And the winner Is...

Now what are the odds of this?

Commenter #16 belongs to the person who inspired me to do a giveaway because I won her first giveaway, cool!  Congrats to Carlia at The Stork Drop Zone for winning the clips and notepads!  Thanks to everyone who participated and I already have an idea for the next giveaway so please join in again!

No worries in the works

This is my mental ring tone here lately...
 
Worry...
Worry, worry, worry, worry
Worry just will not seem to leave my mind alone

I had a whole post written about constant worries that consume my thoughts.  PC read it before I published it and told me that it would not be support or encouragement to my blog readers and y'all deserve better.  I'll say it one time a year, he's right.  Bottom line, I'm just having a hard time putting the worries aside.  I'm letting infertility hold my mind and heart hostage and I'm the only one that can change that. 

One or both of these three day old miracles believed in me and now it's my turn to believe in them!

Blog Give Away!

A few weeks ago, I was the recipient of a blog give away from sweet Carlia at The Stork Drop Zone.   I was so excited, I never win anything!  Carlia is always coming up with ideas to bring the IF community closer together, her posts are honest and helpful, and one day I'm going to ask her how to create buttons because she does an awesome job with that!  I'm pretty sure she's headed toward her first IVF cycle and I really hope it brings her a BFP!  I had every intention of sending a big "thank you" her way but it got delayed a little because I was in the middle of the IVF madness and it took me a few days before I could do the online shopping (which provided some stress relief btw) and use the $15 code at the CSNstores website.  Anyways...  since it was IF/blog related... I purchased a sweet little interactive baby book.  My thinking was, if this IVF brings a BFP, I've just purchased the first item for a little Mac and/or PC:]  We are major bookworms, so it's very fitting!  If it didn't bring a BFP, it was going to be a gift for the next baby shower, and believe me, there's usually one around every corner.  But I sure wanted that little book.  Anyway, it came the day before my beta and I left it on the porch until I got the news.  I know.  That's extreme, but some of you share my jinx feelings!  Later in the evening after I got the BFP call, I brought in that little gift-to-self-via-blog-give-away and it was a sweet moment to know that (hopefully) this little book is staying right here!  So, thank you very much Carlia!  

The blogosphere has been a great support system and I want to join in and give back as well.  Up for give away is a cute little set of notepads and binder clips in the new Vera Bradley pattern, Lemon Parfait.  This pattern reminds me of spring and new beginnings... and someone may be able to put these to use in organizing for treatments or (better yet) OB appointments and such.  It's not much, but I'm so excited to have the chance to give this to someone.  I like to do things really simple.  If this is something you would like to have a chance to win, please leave a comment that lets me know you want to be included in the drawing.  Then, this Thursday, I'll either figure out how to do one of those random number drawing things on the Internet, or, I'll do it the old fashioned way and put your blog names on a little slip of paper and have PC draw a name:]  Keeping it simple... Good Luck!

Beta #2

Another good phone call today.  Beta #2 was 519.  I thought maybe it should have doubled on Friday and again today but the IVF nurse said the RE's were very happy with these results.  I have no reason not to trust their expertise thus far so I will (try) not to worry!  My RE only does two beta counts.  So, here I am again in another 2WW until the first ultrasound, aarrrggghhhh!  It's scheduled for Monday, April 25th.  I know enough from reading blogs and Internet searching that betas cannot determine singleton or twin pregnancies but (in the meantime) it's fun to wonder!  Anyone want to make a prediction? 

P.S.  Please check back tomorrow because I plan to show you something special I won on a blog giveaway and invite you to participate in one of my own!

Thanks once again for all of the encouragement here!  You all are THE BEST!  

Day after Beta #1

I appreciate each and every sweet comment from yesterday's news!  I plan on making the blog rounds this morning and I can't wait!  It was all I could do to type the short post because it was such an emotionally draining day.  Here's what went down, although you all already know the best part!

Sorry for all the details below but I want to document the special day here. 

On Wednesday afternoon, I sent the e-mail below to Nurse LLD and this was her response.  Love her!

Hi

Will call you ASAP after getting the results.  Lets think positive!

