Meltdown at the Mall

I had a meltdown at the mall last night. It started building up in T.arget when we walked past the baby section and there were two moms-to-be with handheld scanners choosing items for their baby shower registry. Then, somewhere in the middle of B.elks, which was full of babies & toddlers gearing up for E.aster celebrations, I told PC- "take me home!" And I cried when we got to the car and muttered a lot of "it's not fair" and "I'm mad." And he held me. And stopped on the way home for pancakes. Thank you, PC. And it's almost been 4 years now that we've been TTC... every holiday time shouts infertility and last night I felt like shouting back. Enough said?

IF Thoughts & Dog Tired

In the IF world- no news is not good news. Still doing acupuncture & saving for IVF later this year. I signed up for a Y.oga class this summer. (Really serious about the Learning to Relax... see previous post!) Blogger buddies "around me" are getting BFP's with IVF a lot here lately. I'm truly happy for each and every one of them. Most of them with twins! In fact, I feel more happiness for people I've never met through blog world than I do when a co-worker or someone else I know IRL announces a pregnancy. For me, it's kind've like you're in a race and (it seems) many have a path free of obstacles and cross the finish line with little effort... and then there are those that are alongside me and there is obstacle after obstacle put in our path & you want them to finish as much as you do for yourself! And all the while-- the clock keeps ticking louder:[ Does that make sense? Anyway, I don't follow a ton of blogs--seem to gravitate more towards those who have some commonalities aside from IF-- those with similar female problem history, pet lovers, educators, type A organizers-- but I've cheered and cried here for several cyber sisters & only wish them the family they so desire whether it happens through adoption or fertility treatments that result in BFP's!

And to end on a funny note & hence the title of this post, PC & I took Apple & Charlie camping this weekend. Apple was so tired that she fell asleep while I was rubbing her belly. I moved back & thought for sure she would move... but she stayed that way for nearly 30 minutes! I have never seen anything quite like it! PC held the lantern over her while I snapped a picture with his cell phone. Guess she had all the fun she could take! See for yourself... what could she be dreaming about???

I need to learn...

how to RELAX. PC and I just got back from an overnight stay at a B.ed & B.reakfast to celebrate our 4 year anniversary! We worked in couples massages & the lady kept telling me "just relax" and I realized that's not so easy for me. Not the same as the "maybe if you just relax" infertility advice... I want to tell those people where to shove it. It's the kind of relax that involves new people & new situations. Like during the massage (new situation) I was thinking "this is pretty good money for an hour--what are we going to do after this--what time is check out--how much should we tip--I have to pee"... sad, isn't it? I guess she sensed that & thus the "just relax" comments. And at the break.fast (new people) some people were talking about some things that were interesting to me but I didn't want to join in the conversation for fear of... what? I don't know! Saying something stupid- shouldn't matter, especially when that's the only time we'll ever see those people again! I did start tuning out when the conversation turned to their kids...how old...how many... but I can't run from those conversations all of my life either. I'm an introvert--G.oogle says I'm a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. It's true. New people & situations make me tired! But I want to get better? at this if that's a possibility. The only way that I can think of improving here is to... just do it. Take risks. Take a class. Give a speech. Go to a party. How do some people make this look so easy? Social butterflies out there... what's the secret?

Charlie

Dog lovers- let me tell you about Charlie. I wanted to come up with a pseudo-blog name, but he is just 100% Charlie. PC & I thought that the Gol.den Re.triever was the only dog breed for us but we have been smitten by the Newfound.land. Fallen completely head-over-heels for this 4 month old, 48 lb. (yep) bear cub-looking, food-loving, massive head of black fur-sporting bundle of fun! So... we were making fun of his awkard sideways gallop/run and then he jumped in the pond next door and put us in awe! This clumsy, silly, but oh so sweet, dog gets into the water and effortlessly glides around as smooth as a paddle boat! He does come complete with webbed feet to help out and his breed is happiest when they are in the water, but it is amazing to watch!!! Even Apple is staring at him... she is not quite convinced that swimming is that much fun yet!
If only--- we could add a little not-so-furry baby to this family......
life is good would get even better:]

My First Long Swim

Thrill of a Deal

First... I spoke too soon about my cycles becoming regular. March wasn't so nice to me & AF stuck around way too long, disappeared for a couple of days and decided to show up again! Sigh.

So- for the title of this post... does anyone else get really excited when you find a really good deal? I do! I love a good sale or a good coupon! One example... PC and I will be celebrating our anniversary next week and have decided to go for an overnight trip to a cool city within 2 1/2 hours of driving distance. I found one B.ed and B.reakfast that had the biggest suite available for only one night. So, I called & negotiated with them & we now have this suite, along with couples' massages, scheduled with a savings of $150+! I also have a few websites that help me when we have a specific purchase in mind- fatwallet.com, retailmenot.com, pricegrabber.com, currentcodes.com- are bookmarked. Recently, I went to a "g.old party" where you take old jewelry pieces that are broken or earrings that are missing a match... and got $80 for three pieces that haven't come out of my jewelry box in more than 10 years. SO- now... how could I get a discount on an IVF cycle? Insurance covers nothing. Grrrrr.
Sometimes, I think this embarrasses PC... like the time that I took in a coupon for a free meal at C.aptain D's and asked for a to-go box so that I could eat the rest of it for lunch the next day. Is that too cheap? And- never have a garage sale with PC. I expect for people to negotiate and he tells anyone that asks "no, that's nearly new" and gets mad when someone asks for a dollar less on his "precious stuff" (that he hasn't worn or used in years)! No, he doesn't quite share my enthusiasm for a good deal. So, does anyone have any good tips or websites for stretching the dollar?