Happy NEW Year!

I can't believe 3 weeks have went by so fast! I hope everyone enjoyed Christmas! We enjoyed the time with family & friends but it just seemed like everything happened too soon this year. I promise that I will not post an Apple picture on every single blog, but this is just too darn cute...

PC and I have decided one puppy is not enough. We're looking for a companion/playmate for her and think we've found him, but it will be after the new year before we find out for sure. We're crazy, right? Did I mention that, if it works out, the combined weight from these 2 furry friends in a couple of years could be as much as 225 lbs.? That's a lot of love (& poop)!!!

In IF (no) news... I broke a promise to myself last week. I told myself I wouldn't take a preg. test anymore unless I knew without a doubt there was a good chance of a BFP. But... as usual... AF was nowhere to be seen and... as usual... negative. Not ovulating is just cruel... cycles are long so it plays with your mind. This month my paycheck had the automatic deduction for my "12 months to IVF savings plan"... ouch. OR- I'll try to think more positive and hope that it is the future nursery fund if/when we don't need IVF!

I want to be a better blogger this new year... because it helps relieve stress...cheap talk therapy! Since I last posted, I filled in for the boss at work for a week while she had surgery... fun to do that every once in awhile huh? But- whew. The next week was Christmas and all of that busy. Whew. This week I've been in another state in a hotel room (missing PC) getting about 6 hours of sleep a night taking a class to get closer to finishing my degree. Whew is not the word. AF showed up yesterday- witch! To show up on the Day 1 of the new year! Since I need to think more positive- I'll try to see AF as an opportunity.

So, what's the plan for 2009? Make It Count.

Busy, Busy, Busy

Things are very busy in Mac & PC world. Apple is learning how to use puppy pads and the chewing has started. I had these high hopes of teaching her boundaries & manners-- if this video works you'll see that I'm not doing a great job of that!



Don't let the sweet face fool you...those little bites hurt!!! I have a 30-page term paper due this weekend (new goals- be done with school and overcome IF by 35!!!) and what am I doing? Catching up on blogs... for a quick break of course. Work is busy & there's not much holiday cheer being spread at the moment! Cycle day 17 & not much to report with IF. Guess it's time to get back to my paper... but maybe I'll check in on a few more blog friends first... :]

A different kind of BFP....

Beautiful Furry Puppy... meet the new fur baby, Mac + PC= meet "Apple" :]











And for all my dog lover IF friends.... something cute that came across email today...

TEN PEEVES THAT DOGS HAVE ABOUT HUMANS

'1' Blaming your farts on me ... not funny ... not funny at all !!!
'2' Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG
'3' Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
'4' Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose. Stop it!
'5' Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
'6' The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo, what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
'7' Taking me to the vet for 'the big snip', then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!
'8' Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
'9' Dog sweaters. Hello ??? Haven't you noticed the fur?
'10' How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth. You're just jealous.

Icebreaker=Heartbreaker Game!

This morning I had to attend a meeting with other people in the county where I live who do the same work as me. The presenter started with an icebreaker game. Name 2 truths about yourself & 1 lie and the group has to decide which is the lie. Mrs. H read "I love to run" "I love to swim" "I am pregnant". And her (lie) was "I am pregnant." I know Mrs. H's background. She has 3 kids (boy & boy/girl twins) through IVF & we've talked about it. We have the same insurance so I asked if she had advice about financing IVF & she was very honest & said "my husband's family paid for it or I couldn't have done it." She's really nice & I think her anovulation is due to how much she exercises.... this girl is like super woman... no hard feelings about her 2 truths & a lie. The heartbreaker came next. The presenter said "you know I was having a hard time once and someone told me... no matter what kind of hard time you're having... it could be worse... you could be pregnant." Laughter followed. Wow. That comment hit hard. Rewind to my life 4 years ago... I may have joined in the laughter. I didn't laugh this morning. It was a reminder to me about the power of words & thinking before speaking... you never know what the person next to you is experiencing. It could be worse... you could try for over 3 years and not be pregnant!

I've been thinking... (IF Vent #3)

... about how pregnancy is achieved so easily for some. How is that?!? I've learned much more about the female reproductive system than I've ever cared to over the past 3 years. Obviously those who deal with IF get the fine print version. Like when you get something with an instructional manual & it doesn't work so you turn to the back where it says "If it didn't happen... then maybe..." or "Try this..." Most of the time I've taken something back by then! Maybe the next time I visit the RE I'll say... "I'd like a refund on these ovaries please!" I was great with thinking that sperm meets egg-- sounds easy enough! But then when it didn't happen cycle after cycle, I started the 4 r's of IF... reading/researching/relying on specialists/ranting on blogger. ---- Let me get this straight... my cycle is managed from my brain when the hypotha.lamus sends a message to the pitu.itary at just the right time and both must have just the right amount of FSH & LH (don't forget estrogen/progesterone) to release an egg at just the right moment which must travel to just the right place to meet with just the right swimmer--- and this happens all the time!?!  I'd just like the chance to not worry about my brain not sending the right signal to increase the right hormone needed to stimulate a mature follicle to release a viable egg... wouldn't this seem like a reasonable request? Is it a mystery to anyone else how this happens right on cue (planned and not planned) for so many???

Thankful for...

It seems appropriate to count my blessings on Thanksgiving Day. Those would include a wonderful husband, a loving family, caring friends, having a home, food, clothes- things I'm sure I take for granted, my health (except for the not ovulating!), a job & job security... and the list goes on.
AF showed on Sunday and I'm also thankful that it seems to be -dare I say it- normal. I went for acupuncture last week and told Dr. C about my 1 year to IVF plan. He said "that gives me time to get you in the best health possible for the procedure" but I wished he would have said "hopefully you won't need it by then." SO, I just finished watching a news clip about the the effect of stress on fertility. It talked about women who have high levels of stress have excess cortisol around the brain and could benefit from talk therapy (that doesn't sound cheap). The OB/GYN expert said that these women often have high expectations for themselves. Hmmm.... sounds familiar!
Too tired to blog much tonight... too much turkey! Think I might turn in early although I'm not planning on a big shopping day tomorrow- don't need to add to my stress level!

Happy Thanksgiving out there!

November Ramblings...

Last night, PC (very sweet of him) and I went to see the movie Twi.light in a theater FULL of teenagers. We got there 20 minutes early and still had to sit in the 2nd row. I'm always partial to the book versions because you're "there." I loved the book series (even if the intended audience is 10 years younger) and loved the first movie... the actors were a good fit. I think PC even got a little interested in the whole vampire saga! IF ladies deserve pure take-my-mind-away in a relaxing kind of way distractions, whatever that may be.