-----Original Message-----

Sent: Wednesday, April 06, 2011 3:17 PM

Subject: tomorrow

If I don't see you in the morning, I'm having blood drawn for our beta at 7:30 a.m.  Will you please give me a call as soon as you get the labs?  I'm just about on the brink of going crazy through this wait! :]  However it turns out, thanks so much for all of your help the past several weeks. 

We left around 5:45 a.m. and I had my blood drawn by 7:35.  The lady that draws my blood asked if I did an HPT and I told her I just couldn't do it.  She said she thought that was good to wait but I was only the second one she had tested all week who didn't POAS.  I started questioning my decision, but it was too late at that point.  The "call" was going to be my answer.

We stopped by Chic-fil-a, which has become our "tradition" on early RE days and then I ran in Target to get some more vitamin water (yum, by the way!).  We were home by 10:30 a.m., PC left for work (I've had a few days off this week for spring break, woo hoo), and I fell asleep in the recliner until he came back by the house around 12:00.  Still no call.  I ate lunch,  started googling everything related to 12dp3dt and the phone rang a little after 1:00.  My heart was about to come out of my chest to see "Nurse LLD" on the screen even though it's the call I had been waiting on all day.

Me:  Hello
Nurse LLD:  Hi... M?
Me:  How are you?
Nurse LLD:  Good, and you?
Me:  Just waiting on your call.
Nurse LLD:  Well, are you ready for some good news?
Me:  (Getting so excited) I would love some good news!
Nurse LLD:  Well, you are pregnant.
Me:  Yay, Yay, Yay... I can't believe it!  What was my beta?
Nurse LLD:  It was 249.
Me:  That's a good number, right?
Nurse LLD:  Yes, that's good.
(We work out the details for coming back on Saturday for Beta #2)
Me:  Thank you so much!
Nurse LLD:  Congratulations!

I'm one of those people who saves all of my emotions somewhere inside and puts on a strong face until it gets to the point where those emotions just can't be contained... when I hung up the phone, I started crying almost 6 years worth of built up emotions!

So, I called PC but it was really hard to get the words out with the monsoon of tears and it sounded something like this:
Me:  H-e-y, I--I    j--j--u--s--t    g-g-o-t    t--h--e    c--c--a--l--l. 
PC:  It was negative.  It didn't work. 
Me:  No, I'm sorry, I can't stop crying.  It was good news.  We're pregnant.
PC:  (Silence)  Really? 
Me:  Oh, hold on Nurse LLD is calling me back. (Poor PC)

I thought, omg, she gave me the wrong information!  That's how guarded I am... but she forgot to remind me to continue the estrogen patches and PIO.... whew.

I go back to PC and tell him everything is good and hurry home!  Then, you can guess what I did next!  I P'dOAS and was still nervous that it wouldn't confirm what I had just been told.  It was a CVS brand test that clicked into place with a little window that, within a few minutes, said "Pregnant."  First ever BFP on an HPT!  I think I'm going to have to go buy more today and POAS all weekend!  :]

I somehow whipped out the blog post, took a shower, got the tears under control enough to go get my estrogen patches refilled and came back home minutes before PC.  We hugged and I asked if he was excited and he said he was dizzy:]  Well, I was hungry!  We went out to eat and we got to have conversations that we've never had... it was is a strange feeling!  Things like "I think this is my child with all the sour & salty I've been wanting to eat but I think this is your child because I sure am gassy all of a sudden."  And, after he told me it was too much trouble to bring a mattress into the living room, I said "I think the rules are you are supposed to be nicer to me than you have ever been right now!"  (I didn't say they were sweet conversations!) 

You all are the only ones who know our special news.  We told a few IRL people that we got a good report and things are going well.  Unless one of them has come across this blog, they really do not know how good the report was.  Believe me, if we get another good number on Saturday and we get a good report at the first ultrasound, it won't be long until we're shouting it to the world.  (But not on FB or "in your face" kind of way... IF has given me much time to think about what I would and would not do.)  The fact that it took modern medicine + prayers to get us here will never be a secret.  I have too many sisters here and IRL who need to hear that miracles can happen.  I realize that I'm not holding a baby in my arms right now and that would be the ultimate miracle, but a BFP after 5 years and 9 months of TTC, it feels pretty darn close to a miracle to me.    

I always talk about the hurdles and I realize there are some more big ones to get through in the coming weeks, but I want to enjoy living in the moment right now.  Thanks for allowing me to share it.