Frustrated!

I guess the only purpose this post will serve is to get my frustrations out about a situation, but I'm glad for the opportunity to do that here!

I feel like there is no place for a newborn and a nursing mother at our place of worship.  The pastor wants all children in the children's area to lessen distractions, to keep them safe, to engage them in age appropriate material... agree and understand.  The problem comes with the nursery.  It is a mix of about 12 kids and half are walkers and half are what our pastor calls "bed babies" or those who have not started walking yet.  I can't help it that our LO pees/poops at 11:30 and eats at 11:45... smack in the middle of worship... but I am on his schedule right now.  So, I go to the nursery and ask if I can use their changing table and nurse.  After that, I walk around in the hallway with our little guy. 
The people in the nursery are very loving and kind.  I know several of them and they have a heart for children.  However, when you are just in there nursing (in the floor because you don't want to take over the two rockers, with a walker baby lifting up the "hooter hider" to see what you are doing) you can't help but notice the walker babies taking a bottle from a "bed baby", sharing a paci, pulling off a baby's headband, or throwing a toy that whacks another one on the head.  And I don't want my baby in the floor to get whacked or to get his bottle pulled away or to get a cheerio or something else put in his mouth.  It sounds like there's a lack of supervision, but that's really not the case.  Those ladies are working hard, especially to make sure the bed babies have been fed and changed, but all of these things happen in an instant... they can catch them, but often it has already happened.  So, I made the suggestion to the appropriate people that I would be glad to teach the 5-6 walker babies if that was a possibility.  But there's no space anywhere else.  They asked if it would help to put a rocker in the big bathroom in the worship area, but the way that our church is arranged, that would not work.  I suggested a changing table in the kids bathroom area, but they don't want any strangers in the kids area.  At least if that was there I could start to make bottles and just change him without using the nursery.  Anyway, that's the dilemma, pastor wants them in the children's area and the nursery is not the place for a newborn.  Tired of hanging out in the hallway and the only other place would be our car.  Not sure what we will do. 

P.S.  This is a new one for me... blogging from the bathroom because our little guy went to sleep in his rock & play sleeper while I was drying my hair and he looks so peaceful that I don't want to move him.  I also ate a granola bar and drank some apple juice at my makeup table.  What else can I accomplish in here?  OH, I need to pump!  Maybe I should save these comments for TVT, lol. 

Reflection

Almost four years ago, I wrote this post...

I remember before we got married. We just knew and we spoke in future terms of "our kids" this and that. We introduced our friends and more than one has made the comment "I bet your kids are going to have big, blue eyes." So, just having one of those moments... when I wonder... what would our children look like? Would they have our blue eyes and blonde hair and fair skin? If someone asked me the hardest part of IF, I wouldn't say the shots or expense or procedures- it would have to be the "I Wonders..."

Last year around this time, I wrote this post...

Here lately I've been letting my mind and heart go to places that I've avoided for a long time. Like actually scanning the baby stuff in stores when I walk by, thinking of potential names, imagining ways to share the news of a BFP and saying hello again to those darn "I Wonders."

February 6, 2012

Dear Miss Mac,

You are sitting in a rocker in the nursery you dreamed about staring at the most beautiful baby boy, and he is yours.  He has the biggest, bluest eyes.  

He has stolen your heart in a way that never seemed possible.  Every day, you see God and thank God with this child in your arms. I don't know why you had to endure the path of infertility, countless disappointment and heartache for almost six years. But you fought.  The IVF cycle was hard...emotionally, physically, and financially...but you had five eggs and two that fertilized and one that stuck.    You were so lucky.  Don't ever forget to be grateful every single moment.  There are others who are still fighting the fight.  Don't forget that PC stood by your side every step of the way and took that journey with you.  He is one proud daddy and has big plans for all of the fun he is going to have with his son.  You have a new set of "I Wonders."   You wonder what plans God has for your little one's life.  You wonder if you and PC will raise him to be a man of faith and integrity.  You wonder if you're doing a good job and making the right decisions for him.  Love him.  Teach and guide him.  Let him learn from his mistakes.  And, even on the hardest days, remember that spot that was so empty in your heart because it now overflows with gratitude for your beautiful baby boy with those big blue eyes.

Love, 

someone you were never sure you would get to be... 

Mama. 

Breastfeeding Q&A (without the A!)

I think we've mastered the latch.  We're rid of the thrush.  We're pretty much on a schedule of every 2-3 hours unless we hit a growth spurt.  But inquiring minds want to know...

Where does my milk go at 11:30 a.m.?  Because it's usually absent for that feeding so we spend about an hour staring at the bb's with the two of us getting really frustrated. 

How much should I get when I pump?  Because I pump twice a day and get about 2-3 ounces (more or less) total.  That is not going to feed a baby all day long when I return to work.  Any supply, fresh or frozen, will be gone fast at this rate!

How much does an almost 8 week old eat?  He's a peeing, pooping, growing machine... all good signs right?   

How do I keep up with which side we should be on?  Because we have tried...

 The safety pin- but I tossed that after getting stuck a couple of times in my sleep deprived state of mind.

Old garage sale stickers- but they kept falling off.  (P.S.- PC made an offer but that business is closed until further notice!)

Writing on the breast pad, which I thought was pretty clever until it became really inconvenient when there wasn't a pen around!

The Bobby (aka Booby) Pin- most fashionable but most uncomfortable. 