We're missing our dog, Cooper... doggie deprivation around here. We're stalking the couple that has some puppies that will be ready in a couple of weeks, and we're looking at others that are due the first of the year.

So... is it crazy that Thanksgiving is here? I'm a creature of habit & it's no different with the holidays. I make the same casseroles with the same recipe in the same dishes. When I try new things, it usually doesn't turn out so good... so I stick to what I know. Broccoli casserole, rice casserole & carrot souffle are on my "mastered" list. Carrot souffle tastes like a sweet potato and it makes 4 square pans- 2 for now, 2 to freeze for Christmas. The trick with it is to make sure the carrots are boiled long enough and it's all mashed good. (Learned that the hard way.) If anyone's interested:

Carrot Souffle-

• 1 3/4 lbs peeled carrots

• 3/4 lb sugar
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla
• 2 tablespoons flour
• 3 eggs
• 1/4 lb margarine, softened
• powdered sugar

Directions

1. Steam or boil carrots til extra soft& drain well.

2. While carrots are warm, add sugar, baking powder and vanilla.

3. Whip with mixer til smooth.

4. Add flour and mix well.

5. Whip eggs separately and add to mixture, blending well.

6. Add margarine and blend well.

7. Pour mixture into baking dish-ABOUT HALF FULL--as the souffle will rise.

8. Bake@ 350 about 1 hour or until top is light brown.

9. Sprinkle lightly with powdered sugar before serving.

It's COLD here. I can handle the cold okay until around the middle of January and then my attitude is "blah...grrr...tired of winter, skip spring & bring on summer."

My mom called this morning & said she's having genetic testing done soon. She's also having her ovaries removed because of high estrogen (next year) and she had a melt down on the phone... which makes me sad, but for what she's been through I'd have a good cry now and then too. My mom and I have had a up/down relationship... she had me at a very young age, divorced soon after that, & I've always felt like the grown-up. But these three things are givens about my mom:
1. She's strong & stubborn- so breast cancer didn't have a chance. 2. She loves life- her energy & ability to be the life of the party is something I wish I had more of. 3. She would be a GREAT grandmother.

Enough of things on my mind... feeling a nap coming on & some of my blog world friends have inspired me to pull out some Christmas decor.

No Baby Blues

Why does it seem that I sail through some weeks without letting infertility consume my thoughts and then some weeks it constantly hits me right in the face? I'll call it a "no baby- blues" week. I smiled through a baby shower. Everywhere I turned someone was very pregnant or talking about a pregnancy. Everything on television... books...radio... you know what I mean. However, PC & I finally decided on a timeline & a plan, which gives me a new sense of hope & determination. For one year, we're putting back enough $$ to cover almost all of an IVF procedure. In one sense, that seems like such a long time away and then, in another, the past 3 years have flown by so what will one more hurt? PC irritated me a little when he said "so you'll do all the doctor says to do months before IVF?" Um, easier said than done. In this journey, I have tried a lot of things... different foods, herbs, ov tests... etc. and, no, I don't always stick with every thing just like PC still enjoys biking & hot tubs... two things on the "no" list when TTC. I've come to this realization- eat as healthy as possible, keep doing acupuncture (it makes me feel better), recognize & reduce stress as much as possible, take a daily vitamin, laugh, blog... those things I can do consistently. And those things, with faith & prayer, will do more for preparing my mind & body than anything from a book or doctor! In the mean time, TTC natural won't hurt anything:]

A long week!

It was one of those weeks. The kind where it was raining one day before work & I lost my balance on a curb- shoe came off- resulting in wet sock- type of week. I'm ready for the upcoming holidays and a change of pace, even if it's still a busy pace. I have no idea when AF will show up next (day 35) in this long cycle. I have ac.upuncture this week. Otherwise, I just continue to avoid this or that, try to make sense of these cycle patterns and think about possible timelines for IVF in the next year.
One thing that has been totally distracting in a relaxing kind of way has been reading the St.ephanie Me.yer's series. Someone recommended them and described it as a story about a girl falling in love with a (good) vampire. I thought- nope, not my kind of reading material. But I thought reading the first one couldn't hurt... and since... I've read all four & didn't want them to end. I've already made PC save the date for the upcoming movie. I tried to convince him to read one of the books, but he says the movie will be good enough:|
We also have the possibility of a new puppy to look forward to in the coming weeks... there's one litter that's 3 weeks old & we're supposed to look at them soon. That would also be a total distraction!

Husband Vent #1

I love PC. I really do. Have I mentioned that PC also stands for Prince Charming? But can I please be entitled to pick one-- just one-- teeny little marriage thing that has been hard to adjust to? There really is a male obsession with the remote control! I found this out quickly after saying "I Do." It's not like I want to watch a soap opera or Hall.mark movie every night... just want to find a compromise so that what little down time we do have is not filled with the truth about ufo's, hauntings, Big.foot... I'm not interested. And... Who is the person making the decision to play L.ethal W.eapon every night of the week? History channel- it's okay in small doses. I will say that I have come to like the D.irty J.obs guy &--I'm really mad about how this one has grown on me-- I S.houldn't Be A.live- who can't stay glued to these shows to find out how they really survive!? SO last week, the volume button stopped working. This led to an urgent trip to buy an all-in-one. PC wanted a $70 remote control. That will buy like 1 vial of Foll.istim. I had to object. Uh-oh, so PC started reading over my shoulder and placed the "Great All in One" in my lap in a not-so-gentle way and mumbled/muttered something about going outside. And that is why I am about to find out who is still in the D.ancing with the S.tars competition:]

Blog Makeover

I've been trying to figure out how to change my blog template this week. I like the new look, but it's changed some things that I can't figure out how to fix... yet. Blogging has been, in some ways, a kind of therapy. I think having a blog to vent, connect with others, and just be "me" has helped (PC agrees) my frustration level. BTW, this is #50! I've learned a lot from reading about other couple's experiences and treatments. Oh, this morning there was a very faint line on the ovulation test. It doesn't mean anything significant (or low levels of hormone?) since the line has to be equal or darker in color to the test line, but it is nice to see something. Of course I'd really love to see two pink lines:]

Cycle Update

Day 18 & so far all ovulation tests have yelled "NO!" :[ Still have ac.upuncture treatments every 6 weeks. They seem to be helping my overall health but I would really like to have consistent "normal" cycles. The last appointment Dr. C. suggested that I avoid chicken for awhile to see if that may have any effect on my estrogen levels. Don't know that I really think it could have that much of an impact... but I'm willing to try! November marks 3 years and 3 months of TTC. Long enough!

