Once an infertile...

I have a boatload of diagnosis related to IF.  In fact, here it is for the blog world to see as written by my RE:

(Miss Mac) is a patient at the (E. Reproductive Center).  She is a 33 year old PO woman with a history of anovulation, endometritis, simple endometrial hyperplasia, unilateral tubal disease and Asherman's syndrome.  She has undergone 8 clomiphene citrate, 3 letrazole and 2 IUI cycles.  She underwent laparoscopy hysteroscopy in 2009 and had correction of the uterine scarring at that time.  Her recent blood work at the ERC demonstrate diminished ovarian reserve with an antral follicle count of 10 and elevated estradiol.  Due to the number of prior failed ovulation induction cycles and diminished ovarian reserve, we have recommended IVF.   
 
One IVF cycle and one precious baby boy later- thank you ERC- you did something amazing with a very messed up reproductive system!

(By the way, can I blame baby-brain or should I know the acronym PO?  The first thing that came to mind was Pissed Off and, although true when it comes to IF, I don't think that fits this particular dx.)

The original purpose for this post was to say that I think I had a smidgen of hope that since my body did this amazing thing that maybe the hormones would straighten out.  I don't even have to ovulate since we are done with ART, but I just was hoping for a once a month cycle that had some sense of normalcy to it.

Not ovulating, for me, means AF starts and she never stops and she is outright hateful about it.  One RE explained it to me that I have too much of one hormone and not enough of the other, so it's like always having a foot on the accelerator and not the brake.  I will spare you the details but what most of my IRL friends describe as a bad AF is the norm here.

So when AF started before well before Christmas and was still here for the new year, I said hello to someone I am not very fond of.

 I can tell you how this will go.  This will trade AF for nausea, neither of which is desirable but one zaps me more than the other and I need all the energy that I can get these days!  Then for the next cycle we will have a repeat unless I get more BCP, which leads me to have thoughts of a hysterectomy going through my mind.  Even the thought puts a lump in my throat and a knot in my stomach.  Even if we are done with family building, it just seems like a door slamming rather than one shutting.  And then to those that didn't get the choice or didn't get the one good egg, I will shut up.  And for you, my heart bursts and the tears flow and I want you to have the desires of your heart... please believe that. 

I want the new year to be full of love and laughter in our home and these messed up cycles, well, they just bring me and my family down with them.  I don't know exactly what that means for us and this post went all over the place, just like my hormones, and I appreciate anyone who read it through and listened. 

... always an infertile.

Transitions- Any advice?

Lots of blog catching up and two posts in two days can only mean that I have a few days off work and I'm trying to make the most of it!

And I would like to ask for some advice on any area that anyone would like to offer it on the topic of the following transitions:

From the infant car seat to a stage 2 seat.  LB is 20 lbs and 30 inches.  We currently have the Chicco Keyfit 30 (love) and he is fine in it weight-wise but length-wise he is getting uncomfortable.  His feet are almost touching the back of the seat and his head is about an inch from the top of the seat.  Any recommendations for the next car seat?

From bottle to sippy cup.  Not sure when and how this should take place.  At our one year check-up, we told the LPN how many bottles/ounces we were doing and she actually giggled and said "no wonder he is not eating any solids."  We have since dropped a bottle, but we only use the sippy cup for juice/water.  

From no, no to NO! NO!  If a kid can talk, I can talk about choices and consequences all day- basically my day job- but all that I know to do with a one year old who loves to spin the toilet paper holder when I'm running bath water or turn my back for a millisecond is to say "your dad likes the expensive tp so we really need to keep that on the roll... how about a ball instead?"  Then there is the throwing the "dislike" food on the floor behavior- which drives me crazy- so I say "no, no" to which he looks me straight in the eye and promptly picks up the next piece of dislike food and drops it on the floor in a different spot.  Then my "no, no" gets a little bit more stern and then he cries while dropping the next piece in the floor.  So... he doesn't like the word "no" but hasn't connected it with stopping the behavior.  I like the distract method most we give lots of "good job" praise when we can, but there has got to be some no's and some NO's along the way.  Other ideas?

I could google these topics (and we are reading car seat reviews) but I prefer to consult the experts- thank you mom's!  

Meltdown Moments

This year, PC and I decided to forego any major Christmas gift giving to each other and go on a mini-trip instead.  We had a good time but there was one baby meltdown that had us breaking out in a sweat!  I thought I would share it here because when people share a meltdown story, I am laughing and feeling your pain at the same time. 

LB had fallen asleep on the way to eat.  We took him in a fish house restaurant in his car seat still asleep and put him in the net holder thing.  He actually slept through most of the meal but we (thought) we were glad when he woke up because he needed to eat.  LB looked around at this loud place covered in fish decor and he was not happy to be there.  Cue crying.  You would think we would have just headed out the door at that point, but LB loves fish and we didn't take much baby food and needed him to eat.  PC moved the holder and pulled the high chair around.  We try to put him in it, still crying- all the while I'm trying to stuff fish in his mouth- but he stiffens his legs and is not having it.  A shoe comes off.  PC moves around to reach for the shoe and his chair falls over.  Cue big crash noise where there is that second that a (loud) restaurant becomes silent- think crashing plate- and all eyes are us, the couple trying to convince a baby in meltdown mode that he wants to eat fish in a strange place.  That was a very long second and I should have had more sympathy for PC but I had to laugh at that point.  We tried a few more minutes to reason with our baby having the meltdown but it never happened.  Out the door we went with our crying, hungry baby and it took awhile before we got our happy boy back that evening.  Whew!

Something else (funny) that happened.  We stayed at a hotel with an indoor heated kiddie pool and we took some swim trunks for LB... but forgot the little Swimmers.  We had some pull up diapers and decided those were fine for a temporary fix.  Why did I not know that regular diapers blow up in water?  More specifically, stuff comes out everywhere that looks like crushed ice!  Thankfully I got him to the restroom just in time and had to clean up the mess in there rather than in or around the pool.

Sorry, no pictures of either scenario because, in the moment, we were just trying to problem solve as quickly as possible.  But I do have a pre-explosion diaper picture:]  Traveling has become quite an adventure!

I hate CIO.

The getting to sleep routine is fine.  Going to sleep in the crib for an hour or two is fine.  We let him cry for about 10 minutes the first night and 15 minutes the next night, but on the third night when I went in and wiped snot off of his face & changed his shirt from tears, I claimed failure.  What's worse, now he won't take good naps in the crib since we did some CIO:[  I don't judge anyone who went the CIO route, I've read and heard enough to know that it does work and there are benefits for mom, dad and baby, but I can't do it.  Never did I see us co-sleeping but it has happened and now I've made my bed and have to lay in it.  I used to dream about having these kinds of problems and they are indeed still sweet dreams:] 

Merry Christmas!

Making memories with our baby, pinch me because I just said our baby, was simply wonderful.  Hope your holiday was filled with special memories too!  Merry Christmas from Mac, PC & LB!