and then there was one :[

Today at our place of worship, the pastor was speaking about faith and believing God to make the impossible--- possible.  He mentioned three couples struggling with trying to have children that were covered in prayer a few months ago and that prayer had been answered for two of the three couples.  Then his eyes scanned the room until he met ours and he said "I still believe it's going to happen for the other couple." 

Can you combine a whole lot of feelings into a single moment?  Because at that moment I felt sad, angry, overwhelmed, disappointed, frustrated, confused and hurt.  It took all my strength to get out of there without tears.  All of the plans I had for the day just seemed to vanish and all I want to do is lay here and feel sorry for myself, feel like such a failure.  Now I feel bad that I've dragged blog friends into this pity party as well.  But it's real and this is an outlet for how I truly feel.   

My heart is so, so heavy today.

God, I know you're listening and you already know the emotions I felt today.  

Please don't forget about us.  Please answer our prayers too.       

Baseline Appt.

Yesterday morning was a chaotic baseline appointment.  They were running behind at 8:15 a.m. and those people were in some type of panic mode!  They moved me from room to room with barely enough time to drop my drawers, much less ask any questions.  I did drum up enough courage to ask the -in a rush- u/s lady if she saw any cysts while she was completing the down there photo shoot and she did not.  Yeah!  Then I moved across the hall to have an endometrial biopsy too... something about ruling out inflammation.  My RE's understudy is all business, all the time.  [Short story-  I've only seen him crack a smile one time when he was doing an u/s and pointed something out to another intern (always on display, sigh) in the room about my fun--s and I said "excuse me, did you say fungus... like bacteria?"  You could see he was trying to stifle a laugh (gee thanks) and informed me that the top of the uterus is called the fundus.  Embarrassing moment.  I was thinking I would have to add "moldy" to my list of fertility problems.]  Back to the biopsy- Instead of "good morning" he says "this is going to cause some pain, did you take anything?"  Ugh.  Not as bad as the tubes test but it would be next on the infertility treatments pain-o-meter.
 
Nurse LLD called me a couple of hours later and said that while the u/s and labwork were okay, Dr. S. does not want me to start stims until she has the results from the biopsy.  The good news is that everything looks calm but the bad news is we're in a "wait to start stims" phase.  Patience is a virtue, blah, blah!

I must say thank God for Nurse LLD.  I showed her the syringes/needles that I have and told her I didn't think I had enough and she went around the corner and came back with some extras to help me out.   Then I showed her the vials of solution that came with Bravelle. They are tiny glass bottles with no rubber stopper.  Nurse LLD said "I haven't seen these in a long time.  They used to come with a file.  Hold on."  Around the corner she goes, and back she comes with some vials that I do know how to use until I can figure out these little things.  Love her and you all would too!

By the way, do any of you have vials of solution that looks like this?  What is the best way to open them?  I don't see a file and Nurse LLD said to wrap it in a dishcloth and push backwards?  I'm sure there's something out there on the Internet.  I'm confused about exactly how to get this mixed with the powder.  

Wish everyone a great weekend!  It's a rainy, cold Saturday here so that says "blog reading morning" and lazy day to me.  Hope to catch up with many of you soon! 

Baseline=Tomorrow!

I'm really worried about baseline being tomorrow.  It has been one of those weeks.  PC getting sick in addition to recovering from surgery.  Check.  Flat tire.  Check.  Major stress at work.  Check.  AF with a vengeance.  Check.  So I am hoping that baseline tomorrow morning does not add "big fat cyst" or something else to end what has been a really rotten week.  Nurse LLD said they hope to see a lot of nothing tomorrow... so that I can move on to stims!  So here's to nothing...nada...zilch...zero... just for tomorrow and then it's time for

What:  A follicle growing party

Who:  Follicles, preferably with eggs

When:  The next two weeks

Where:  Left ovary, right ovary

Forget the pain, what about the sperm?!?

I asked PC to "give me the middle finger."  Please allow me to explain.  I married a guy who went through his "battle" scars on one of our first dates.  Strange way of impressing???  Anyway, I was introduced to the ski accident scar, running into a pole scar, dog bite scar and (alas the middle finger) the changing a tire scar.  That one is my nieces favorite... they call it his "looks like a butt finger!"  I think it's a pretty good description, don't you?

So, this weekend PC's stomach pain turned into an ER trip which resulted in the new appendectomy scar! Oddly enough, this one might turn out to look like a smile:]

So, to get to the point of this post... PC is laying there in pain and the doctor is telling him what's involved in removing his appendix and here's my one and only question...

Is this going to affect his sperm?

Pause.  Strange looks.  Explain IVF.
Dr. assures me that PC should not have any problems with his part of the process.
PC says "I have an easy job."  Laughter.
This is one crazy ride.  

IVF Questions- Part 1

I have two days left to take progesterone.  I am on day 5 of Lupron shots.  I am supposed to call Nurse LLD when AF shows up after the last progesterone pill.  Disclaimer- I know that every cycle is different, every person is different and to 'expect the unexpected' over the next few weeks.  Nevertheless, I always have questions floating around in my head (hence the Part 1) and say "thank you" in advance to anyone who would like to share your thoughts about any of the topics below. 

1.  How closely does the antral follicle count predict number of eggs at retrieval?
2.  When I get to the stims, are their any foods/diet tips associated with reducing the risks of OHSS? 
3.  Did anyone else not take BCPs prior to an IVF cycle? 

Lastly, should I put this back under the counter or not?!?

 

It's had a home under the counter for a long time but my RE clinic is also connected to a university and my "delicate and sensitive areas" as described on the box will soon be on display for research purposes as well as IVF.  Prerequisite for IVF- keep your sense of humor about some things!  :]