Nieces

PC & I kept his, our, nieces, K1 & K2, for the weekend so that b/sil could go on a get-away trip. For the most part, they took my mind far away from the IF struggles as I was focused on what they needed. But then there were a few moments...when you're looking at a child that could resemble your own & it brings a moment of sadness. It sure felt like stepping into a different world when you're used to a family of 2. More... dishes, laundry, mess... but also more laughs and special memories as they're not far from the teen years & spending time with us won't be on their "priority" list. I enjoy making them pose for pictures and doing crafty stuff with them. They adore PC & joking with him. My hope is in the near future they have a cousin(s) to enjoy!

Moving Forward

The past 10 days have definitely stunk. But things are looking up. AF stopped without medical intervention and I'm on to ovulation test sticks for the next couple of weeks. Trying to eat healthier, continue with acc.upuncture and keep praying. I tried the BBT charting-- it was all over the place. If I had to take a look at my history & put the pieces together, I (think) anovulation for me is a result of hormonal imabalance. I think my estrogen levels rise & the progresterone never kicks in. I wish there was an easy fix! I don't know what the next few months hold for us in terms of IF treatment. It feels like we're at an indefinite standstill. I do have an appt. in two weeks with a new ob/gyn. Maybe she'll have some ideas about where to go next. Losing "C" was a shock. He made our lives so much richer & I will be thinking about ways to turn this tragedy into an opportunity. PC is my rock through everything!

Goodbye "C", You will be missed!

Last night, PC & I lost a very special part of our family- our dog "C." I've written about him in earlier posts. He had just turned 3 and though we would have wished for many more years, we were lucky to have the past 3 with him. He was full of personality and had a smile that won over friends and strangers. Our hearts are broken and it will take awhile to heal. Here are 10 silly, crazy "C" habits and why he was so special...
1. His "smile."
2. His love for swimming, water and fetching (especially golf balls).
3. He loved to "perform" sit, down, roll over, up, stay, come- he loved to show off!
4. He put his backside in your face to be petted... always made us laugh.
5. His love for riding in the Jeep... it will be hard not to see him back there.
6. His mischief habits... quickly running off with a sock, or glove, or one of my hair bands, knowing we were going to be right behind him.
7. His favorite game...rolling a small ball with you.
8. How he "knew" your emotions & was right beside you if were upset, scared, happy..."feeling the same."
9. His curvy/straight hair!
10. All of the above made a special place in our memories and hearts:] He will be missed!

Let me cry, scream, curse...!!!

Dr. H. put me on prog.esterone to stop a never-ending AF. It stopped for 3 days. It wasn't too bad for the rest of the time but-still- I was hoping for some sense of normalcy back during that time. Yesterday was my follow- up appt. and AF came back so strong that I could be facing surgery in the next couple of days if it doesn't slow down. Dr. H. had no answers for why only suggestion of taking MORE of the hormone that I'm pretty sure has a lot to do with where I'm at right now. Hence, the reason for the title of this post! I'm hitting an all-time female problems LOW point right now. I can't go through IVF in this condition... and there's no chance of TTC at all in this condition. The cramping and everything else is so severe that I'm at home today, unable to function enough to do my job. I do not have a plan except for I made an appt. with a new ob/gyn and an "emergency" acc.upuncture appt. Having a baby doesn't look within my reach anymore.

infertile ramblings

I've been blog-browsing a little this weekend (much more fun than starting a paper) and I've come across at least 3 other ladies who were on Depo-provera for an extended time and our profiles are very similar. We all have trouble starting a period and then it comes with a vengeance and we have trouble getting it to stop and ovulation... what's that? I took DP several years ago to manage heavy/painful periods, but in trying to solve those problems I think it created some of the mess I'm in now. Infertility sucks. Some days more than others. I have no clue what day of a cycle this is. I am taking progesterone daily to get rid of an AF who stayed much longer than welcome and have a follow up with Dr. H. (ob/gyn) to check out levels after taking these meds. It just shouldn't be this hard. I have 4 wonderful, strong friends around me going through IF (and many more in blog land) and I want their success as much as I want it for myself. I truly celebrate when I read a blog success story and hope for technology or intervention that makes IF blogs a thing of the past!

B-Day

Another birthday today... 32, just enough to officially leave the 20's:[ Even though 3 years ago I thought my life would look different by now, namely that we would have a child, I'm thankful that..
I have wonderful family & friends, I've met some goals, I have all my basic needs met every day and the list goes on. Here's to 32 & claiming it as a year to enjoy each day to the fullest & making it count!
P.S. It's also going to be a year to learn how to play a guitar... thank you PC!!!

Happy Camper?

I have been totally out of the blog world loop lately. I've been taking an online course and that has been consuming a lot of my time. I do have an update on AF- finally gone, but it took a trip to the OB/GYN and medicine to stop it. The plan is to go back in 3 weeks after Dr. H. has had time to consult with an oncologist and a reproductive specialist that he knows before figuring out what to do next and why my cycles are never-ending. He said that I am definitely a challenge (ya think?). Last weekend I had a violent hit-hard-&-strong stomach flu... 24 hours of complete yuck! I am hoping that the change of season brings me good health and better luck with female cycles:] PC & I have been looking for the past two years for a tiny camper to take when his family invites us camping. We've been staying with MIL and... no offense... but we were just ready for our own space, just enough for two... actually, there's plenty of room for three:] So, we finally came across this one recently and we'll be taking it off to the mountains in a few weeks. I think it's cute and just right! There's nothing like a campfire and sleeping to the sound of a creek! Even the bath houses are not so bad for a cheap vacation! Hope all my fellow bloggers are doing well and hope to catch up with several of you soon!

Ramblings

AF is still long & strong here so- in other news... I've asked PC for a practice guitar for my upcoming b-day. I'm not very musically inclined. Nevertheless, I do know a few notes on the piano and enjoy music & the guitar seems like an interesting new "project" to distract me from work/school/IF. That and a new label maker & I'm set (love you, PC!). PC and I got a quote recently from a builder on a modest 3/2 brick home. Um....can you say "sticker shock?" It makes IVF look cheap! To end my ramblings, a list of 5 favorites:
1. Fridays
2. Fox News
3. Sweet tea
4. Jeeps
5. Flip flops

Soy problems...

