You have all these visions and plans in your head about how things are going to work out when baby is home. Never say never! Hence, the sleeping situation!
Plan... he is going to sleep in the pack and play (bed #1) every night with the monitor on and all blankets off. Good plan, but he doesn't sleep that way.
So he ends up in your arms and you both sleep hours at a time, warm and snugly, on and off the boob buffet as baby so desires. After a few
days weeks everything in your head says this isn't a good habit and not to mention how unsafe it is according to the experts and research. Obviously, grandma doesn't like it either so she buys a little cosleeper basket (#2) that goes in the bed. But baby doesn't sleep and DH and I lose much more sleep trying to fit in the few inches of bed that's left.
So he ends up in your arms and you both sleep hours at a time, warm and snugly, on and off the boob buffet as baby so desires. Grandma researches and reads about a cosleeper that attaches to the bed (#3) and she wants to buy it. Agree to try. DH puts it together and it's no different than the pack and play except that one side rolls down... but it does not extend the bed like we thought. So DH takes it apart and puts it back in the box (with one or two obscenities along the way). The original bassinet (#4) in our room that we borrowed from SIL? A make-shift changing area. If this baby can't at least see you through mesh, there is no sleeping. The crib (#5)? That's a whole other transition to the other side of the house that I am not ready for. He does like to lay in it, but only wide awake.
So, the latest plan is to move the pack and play into our bedroom and try to get baby to make it to the first feeding before ending up beside me. Do I get credit for at least having a plan? Why do I feel so bad and guilty for a decision that brings hours of sleep and makes me and baby both happy? Because I also think about the "what if" dangers and the habit that's already looking hard to break and that PC and I need to snuggle too... we have got to start reconnecting (another post for another day). But I also am not in favor of a whole night of "crying it out" or losing so much sleep that I have nothing left to be able to give him the best care possible the next day.
Update: I started this post yesterday. Baby made it through about one hour in the pack and play. He was fussy and we kept putting the pacifier back in until the full cry came. PC says at least it's a start... tonight we'll try for an hour and a half... baby steps:] Any words of wisdom appreciated unless you are going to side with grandma. Just kidding. We are trying to transition but, again, I've learned sometimes you will do what you have to do... so sad to be moving him (okay, and me too) from our happy place!
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| Pack and play, great at Christmas for staring at the tree! |
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| In-bed cosleeper and bassinet on other side. Picture fools you- this is a 5 minute nap! |
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| PC putting the other cosleeper back in the box, as good as a sport about it as he could be! |
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| Crib, great for watching the aquarium! |
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| Mom, snoozing away! |
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This post is hilariously true! Let's see....Emily sleeps in her swing (probably a huge no no), she sleeps in her rock and play sleeper next to our bed (that thing is a life saver), she will lay in her crib and stare at the mobile but not sleep, and we also have the co-sleeper bassinet that she won't sleep in. So many beds, not much sleep! Good luck mama!
Our plan was #3 - the arm's reach co-sleeper that attaches to the bed. We have had ONE night that she slept in it all night (which means 3 or 4 times of going to sleep in it after feedings). It was amazing to cuddle with my husband, not going to lie.
That being said, 90% of the time, she sleeps cuddled up with me, on and off the boob buffet. :)
Honestly, it's better sleep for all of us, and that is most important to me right now. I'm not a rock hard sleeper - I hear every noise she makes - I'm not co-sleeping while drunk - I am 100% NOT worried about rolling over on my baby (just like I don't worry about rolling out of the bed at night!), and I know you aren't either or you wouldn't be doing it.
Sorry grandma, it's not your choice.
We've been working on doing a feeding around 8pm and then putting her in the co-sleeper (or in your case, the pack-n-play) while drowsy. Sometimes she'll sleep in there, sometimes not, but we're trying to get at least that first 3 hours stretch to be sleeping in the co-sleeper. If it doesn't work and she's crying, I pull her into bed with me, and that's okay.
You're not creating bad habits when they're this little. Think about it - they've been used to being "held" for 24 hours a day in your womb, so even if you're cuddling them for 12 hours a day now, that's a 50% reduction to them - not a spoiling!
