Nieces

PC & I kept his, our, nieces, K1 & K2, for the weekend so that b/sil could go on a get-away trip. For the most part, they took my mind far away from the IF struggles as I was focused on what they needed. But then there were a few moments...when you're looking at a child that could resemble your own & it brings a moment of sadness. It sure felt like stepping into a different world when you're used to a family of 2. More... dishes, laundry, mess... but also more laughs and special memories as they're not far from the teen years & spending time with us won't be on their "priority" list. I enjoy making them pose for pictures and doing crafty stuff with them. They adore PC & joking with him. My hope is in the near future they have a cousin(s) to enjoy!

Moving Forward

The past 10 days have definitely stunk. But things are looking up. AF stopped without medical intervention and I'm on to ovulation test sticks for the next couple of weeks. Trying to eat healthier, continue with acc.upuncture and keep praying. I tried the BBT charting-- it was all over the place. If I had to take a look at my history & put the pieces together, I (think) anovulation for me is a result of hormonal imabalance. I think my estrogen levels rise & the progresterone never kicks in. I wish there was an easy fix! I don't know what the next few months hold for us in terms of IF treatment. It feels like we're at an indefinite standstill. I do have an appt. in two weeks with a new ob/gyn. Maybe she'll have some ideas about where to go next. Losing "C" was a shock. He made our lives so much richer & I will be thinking about ways to turn this tragedy into an opportunity. PC is my rock through everything!

Goodbye "C", You will be missed!

Last night, PC & I lost a very special part of our family- our dog "C." I've written about him in earlier posts. He had just turned 3 and though we would have wished for many more years, we were lucky to have the past 3 with him. He was full of personality and had a smile that won over friends and strangers. Our hearts are broken and it will take awhile to heal. Here are 10 silly, crazy "C" habits and why he was so special...
1. His "smile."
2. His love for swimming, water and fetching (especially golf balls).
3. He loved to "perform" sit, down, roll over, up, stay, come- he loved to show off!
4. He put his backside in your face to be petted... always made us laugh.
5. His love for riding in the Jeep... it will be hard not to see him back there.
6. His mischief habits... quickly running off with a sock, or glove, or one of my hair bands, knowing we were going to be right behind him.
7. His favorite game...rolling a small ball with you.
8. How he "knew" your emotions & was right beside you if were upset, scared, happy..."feeling the same."
9. His curvy/straight hair!
10. All of the above made a special place in our memories and hearts:] He will be missed!

Let me cry, scream, curse...!!!

Dr. H. put me on prog.esterone to stop a never-ending AF. It stopped for 3 days. It wasn't too bad for the rest of the time but-still- I was hoping for some sense of normalcy back during that time. Yesterday was my follow- up appt. and AF came back so strong that I could be facing surgery in the next couple of days if it doesn't slow down. Dr. H. had no answers for why only suggestion of taking MORE of the hormone that I'm pretty sure has a lot to do with where I'm at right now. Hence, the reason for the title of this post! I'm hitting an all-time female problems LOW point right now. I can't go through IVF in this condition... and there's no chance of TTC at all in this condition. The cramping and everything else is so severe that I'm at home today, unable to function enough to do my job. I do not have a plan except for I made an appt. with a new ob/gyn and an "emergency" acc.upuncture appt. Having a baby doesn't look within my reach anymore.

infertile ramblings

I've been blog-browsing a little this weekend (much more fun than starting a paper) and I've come across at least 3 other ladies who were on Depo-provera for an extended time and our profiles are very similar. We all have trouble starting a period and then it comes with a vengeance and we have trouble getting it to stop and ovulation... what's that? I took DP several years ago to manage heavy/painful periods, but in trying to solve those problems I think it created some of the mess I'm in now. Infertility sucks. Some days more than others. I have no clue what day of a cycle this is. I am taking progesterone daily to get rid of an AF who stayed much longer than welcome and have a follow up with Dr. H. (ob/gyn) to check out levels after taking these meds. It just shouldn't be this hard. I have 4 wonderful, strong friends around me going through IF (and many more in blog land) and I want their success as much as I want it for myself. I truly celebrate when I read a blog success story and hope for technology or intervention that makes IF blogs a thing of the past!