The OTC soy iso didn't work out so well. I stopped taking them on day 3. For anyone who may be curious why... first of all, I had a major breakout on and around my chin. This led to buying a new lotion which led to an allergic reaction which resulted in a doctor's appointment today to get a ste.roid to reduce the itching/swelling! Nope, I'm not looking my best right now. If that was not bad enough, AF or whatever this is (keep in mind AF was only gone for 2 days) came back with a vengeance. I started doing a little more research and think that all of this can be related to a handful of soy iso! I have officially started thinking in terms of a timeline and plan to finance IVF the past couple of days. My body just doesn't want to cooperate with the TTC naturally plan! Let me think... really need to add something positive here... PC & I declared last Fri. night a "put on pj's/bring home supper/watch a movie" totally relaxing evening & it was a great way to end the week!

A little Soy?

Recently I came across an infertility blog of another 'anovulation' diagnosis. She talked about using S.oy I.soflavones in lieu of Cl.omid. It was linked to an article on twoweekwait.com and I didn't see what it could hurt. So, I'm taking it on days 5-9 this cycle. Wouldn't it be something if a $6 supplement from W.al Mart could do what $5000+ of meds and treatments have not done?

In the IF world...

Nothing. Nada. Just playing the waiting game here. Waiting on every cycle to try & self-analyze if there's any chance of ovulation. When we first started TTC... I was eagerly anticipating the possibilities with each cycle & invested in too-many-to-count preg. tests. I've lost that. I need to get back to positive thinking & that same anticipation as 36 months ago. In my job, I deal with children (never thought that would be ironic) every day. I deal with some children who are angry & who have (usually) acted out or not handled their anger appropriately. One child didn't like my advice about how he was in control of his actions... so he drew a picture of me on a sticky note & stuck it on me. "This is you right now" were his exact words. I politely told him that was a very detailed picture & he should focus some of his anger on art and gave him some colored paper & crayons:] (FYI- he drew a "fish party"). So, I will now tribute this self-portrait to my feelings about the IF world!!! Thanks to a 5 year old.

Nature & Nurture

Nature- PC and I enjoyed some time outdoors this weekend. There is a hint of fall in the air and we took advantage of it. We walked/climbed (I trudged) up 1000+ steps to see the view below, standing on a scary bridge. It was worth it to enjoy something so beautiful. Along the way I realized that one thing I love about PC is his attention to details when it comes to anything nature... "look at how that rock wall is formed" "look this way & you can see --- mountains" "this is where the old railroad used to be" "parts of --- movie was filmed here." I'm so out of shape that I'm thinking about "how much longer is it until we're back" but really it's an especially charming quality:]

Nurture- What is UP? AF finally went away, after 18 long days on Wednesday. Friday afternoon- shows up again!!! On & off now all weekend. I have an acupuncture appt. this week... & I'm going to tell him I'm in desperate need of ying/yang... chi... or whatever can bring some balance to this body! While we're not going to an RE, I would like to have the chance to try naturally... but the whole ovulation/egg release is not working out! I can't eat at a Chi.nese restaurant without seeing "Egg D.rop S.oup" and thinking... if only it were that easy!

More Ramblings

Stray puppy has found a home... we'll send him on his way tomorrow...bittersweet.
Lately I've been wondering about how a job change could have an effect on my hormones/cycles. Right now, I'm in a position that allows me to be a servant leader (which I love) but it comes with a really high stress level & little time for family/friends/blogging etc.... When I was in a different position, I didn't feel as challenged or as able to help as many people, but it was not near the stress level or time commitment. That's one thing on my mind. AF... when is it ever going to end? I could call the dr. and get some meds to help, but I've found that IF meds solve some problems and create others! Well, time here to call it a night! Oh, one funny from today. A friend of mine visited and said that someone at her work was selling apparel/misc. items with the work logo and made a brochure to advertise everything. Well, it had already been printed and given out when someone noticed that one description of a shirt read... "orange sh*t with blue logo" So much for spellcheck when it comes to shirt & sh*t. :]

Yuck & Luck

What a week! YUCK- that I'm still dealing with AF on day 15! - that it was a long, challenging work week. -that I've gained weight & nothing fits. -that we've now been TTC for 3 years. LUCK- that at least AF starts without meds. -that I have a job. -that I have taken in a stray puppy off the streets until we can find it a home. -that it's Friday! How could someone abandon this face?

Update on summer to-do list

A few weeks ago, I posted my list of goals this summer. Here's an update.
Summer Home Vacation To-Do's
1. Have one yardsale/clean out- Most of the things that didn't sell went to charity so it was good to clean out and give away. But- where I live there's usually yard-sale "regulars" and they were not out that day!
2. Take care of mini- garden This is a first... my mini-garden did TOO good! I planted them a little close and everything grew together! But I had peppers, tomatoes and cucumbers all summer:] I'll try to post a pic.
3. Teach C a new trick I really did try. I made him sit/stay, then walked over a few feet & held up a broomstick for him to jump over... (which he does over logs and tree stumps) but he preferred to run around the broom & wait on his treat. Work in progress...
4. Go to a drive-in movie w/ PC Can check this off the list too... went for a double feature & we didn't like the first one so PC had a good nap, but the second was really good. We're wondering how C would do at the drive in... other people bring their dogs... but they're usually behaving! That might be the next adventure!
5. Go for several country Jeep drives Uh, well- these ended up being more like 4-5 miles around the house drives to save some gas, but nevertheless we had fun!
6. Keep organizing stuff Does one closet count?
7. Make a cookbook from recipes from PC's granny (passed away last year) Made a little progress, but set another goal to have it done by Thanksgiving... yes, I'm going to stick to that deadline!
8. Sleep late Had no problems with this one... except for getting back to normal.
9. Finish 2 grad. classes One week left to finish class #2- whoo-hoo!!! It might be time to start writing the final paper!?
10. Earn x-tra $$$ Sigh. Not really... but I did spend time thinking about how I could spend it!

Right now my goal is just to get rid of AF... STILL here. Oh, the joys of anovulation. My birthday is coming up next month... I would love to have just one normal cycle... too much to ask for???

Ramblings

I have been consumed with work related stuff for the past two weeks. AF showed up last Friday & is still lingering- yuck! I wanted to post about petite size clothes... I'm going to get a pic with my cell the next time I shop in a petite section-- ugh! Why do "they" assume that someone who's shorter must wear pastel polka dots or stripes with matching elastic waist pants?! I was really frustrated this weekend looking for something dressy but still trendy. It didn't happen! For some good news-- PC is filling in for someone at his work for a couple of weeks & will get bonus pay for doing it-- that's a nice surprise. Guess we'll be adding any extra income to the IF fund over the next several months!

