a low count. I also had blood drawn (of course) to check hormone levels. OK- so I thought I had read and researched just about everything in the whole baby making process and I'm still confused. Why is there a follicle there at this point in the cycle (day 28)? Is that the same as a corpus luteum (sp?)? How does she "see" eggs? So, I commented "does everything from the u/s confirm that I'm definitely not pregnant?" To which she answered "no." Complicated is an understatement. So, that's where I'm at/where I'm headed in the next few weeks & now I'm ready to post about things that are not so complicated!

Recent thoughts...

Back to blogging. My work is busier than usual through the month of May and it's pulled me away from the computer. As far as where I'm at with IF, I have a "next steps" appointment with the RE on Monday and acupuncture again on Wednesday. I'm going to tell him to repeat whatever he did the first time since I actually had a normal cycle! PC says that it's because I took a month of BCPs... but I'm a little more optimistic about Eastern medicine than he is.
Several things have been on my mind lately. First, we've had some beautiful weather and it put me in the mood to plant a little garden... by little I mean like 6-7 plants, including this one. I do not have my mother's green thumb, but I love to try! While I was working, I thought about how the whole planting process compares to IF and how frustrating it is that I can't get anything to take root! All I could think about was that line from the movie Raising Arizona where Ed found out she couldn't have children... "the doctor explained that her insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase." Is it ironic that I can quote most of this crazy movie and in the past I thought it was hilarious & now I can relate to the infertility madness!?! So, back to my mini-garden... I will enjoy watching these grow & let's hope I can publish another picture in a few weeks that doesn't look just like the one above! OK- second thought(s)... maybe this will teach me to be better about keeping up with this blog... Mother's Day Weekend. I don't know what my other IF friends are doing, but I'm running! I'll admit that I'm going through an emotional-even at times bitter- mind-set and I've asked PC if we can just run from it all and he's wonderfully understanding & supportive, as well as our moms. You do not realize until you go through IF how our culture divides moms and non-moms. Now, I see & hear it all the time &, since I'm allowed & encouraged to vent here... it s-t-i-n-k-s!!! One last thought, I promise. Is it a complete anomaly that on the day we receive our grand tax refund check I turn too soon out of the garage and now have a huge bill to fix the damage on our new Jeep?