Really, we just try one out and if it's not getting the job done, we go to the other side.  

No, I'm not doing this perfectly, but he's still getting a Happy Meal:]  

Newborn Stuff

Recently, I've commented on a couple of moms-to-be posts about things I would recommend for their registry.  I've decided to create a list here so that I can reference the link to respond to future posts for moms-to-be who ask for the advice.  If there is something any of you have that you can't live without, please leave it in the comments and we'll share from our experiences!

However, first I should say that every baby is different so what works for us and what our baby likes may not work for another sweet little personality-of-their-own bundle of joy:] 

If I had it to do over again, I would have included more of the practical items on the registry, like:
Diapers (all sizes, we prefer Huggies)
Wipes
Vaseline
Whatever you choose for rash treatment (we love some stuff called calazime that we get at a pharmacy- explosive poops and still have not had any diaper rash!!!  Knock on wood.)
Bath wash & lotions
Germ-x pumps for the changing table
Burp cloths or cheap packs of receiving blankets or cloth diapers (these can handle all kinds of baby  messes and if you get enough of them, you will not have a hard time throwing away one that gets covered in poo... or two... or three)
Storage containers- I didn't put anything like this on the registry but now I'm buying them to store diapers, newborn clothes we want to keep, etc.
Board books (actually, these are good to find and just wipe down from consignment sales or passed along from friends)
Baby clothes hangers
Changing table covers, pack-n-play sheets and crib sheets (seems like they are in the wash non-stop)
Baby detergent

I wouldn't put any kind of clothes, onesies, stuffed animals or blankets on the list... these seem to be the things that everyone wanted to buy.  We got four piggy banks!  

Big items we love:
AngelCare Monitor
Swing (one of the best yardsale purchases yet... although the kind that plug in seem pretty nice as we've had to change the batteries already)
Vibrating/bouncy chair
Fisher Price Rock & Play Sleeper
Pack-n-Play
Chicco Keyfit 30 travel system
Chicco caddy  (This has been money well spent!  It weighs 11 lbs and our car seat clicks into it.  I can handle it by myself and there is storage room underneath for shopping or it also works well in restaurants so we're not constantly worried about putting him on top of the -dirty- upside down high chair!)

The Caddy- also comes in handy for riding around the house when you're not sure what else to do!

 There are a lot of things he has to get a little bigger for and I can't comment on (like a jumperoo or bumbo seat or toys) but some things that have been useful:
Hamper
Clock (helpful when pumping if my phone is not nearby)
Lamp
Night Light!!!
Glider rocker and some type of pillow for support if breastfeeding!!!
Towels & wash cloths
Some kind of mirror... our little guy loves to look in a mirror while he's being changed!
Some kind of musical aquarium or crib attachment
Bathtub with the mesh part on top
Diaper Genie & refills (PC's favorite because it's crazy how the poopy diaper smell disappears once you push it through the top!)
A keepsake or safe deposit box for all of those little "treasures" from the first year

"Little things" that I've found we've needed two or more for home, car and/or diaper bag:
Thermometer (hate the digital, it always tells us he has a fever... we like the regular underarm thermometer)
Nose syringe (the one from the hospital was great and it busted...have yet to find another good one for our very stuffy nose boy)
Nail clippers
Shades for the car
Backseat mirrors for the car
Mat for diaper changing (although most diaper bags come with one)
More Germ-x
And, as one of my girlfriends calls it... a Hooter Hider :]


It's hard to say about pacifiers, bottles and such... our baby has a preference for the round soothie pacifiers so I've given the others away.  Any bottles so far have been small disposable bottles.  We do use the drying rack frequently for pump parts and the disposable bottles.  

Things that our little guy just doesn't like (yet?)
Tummy time mat
Boppy pillow (which a lot of moms say is a must)
Play mat

Breastfeeding items would be a whole other post that I'm unable to do because we're still figuring that out day by day! 

Crazy the amount of STUFF that comes with a baby.  I'm trying to picture the car on our first vacation!  Really, all they need is food, diapers & love right? 

 

TVT

• Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus Baby Brain!  Forget knowing the date, what day of the week is it?  Does it go in the fridge or in the pantry?  Is it too, two or to?  Me:  "What's that thing in there that washes the dishes?"  PC:  "Ummm.... the dishwasher?"  Me:  "Oh, yeah."  If I could remember other crazy things I would post them here, but I can't remember anything!
• Grateful for a wonderful MIL and FIL.  But... a little aggravated with FIL that blue slippers with puppy dogs on them to keep my child's feet warm look "girly." 
• How in the world does something so small produce toots and and poops so HUGE?  
• What do we call "it" with a little boy?  I say we call it his pee pee and PC says that's too dainty.  He suggests it's the peter.  But what if that's a little boy's name in his class one day?  Decisions, decisions. 
• The sixth bed has arrived at our home this week.  

Why did I not know about this life saver?  Some swaddling & the dustbuster & the paci and we are getting half of the night without baby in the middle of us and half the night with baby---- ahhhhh, best of both worlds!!!  Well, the sleep is a little better after the dustbuster battery runs low!

• Got my hair highlighted this morning.  That hair made it through month nine, labor, birth, NICU and the first six weeks with a newborn.  Believe me it was time!  Pumped three days to get out for those two hours.  Do you think I processed in a chair reading a good trashy magazine?  Nope, I went to hang out in a quiet bathroom lol.