To PC

Happy Birthday!!! Thanks for being by my side. I love you. Mac

Quick Getaway

Last weekend, PC and I went on a last minute weekend trip about 5 hours from home. We made our plans as we went along. I like those trips... no expectations just make it up as you go! The funniest thing that happened was on the way there... PC kept waiting on the "perfect" place for a bathroom & finally he just took an exit. We passed a Ri.te Aid and I told him there had to be a bathroom in there & he disagreed but was getting desperate! So we went in, made a lap around the store & I've never seen him look so aggravated & walking so fast & I'm still trying to convince myself that every Ri.te Aid has a bathroom- well, they don't. You had to be there, but I couldn't stop laughing... pure funny moment at PC's expense. Then... the payback... so on the way home I have to go & I'm hungry. We stop in a rough-looking part of the country (but we borrowed a GP.S and that was so cool) in a Mc.Donalds. I was fixing a drink & felt something tickly on my leg... the biggest roach I've ever seen ON my leg & I yell and kick it off with my other foot & everyone's seeing this & getting grossed out, including me. Except PC- he gets the laugh. While we were actually at our destination, it was pretty much event-less & relaxing... just what we needed. BTW, went for acupuncture yesterday. I want to continue that while we're not going to the RE right now. I asked Dr. C for an estimate of how long he thought it might take to regulate my cycles and his response was- [for most, anywhere from 6 months to 2 years.] I am seeing progress with acupuncture. Even though I skipped 2 cycles, the past 2 that I've had have been 5-7 days... maybe long for some, but it's improvement to me. OK- I've put it off long enough, supper dishes aren't washing themselves:[ But blogging is much more fun!

"Ouch" Results

News was good that the biopsy ordered by the RE came back clear of atypical/abnormal pre-cancer cells. Whew. However, it did confirm something that has been noticed in many of my IF tests in the past... mild hyperplasia. It adds to my body's out of whack hormones, but it's not a reason that I can't get pregnant. I found another blog today with someone who has a very similar background to mine & we both took the de.po prov.era shot in the past. She's about to go through her first IVF cycle. I've always had suspicions that this shot has a lot more to do with my lack of ovulating than any doctor will admit. In fact, one nutritionist said to me that he wished he could throw out that shot & that I had come to him years ago with my cycle issues. I wanted to say- You and me both!!!
Something exciting for me to think about... PC & I are going to take a baby-step (not IF related!) and meet with a builder tomorrow to get some ideas & input on building a house. We've been enjoying this rental house & not thinking about it, but we're also not getting any younger- why does everything remind us of this- and need to think about our future home:]

Little Boys

I recently baby-sat for one of my best friends and met another friend and her son for the two of them to play. They were the cutest 3 year-old boys ever and I went crazy taking their pictures. "Jr" (the cutie I was in charge of) ran up to me & accidently called me "mama." He knew, but just went on with his conversation & I didn't correct him-- I stole a little "moment" for myself. And I'm such good friends with his mom that she wouldn't care. I always told PC that if we only have one chance I "hope it's a girl:]". But of course I'm just kidding and really just hope we get the one chance! I must say, these two boys provided lots of smiles & fun!

TTC Naturally

In this time between treatments, of course there is always the hope for one normal cycle & the chance to conceive without IF treatments. I've had 2 friends lately, one deals with IF due to severe endo, to email about something they have heard. I'm always open to trying things... what can it hurt? So, the first piece of advice was to purchase pH sticks from any pharmacy and use them (POAS) to test your body for acidity/alkalinity &, depending on results, change your diet to reach a state of alkaline. The second was to have a test for celiac disease for an intolerance to wheat, again depends on results, that requires a gluten free/casein free diet. I'm still finding out more about this. So, here are my goals for this time of TTC naturally...
1- get more exercise
2- try to eat healthier & check into above tests
3- continue acupuncture
4- take vitamins
5- ovulation monitoring
and...put some fun back into it!

Funny Dog

C got another summer cut yesterday. I didn't get home until late & had a Dr. appt. this morning so I went to check out his new do this afternoon. I snapped the funniest picture. I must have caught him in action mode & with his ears back he's kind've looking like a rabbit with a rubber duckie! The other dog is our neighbor's dog who comes to our house every morning & only leaves to eat & sleep at their house. I have no clue exactly what mix she is- australian shepherd maybe- anyway, as much as C irritates her, I think he provides some daily entertainment. She is old & moody & very dramatic but can be really sweet. He's young & full of energy & a bit goofy. They are an odd pair, that's for sure!

Ouch!

Had a day 5 endometrial biopsy today as part of the final tests before getting the greenlight for IVF. OMG. On the infertility pain-o-meter, this would be 2nd only behind the tubes test. When I first started IF treatments, I dreaded the needles... now I'm like... "wish it was just a shot!" The results from this will come in next week. I wrestle with why I'm going through all of this when I could be pursuing adoption... & don't have a great answer except for it always comes back to those darn "I wonder/what ifs!"

IVF= Internal Vanishing Funds!

Everything is so expensive right now. I need to make extra money through this year to help towards the Mac & PC IVF fund! Our insurance won't pay for any of it:[ My problem is not wanting to change our lifestyle or not wanting to get another job. Yeah, those are big problems when you need additional income. Posting a few things on eB.ay here and there doesn't solve it. We are doing some little things. Like- we're trying to stick to a supper & food budget and downsize where we can. I have this conversation with PC sometimes and he wants to know how I think I can make a lot of money without a lot of effort... I answer "the lott.ery!" But we don't do that either & what are the odds? I really get ticked off when I think about the whole insurance thing. I mean, are they comparing IF procedures to a nose job or tummy tuck!? Do they really understand that putting my feet in stirrups is not a hobby that comes with a saddle? I sent in all of my receipts for IUIs & tried anyway... even wrote a letter! I was still denied but not for lack of trying. Stay tuned to see if I can figure out a creative (but legal) way to finance an IVF cycle:]

AF & July 4th... irony!

I have been trying to slow down this summer & soak in the sunshine... putting infertility on the backburner & finding distractions for awhile, even though that's not really possible. I usually have signs that AF is coming... but this one just kind've "boom!" happened today... ironic that it's a day to celebrate freedom but AF (in a sense) takes that away in the world of IF.
So, what happens to me? Why was my last cycle April 13-17 and now July 4 to ??? Obviously, I'm still not ovulating, but is there a chance with each cycle or is my body just not capable of it? Sigh. Too many questions & no one has the answers. I'll call Dr. H on Monday to schedule the day 5 endometrial biopsy and then (I think) there's not many tests left. My RE wants this one done before she'll start an IVF cycle. Even though we're putting that on hold, I'd like to check this test off of "the list."
On a bright note, PC & C and I had a good time taking the Jeep & watching some fireworks near home and spent some time with family on the lake earlier today. Happy 4th!!!