Later, they can cry to manipulate and the game changes, but right now they cry b/c they're wet, hungry, cold, tired, lonely, whatever...it's how they communicate. Just roll with it, and try not to worry about what grandma says. :)
I highly recommend "The Happiest Baby on the Block" for sleeping and crying stuff too. It's NOT a CIO method, which I'm 100% not comfortable with. I think you'll like it.
I'm obviously no expert since I'm not a mother yet, but from my nanny-ing experience, if you swaddle the crap out of them, they should feel secure enough to sleep in their own area. My guess is that he feels safe in your arms (obviously!), but is unsure about all the freedom in the pack n play. Have you guys tried swaddling him up tight like a baby burrito? Good luck either way - you are doing a fabulous job with that cute little man!
I've been reading your blog for a while, but haven't commented before :) I have an almost-4 year old and a 17 month old and both co-slept with me! (well, the 17 month old still does for at least half the night, since she still nurses). I will first say that my son slept in bed with us all the time for at least a year, then partly in the crib until I weaned him at 19 months, and he immediately was an awesome sleeper in his own room. So I really feel that you don't automatically create bad habits by having baby in bed with you. If that was so, he should still want to be in our bed, but nope, he's in his own room all night, every night! Champion sleeper :)
I know that there are so many studies that say 'don't sleep with your baby!!' but I have read countless others that say the opposite! Having your baby in bed with you keeps them in a lighter sleep cycle, which can actually help prevent SIDS, so I've read. Baby responds to your movement, your breathing, by reminding them to breathe and not get in such a deep sleep cycle (which some have mentioned can link to SIDS). Also, your body will regulate their temperature- baby is too cold, you warm up, and vice versa. It all makes sense to me, since baby has been a part of you for 9 months :) Look how many countries and cultures over the world share the bed with their children. I think as long as there aren't tons of blankets and mom/dad aren't on meds or anything that could impair their judgement, its a VERY safe place for baby!
I will *always* treasure all the nights I cuddled my babies close. Sure, some nights I probably got worse sleep with them in bed (as they got older), but I know it's just s season and I remember MUCH more the special snuggles than the bad nights. I felt safer having my babies next to me and they felt safe and slept better with me too! They were not fans of the crib at first. I don't have anything against babies sleeping in their cribs, but if both mom and baby are happier together, then that is the best option :)
Have fun snuggling that very sweet baby boy of yours! <3
~Hannah
I think we lucked out in this area b/c our baby has always slept on her own. (That's not to say I wouldn't like a midnight cuddle here and there with her though). The trick for us we learned is swaddling. She slept in a bassinet right next to our bed for the first four months. We had a pack n play with the napper attachment so we put that napper in the bassinet (mainly b/c the pack n play was so big and bulky) and I think she felt comforted by that thing wrapping around her plus being swaddled. I do believe he's too young at this point to create bad habits, it honestly might be harder on you once it's time to make the transition. But you do what works best for you all, and a happy mom who had a good night's rest is the best kind of mom you can be! :)
We ended up co-sleeping as well! I felt terrible about it and the crooked eyes I got from everyone just made it feel all the more wrong. In the end, you need to do what you need to do to SLEEP. Babies don't form habits until they are 12wks.
As soon as we hit 12wks we started transitioning him to his crib. We we put him at the end of the crib (with his feet touching the bars). That seemed to help. Maybe it made the space seem smaller? BTW: whatever habits you need to break do it before they are MOBILE or you'll have one hell of time!
Do what you need to do - whatever works for your family. I would recommend reading up on a few different viewpoints on sleep and find a happy medium. This early, though, there is no such thing as spoiling a baby.
I always nursed our daughter to sleep and very gently put her in the bassinet or crib (or sometimes next to me in bed). We found that she would only sleep on her belly with her butt in the air, which all the "experts" say is the wrong thing to do, but our pediatrician reassured us that it's okay. It turned out that she was having reflux while laying on her back - so belly it was (along with a prescription for Prevacid).
Good luck!
We are co-sleeping as well.. something I never thought I would do and I love it, but I hate how everyone (Grandma!!) makes me feel guilty. Great post.
I co-sleep with my almost three month old because that's the only way it works for us. The Arms Reach co-sleeper is an expensive bed-rail. The author of The No-Cry Sleep Solution has a great (though pretty intense) safety checklist. I wish doctors, etc. (grandmas) weren't so uptight and unrealistic about it. The idea that every newborn is going to sleep alone on his/her back is just crazy.
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