IVF... sooner than I planned? Advice please...

I recently came across an ad for a bundle price for IVF at an infertility clinic about 1 1/2 hours from my home. Here's the ad...

My SIL's sister had 2 unsuccessful IVF's at this clinic but she was very happy with the care from the RE and staff. (She adopted a sweet 14 month old boy from R.ussia since then.) Originally, my plan was to save enough for most of an IVF cycle in 18 months (13 months to go). Now, this offer is causing me to re-think that plan. The price is not that much of a savings if it works the first time, which- if that happened, I wouldn't care anyway!!! But it does seem to be a really good deal if it didn't work the first time. I'm not sure if it includes meds or not---I played phone tag with them last week. The IVF cycle has to be started by Sept. 1, 2009... PC & I will be in the middle of building a house (haven't blogged much about that- but we've decided that the time & price are right). Now, let me say if I became pregnant at ANY time, I would shout it from the rooftop & be thrilled!!! But if my future path to pregnancy requires IVF (right now day 14 of AF & no end in sight is looking like IVF is my only hope), I wanted it to be at a time of "less stress" (than usual) & have most of the money to cover it. So, I'm trying to weigh the options here. I'm definitely going to take advantage of the free diagnostic evaluation and get a feel for the RE office & staff. No insurance for infertility procedures just plain 'ol sucks!!! Others out there... what do y'all think about this offer?

Meltdown at the Mall

I had a meltdown at the mall last night. It started building up in T.arget when we walked past the baby section and there were two moms-to-be with handheld scanners choosing items for their baby shower registry. Then, somewhere in the middle of B.elks, which was full of babies & toddlers gearing up for E.aster celebrations, I told PC- "take me home!" And I cried when we got to the car and muttered a lot of "it's not fair" and "I'm mad." And he held me. And stopped on the way home for pancakes. Thank you, PC. And it's almost been 4 years now that we've been TTC... every holiday time shouts infertility and last night I felt like shouting back. Enough said?

IF Thoughts & Dog Tired

In the IF world- no news is not good news. Still doing acupuncture & saving for IVF later this year. I signed up for a Y.oga class this summer. (Really serious about the Learning to Relax... see previous post!) Blogger buddies "around me" are getting BFP's with IVF a lot here lately. I'm truly happy for each and every one of them. Most of them with twins! In fact, I feel more happiness for people I've never met through blog world than I do when a co-worker or someone else I know IRL announces a pregnancy. For me, it's kind've like you're in a race and (it seems) many have a path free of obstacles and cross the finish line with little effort... and then there are those that are alongside me and there is obstacle after obstacle put in our path & you want them to finish as much as you do for yourself! And all the while-- the clock keeps ticking louder:[ Does that make sense? Anyway, I don't follow a ton of blogs--seem to gravitate more towards those who have some commonalities aside from IF-- those with similar female problem history, pet lovers, educators, type A organizers-- but I've cheered and cried here for several cyber sisters & only wish them the family they so desire whether it happens through adoption or fertility treatments that result in BFP's!

And to end on a funny note & hence the title of this post, PC & I took Apple & Charlie camping this weekend. Apple was so tired that she fell asleep while I was rubbing her belly. I moved back & thought for sure she would move... but she stayed that way for nearly 30 minutes! I have never seen anything quite like it! PC held the lantern over her while I snapped a picture with his cell phone. Guess she had all the fun she could take! See for yourself... what could she be dreaming about???

I need to learn...

how to RELAX. PC and I just got back from an overnight stay at a B.ed & B.reakfast to celebrate our 4 year anniversary! We worked in couples massages & the lady kept telling me "just relax" and I realized that's not so easy for me. Not the same as the "maybe if you just relax" infertility advice... I want to tell those people where to shove it. It's the kind of relax that involves new people & new situations. Like during the massage (new situation) I was thinking "this is pretty good money for an hour--what are we going to do after this--what time is check out--how much should we tip--I have to pee"... sad, isn't it? I guess she sensed that & thus the "just relax" comments. And at the break.fast (new people) some people were talking about some things that were interesting to me but I didn't want to join in the conversation for fear of... what? I don't know! Saying something stupid- shouldn't matter, especially when that's the only time we'll ever see those people again! I did start tuning out when the conversation turned to their kids...how old...how many... but I can't run from those conversations all of my life either. I'm an introvert--G.oogle says I'm a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. It's true. New people & situations make me tired! But I want to get better? at this if that's a possibility. The only way that I can think of improving here is to... just do it. Take risks. Take a class. Give a speech. Go to a party. How do some people make this look so easy? Social butterflies out there... what's the secret?

Charlie

Dog lovers- let me tell you about Charlie. I wanted to come up with a pseudo-blog name, but he is just 100% Charlie. PC & I thought that the Gol.den Re.triever was the only dog breed for us but we have been smitten by the Newfound.land. Fallen completely head-over-heels for this 4 month old, 48 lb. (yep) bear cub-looking, food-loving, massive head of black fur-sporting bundle of fun! So... we were making fun of his awkard sideways gallop/run and then he jumped in the pond next door and put us in awe! This clumsy, silly, but oh so sweet, dog gets into the water and effortlessly glides around as smooth as a paddle boat! He does come complete with webbed feet to help out and his breed is happiest when they are in the water, but it is amazing to watch!!! Even Apple is staring at him... she is not quite convinced that swimming is that much fun yet!
If only--- we could add a little not-so-furry baby to this family......
life is good would get even better:]

My First Long Swim