Home Sweet Home

I've just returned from a week-long 'theories of leadership' class in Virginia. It was a beautiful area and I learned a lot but I missed PC and the dog and the comforts of home. Blogging has become a form of stress relief for me, but I have not found the time here lately & hope to do better. In the IF world, there is little to say. AF has not been around since April 14th... no, I was hopeful too, but a blood test before I left for VA confirmed a level 2 hCG:[ So, who knows what's going on? I've had two acupuncture treatments in the mean time. Tomorrow, I'm going to call the OB/Gyn for a prescription to induce a cycle and go from there. In other news, my mini-garden grew while I was gone & I cut fresh peppers to go on a pizza today! And my "home vacation" starts tomorrow. Well, almost. I'm keeping my nieces tomorrow and so it will be a busy-but-fun day. While I was gone, PC took up an unusual hobby that he couldn't wait for me to "try out" last night. Before that sparks any interest, let me clarify... it involved a flashlight and a pellet gun. Our neighbors, who are also close relatives, have a pond beside our house full of bellowing bullfrogs that keep PC up at night. I sleep through anything so they don't bother me. But PC is on a mission to go down by the pond at dark, shine a light on unsuspecting amphibians & aim!!! And there's one- the ONE- that is making the loudest noise of all... and he's clever, always out of sight but making sure you know he's still around. And this is why women should not travel & leave their husbands behind for more than a day or two:]

I Love Summer!

Even though it's not officially here, we've had temps in the 90's recently & it is a good "taste" of the coming weeks! I love summer time. The smells, flip flops, plants, sweet tea on the porch, garage sales... ahhhhh, things that make me happy! PC & I just came in a few minutes ago. We've been spending a lot of time with C outside on the back deck late at night. (C does not share my joy of summer- he is one miserable puppy!) We don't have plans for a summer vacation, but I'm going to make a list and make my own "home vacation!" BTW, we've both decided not to go through IVF in July. Just doesn't feel like the right time- we both feel good about the decision & I'm just hoping & praying my reproductive system will agree & hold out at least another year!

Summer Home Vacation To-Do's
1. Have one yardsale/clean out
2. Take care of mini- garden
3. Teach C a new trick
4. Go to a drive-in movie w/ PC
5. Go for several country Jeep drives
6. Keep organizing stuff
7. Make a cookbook from recipes from PC's granny (passed away last year)
8. Sleep late
9. Finish 2 grad. classes
10. Earn x-tra $$$

The Perfect Planner

Every year, I live by my planner. I would be so lost without it. I'm always searching for the perfect planner and on a organizational mission and a couple of weeks ago I came across the At A Glance Lifelinks planner. I know this verges on OCD, but for all of you out there with type A personalities... check out this planner! It just came through the mail today and I am so excited (yeah, that's sad!). If I have to go through IVF this summer, at least I'm going to know where I'm supposed to be and when I'm supposed to be there:] Hopefully.

Sun & Sand & Good Friends

Today I returned from a weekend beach get-away with four good girlfriends. Not much time to blog this month because of work demands, planning a b-day party for my mom and just being busy in general. I hope to do better! I needed this weekend. Being with close friends and putting everyday routines "on hold" is good medicine! Even though I had a few seconds of self-pity/sadness when the discussion turned to all about their kids, it was short-lived. They all know my struggles & I just turned it into humor if they asked or it was part of the conversation. Within our group, we all have struggles... some more than others with marriage, finances, health and the friend I've known the longest, "Ed" faces challenges that none of us can understand as she helps her son overcome Autism and reach goals that others take for granted. Our relationships recognize the struggles but we mostly live in the moment of talking about things that totally give us a mental break. The sun and sand and time with friends was therapy. BTW, I did miss PC:]

Next Steps

Dr. S went over my last test results today. I do not have PCOS, but I seem to always have a thick endometrial lining no matter what day of my cycle it is. Dr. S wants to find out if there's anything to that (she mentioned cancer- no stress there!) and, if not, it looks like IVF is around the corner for us! Another ultrasound today confirmed that the cyst ruptured and a follicle size 2.9 is on the right side and the technician said I had 2 eggs. Dr. S was concerned that was a low count. I also had blood drawn (of course) to check hormone levels. OK- so I thought I had read and researched just about everything in the whole baby making process and I'm still confused. Why is there a follicle there at this point in the cycle (day 28)? Is that the same as a corpus luteum (sp?)? How does she "see" eggs? So, I commented "does everything from the u/s confirm that I'm definitely not pregnant?" To which she answered "no." Complicated is an understatement. So, that's where I'm at/where I'm headed in the next few weeks & now I'm ready to post about things that are not so complicated!

Recent thoughts...

Back to blogging. My work is busier than usual through the month of May and it's pulled me away from the computer. As far as where I'm at with IF, I have a "next steps" appointment with the RE on Monday and acupuncture again on Wednesday. I'm going to tell him to repeat whatever he did the first time since I actually had a normal cycle! PC says that it's because I took a month of BCPs... but I'm a little more optimistic about Eastern medicine than he is.
Several things have been on my mind lately. First, we've had some beautiful weather and it put me in the mood to plant a little garden... by little I mean like 6-7 plants, including this one. I do not have my mother's green thumb, but I love to try! While I was working, I thought about how the whole planting process compares to IF and how frustrating it is that I can't get anything to take root! All I could think about was that line from the movie Raising Arizona where Ed found out she couldn't have children... "the doctor explained that her insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase." Is it ironic that I can quote most of this crazy movie and in the past I thought it was hilarious & now I can relate to the infertility madness!?! So, back to my mini-garden... I will enjoy watching these grow & let's hope I can publish another picture in a few weeks that doesn't look just like the one above! OK- second thought(s)... maybe this will teach me to be better about keeping up with this blog... Mother's Day Weekend. I don't know what my other IF friends are doing, but I'm running! I'll admit that I'm going through an emotional-even at times bitter- mind-set and I've asked PC if we can just run from it all and he's wonderfully understanding & supportive, as well as our moms. You do not realize until you go through IF how our culture divides moms and non-moms. Now, I see & hear it all the time &, since I'm allowed & encouraged to vent here... it s-t-i-n-k-s!!! One last thought, I promise. Is it a complete anomaly that on the day we receive our grand tax refund check I turn too soon out of the garage and now have a huge bill to fix the damage on our new Jeep?

