I don't have a FB account. I'm just not that interesting. I had beans, mashed potatoes and fried okra for supper. Yum! See? Who needs or cares to know that? However... my best friend gave me her username/password and allows me to be her "stalker" anytime I feel the need to see what's happening on FB. Here's an edited version (names taken out) of a conversation I came across while stalking:
Fertile 1- Thank you! I'm due 9/10. Have you found out what you're having yet?
Fertile 2- That's my moms birthday lol! I'm having a boy... due July 3rd.
Fertile 1- Cool! I bet big sis is so excited! What are you naming him?
Fertile 2- She is so excited! ------- will be his name. Were y'all trying to get prego?
Fertile 1- Yeah. Of course I should've known it only takes once!
Fertile 2- Lol same for me too! We are fertile myrtles! One shot and here we are!
I didn't post this to shout "Bitter, infertile here!" Instead, it just makes me realize how some people can't even begin to understand what the IF journey is like. I don't wish it on them or any of us AT ALL. I just hope they know how lucky and fortunate they are. I just wonder if they took a moment to look at their child and think "what would I have done to get you here?" I'm pretty sure they would have gone to the ends of the earth. I wish they knew that 1 out of 8 of their friends were reading this conversation and they cried... or they cursed... or they felt so broken. Maybe, just maybe, if they knew the last part of the conversation would have looked something like this...
Fertile 1- Yeah. We are so fortunate that it happened for us so soon.
Fertile 2- It's amazing that it happened for both of us the first month we tried. Others try for so long and my heart goes out to them. We are very lucky!
I stumbled over the words to this post but people who are reading here will get what I'm trying to say... oh how we get it!
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10 hours ago
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i dont have a facebook account either- i dont know how/why infertile's torture themselves by signing up for that!
I truly do know that they don't do it on purpose, but boy does it hurt sometimes. I think knowing that they are so oblivious sometimes makes it hurt worse than if they had done it on purpose.
I know what you're trying to say. It just seems unfair sometimes. As much as I now know about pregnancy, I can't believe there is even such a thing as an 'oops baby'! I just hope these girls appreciate the miracle that was given to them.
I so hear that. My mother got pregnant *while on birth control* after one shot: honeymoon night baby. She had three more with absolutely no trouble. The most it ever took her was two months. My oldest sister took 10 months for her first, but the other four have come one first tries, and the latest through birth control. It's amazing... my Mom's a nurse and yet knew virtually nothing about ovulation, implantation, luteal phases, etc. until I started down the road of ttc. I grew up thinking sex = baby, because it was always that easy for my mom. What's shocking to me is how oblivious fertile myrtles are to the things we obsess about. I'm completely self-taught from growing up under one!
One of our close friends got pregnant on accident and I told them how impossible that seems to me. But of course they are great friends and they know how lucky they are- even if they weren't trying.
I too don't have FB. It started out of no desire and now has turned into saving my sanity. I hear of enough close friends getting pregs, I don't need to be reminded of everyone else too!
It is amazing the lack of knowledge people have for how hard it really is to get pregnant. infertiles know just how perfectly so many pieces have to add up to get pregnant, while others don't realize any of it.
In the end, I don't care that I had to go through this, as long as I get to hold our child.
I've had friends (who know of my struggles) say to me "I can't believe how fertile I am!!" I don't think they can begin to understand how the statement hurts me. It makes me feel like they're saying "I'm a real woman and you're not!" I know that's not what they mean, it's just how it comes across in my head.
This is why I have a love hate relationship with FB. I love it to keep up with friends but I hate it for the pregnancy announcements and the dumb conversations like this one. I too wish people would understand how lucky are to be able to conceive so easily. I wish there was some way they could put themselves in our shoes just for a few minutes.
Ugh, I can't help feeling like that exchange was awfully smug. It's weird to think that while I feel like I was lied to back in high school health class (it's hard to get pregnant, & really I need never have worried about birth control!), for some people it's totally true that it only takes once. I do wish fertiles were more aware of how very lucky they ate.
I hate those conversations. From facebook one would think that everyone gets pregnant the first month they tried.
I have vowed not to mention my pregnancy (when/if it ever happens) even once on facebook. If my close friends/family want to know details or see pics I will email them. I don't want those 1 in 8 women who are having trouble conceiving to have to look at all of that crap.
I am SO with you. I've not really had any trouble being around my friends who value and appreciate their children and recognize just how incredible their experience is. Others who take it all for granted, I have a really hard time biting my tongue and get that sick feeling.
I just wish that people could appreciate what they do have. (and I think that extends to so much more than children too. homes, retirements, jobs, etc...)
Absolutely. Well put :)
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