One normal cycle...???

I don't want to jinx anything, but this is the first time in several months that my cycle (minus the ER trip) was less than 6 days! I don't know if BCP or acupuncture played a role, but this has been encouraging. Here's hoping for one normal cycle... it's a start!

Laughter is Good Medicine

So I ask PC- "Have you read my last post? Even if we go the adoption route, I think it's just natural to wonder things like that." And here's what I love about him- "Yeah, but you wouldn't see the eyes for the big bottle cap glasses the kid would have to wear. We have the worst eyesight. And think about how vertically challenged they would be." (Yeah, we're not quite the tallest couple!) Do I laugh or cry? I found it to be a very funny twist to my serious thoughts. So, I get the "Baby Herman" image in my head and that's how my day starts. I've decided- people going through IF need a good joke, good laugh, good time more than most!!! Thanks PC!

I Wonder #1...

I remember before we got married. We just knew and we spoke in future terms of "our kids" this and that. We introduced our friends and more than one has made the comment "I bet your kids are going to have big, blue eyes." So, just having one of those moments... when I wonder... what would our children look like? Would they have our blue eyes and blonde hair and fair skin? If someone asked me the hardest part of IF, I wouldn't say the shots or expense or procedures- it would have to be the "I Wonders..."

Female Fun

Today was one of those days when it's so fun to be female... woke up with severe cramping and ended up in the ER. Turned out to be a ruptured ovarian cyst. A shot for pain and a ultrasound to confirm everything and (of course) blood work and I'm sure a bill is probably on the way. On top of that, AF showed up yesterday with a vengeance. At least there's some humor to it. The lovely gown was not buttoned at all and Dr. H. (my Gyn) walks in as PC is trying to help me out... so I have a cute doctor on one side and a cuter husband on the other side (both know each other through riding bikes- small town) and one really awkward moment of being exposed while they try to figure out a hospital gown. Worth a laugh now! So, the BCP's have succeeded in eliminating the cyst (ouch!) and at least now I should be able to go through the next couple of cycles with a "clean slate." Fun, fun---

Another step closer...

Several things on my mind! First, vacation was wonderful. It was busy
(hint, hint) but it was a much different kind of get-away-from-everything-and-have-fun type of busy. I was content just soaking in the warm temps, people-watching, and holding PC's hand... good food and thrill rides and fireworks were just icing on the cake! When we got back, I had 3 days to complete a 400 page reading log (I did have about half of it done before we left) and a 15 page research paper so the rest of the vacation was spent right here, although a million miles away from blogging!

SO- today was back to routine, but anything but normal. I had my first acupuncture appointment & that's what I really couldn't wait to share! I've had some experience with Eastern medicine and herbs and really enjoyed the book, The Infertility Cure. My mind/heart have gone back and forth-- some things make sense, some seem better left for Western medicine or, even better, Celestial medicine. But today's appointment was convincing and actually more encouraging than most of my IF adventures. The things that this acupuncturist said today just fit with my total state of health. Western medicine diagnosis is anovulation... Eastern medicine diagnosis is poor Spleen Qi. Here's the interesting part of that-- he thinks my reproductive system is right on track (this is a first)-- but the problems have come from my digestive system! That seems like a crazy thought but it really felt like this experience added more pieces to the IF puzzle and is getting me closer to egg + sperm:] More than half of the symptoms of Spleen Qi problems are a definition of me right down to the cold hands and feet. Oh yeah, this explains why I can't remember a thing and my mind never slows down but my body can't catch up (finally, the ultimate excuse). Some may be interested to know about the needles... my tension and fear of the unknown (I think) made the sensation a bit more than it should have been but I would not call it painful. A few slight stings here and there but deeper into the treatment I started to relax and I would compare it to the feeling after a good massage. I do plan on doing it again and following some herbal/diet recommendations. All in all, a positive experience in the depressing world of IF!

Vacation

PC and I head out in the morning for an anniversary trip. We have to make one stop in the morning for an important business deal (trading a bike frame... real important stuff). I'm going to try and convince my mind/stomach not to get motion sickness so that I can do some reading along the way. Here's a list of 10 things that I must pack on every vacation in addition to the usual.
1. PC
2. candy (sour, even better)
3. Good tunes... Gary Allan in the CD player right now.
4. Camera
5. Sunscreen... which we usually forget & have to pay $$$ for one in a tourist shop.
6. Blanket & pillow
7. Baggies... usually come in handy for something
8. Flashlight... PC has a fettish & I (secretly) have come to like having one close by
9. Soap with a pump
10. Emergency car kit & atlas
So- now I'm leaving the World Wide Web for a few days (no free Internet where we're staying) and making some time for FUN! See you in a few days!

Mac and PC anniversary

This week, PC and I will celebrate 3 years of marriage. One of the songs in our wedding said "When God made you, He must have been thinking about me." So true. Especially today... I really lost it and PC was on the receiving end of a royal hormonal hissy fit. Which he never deserved. And he was forgiving & I'm very lucky. So- this post is an extension of "I'm sorry" and a reminder of why I'm so thankful for a wonderful husband & the past 3 years.
He cranks my car every morning so that I have a warm ride to work...sends a mid-day I love you email... and always has a hug for me at the end of the day. I'm very scattered in the morning & often have to call PC to ask if he can bring something that I forgot from home to my job... he always comes through. He never complains about my lack of culinary or cleaning efforts. He often brings home flowers "just because." When I'm working a longer hours than usual, he'll offer to come hang out with me. He keeps me updated on politics, weather, astronomy, sports, bicycles, food facts (relates to his job), 80's music (no joke, he can name every artist & the year of the album!) to name a few. And lastly, through all of the IF ups & downs, he holds my hand & stays strong & tells me that "life's not so bad- we have each other." Thanks, God, for sending your very best my way! Happy Anniversary Week, Prince Charming! Can't wait to start the next chapter...

Infertility Vent 2

Yesterday I had 5 vials of blood drawn for various tests, had 1 orange drink to test Glucose, had to wait 2 hours to get 1 more vial of blood drawn. Then, I had 1 ultrasound where 1 cyst was seen & 1 additional vial of blood was drawn and the end results: 1 pack of birth control pills! Good Friday didn't start out so great! BCPs put the whole IF process in neutral (or reverse) but the intention is to regulate hormones for one cycle and try to reduce the cyst. On the bright side, the day was spent with PC and later in the evening with a good friend and... we're one weekend closer to a much needed vacation!

Next steps...

Today had its good/bad with our second opinion visit. The bad first... the whole atmosphere of this hospital is depressing... I mean, I realize there are sick people there, but that's where people need a smile the most, right? The registration desk... the waiting room... everything felt "cold". This is different than the other RE office where they work hard to remember your name, everything is clean, the nurses smile etc. Now the part that I liked- first, a resident student went over my whole medical history, asking questions and seeming genuinely interested. I was glad someone could try to make sense of my history- I can't even do that! Then, Dr. S. came in. Her mood matched the tone of the hospital- no "hello, how are you" but more like "you must be "Mac"... okay, here's the deal...". However, I do fine without the small talk and like to get to the point too. So here's the deal... the other RE did not test me for PCOS because I didn't fit the typical appearance. She wants to do that anyway. Basically, more blood (that needs to be a post... how much blood does a IF patient "donate"?)
and after that she wants to do an ultrasound to count/check my egg quality. Hello!? Why has no one offered to do this before? I didn't know you could see/count them! Her thoughts were very sensible and PC and I agree to go through with these tests and then make additional decisions. My mom was great company and didn't ask a lot of questions since I was able to tell her that they were going to run more tests to get to the bottom of my issues. Those appointments will take place in the next 3 weeks & I say- let's go!!!

Second Opinion

I'm almost ready for my visit to a new RE on Tuesday... filling out pages of medical history, picked up HSG x-ray etc. This clinic is connected with a University so I'll probably have several interns to observe through whatever treatment we go through, but that's okay! I will be glad to share my problems if they make it a mission to figure out the best treatment plan for me. PC will not be going on this initial visit because he's out of town with work that day and, for the first time, I asked my mom to go with me. I haven't shared every detail with her about our IF journey this far and I probably won't. We just leave it as "I have some female problems I'm trying to work out before we can think of starting a family" which really translates to "We can't have children because my ovaries are not doing what they're supposed to". Sharing this struggle with others has been difficult... the people closest to me know that I have female problems that interfere with TTC. No one except for PC can understand how it changes your life... countless appointments, financial issues, medications and injections, emotional roller coaster... to name a few things. Regardless, I'm eager to get another viewpoint! A new chapter maybe...

The Promise For Your Problem

Recently we attended a church service where the message was "Find the Promise For Your Problem." Since then, I've been looking for and expecting this special promise to find me. Today, a very good friend sent me a letter and it contained my promise.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you.
Plans to give you Hope and a Future." Jer. 29:11

"C"

After the last post, I feel the need to talk about the most non-serious topic I can think of... our dog "C". I brought C home to PC about 2 1/2 years ago, or about the same time we started TTC. He has provided a much needed distraction through this TTC journey! He was an early Christmas present although I really had intentions of "just looking" when I went to see the litter of 5 girls & 4 boys. C just won me over and I couldn't leave him. He had the worst hair ever with curly ears and straight hair mixed in! He was a tiny ball of fur for all of about five days- after that he went from a lanky and awkward stage to a 65+lb. dog with a big heart and terrible hair! The puppy stage was challenging. There was constant teaching, praising, correcting and chewing... and more chewing... from concrete to the lawn mower seat, nothing was safe in the back yard. Although PC and I are (contrary to the fact that I have a blog open to the world) are fairly shy, our dog is complete opposite. He loves to introduce himself to everyone & go for rides. He loves to fetch and swim and his most recent hobby- skunk hunting. I'm sure C will make it into many of my posts... especially the one titled "why IF patients make good pet owners"!

Infertility Vent 1

This was an especially long and hard week in the infertile world.
First, not ovulating can have different effects on different people. Some may not have cycles at all, some may skip cycles and then (lucky me to be in this category) some have cycles that seem to never end. So, here I am still being visited by AF on day 13, yuck.
I led a meeting with a group of colleagues on Monday and asked if anyone had anything to add to the discussion... and a pregnancy is announced. Of course, I plaster a smile on my face and chime in on the congratulations. What makes this announcement more difficult is that she was married 8 weeks after me and PC. I have moved into the stage of IF where it feels like expectant mothers (the waitress, the nurse, the cashier) are everywhere I turn. Everywhere but in the mirror. I think it's perfectly acceptable to say what I feel during these times- this stinks!

Seasonal "Blahs" End Today

Today is a very good day for many reasons. I don't know why I do this, but every year I associate January/February with the "blahs". I'm a summer- lovin' every minute of hot weather- girl. So, these months always seem especially long and cold and dull. So here's my list for kicking this attitude out and welcoming March with open arms:
March 1- It's a beautiful sunny day!
March 9- Last day of an especially difficult graduate course.
March 18- New RE for second opinion- very excited!
March 20- First day of Spring!
March 22- Having a yard sale to get rid of junk- lots of work, but worth it to de-clutter!
March 25- Haircut appt.- I think it's time for a new style.
March 26- Mac and PC anniversary:]
March 30- Leave for a much needed vacation!

Welcome March!

What's Cooking?

I don't cook. Well, I only enjoy two types of cooking. The kind where you can toss a few things into a crock pot and it cooks itself and the kind where you have 2-3 recipes that you've mastered and you fix those for special occasions. I'll share one recipe that meets both criteria:
Mexican Chili-
1- browned and drained ground beef (or leave it out and instead use 2 cans chicken broth)
1- can kidney beans
1- can black beans
2- cans corn
2- cans rotel diced tomatoes with mild chilies
1- pkg ranch seasoning mix
1- pkg mild taco sauce
Dump everything (that's my favorite part) into crock pot and cook on high 2-3 hours or low 5-6 hours. Serve with tortilla chips, shredded cheese, and sour cream.
PC doesn't cook either. In fact, at the first home he owned I asked if I could use the stove and he wasn't sure if it worked.
We differ in our eating preferences as much as we differ in our opinions about computers... but that's another post. Here's my final thoughts about cooking... it takes valuable time away from doing things that I enjoy, like posting my thoughts about it. Chic-Fil-A, anyone?

A Good Plan

I like a good plan. PC is very sweet to participate in conversations that go something like this:

Mac- Can we go to the mall tomorrow?
PC- Sure.
Mac- Can we first get French Toast Sticks from Burger King? And then be on our way by 11 a.m. and arrive at the mall by 12 p.m.? And go by the bookstore before we leave? And get one of those good cookies to bring home? (Thought a visual would be appropriate here so you can see why it's an important part of the plan).
PC- Sounds good. As long as we can go to the bike store.
Mac- Deal.

Maybe this is why my infertility path so far has not caused me to go into a major crisis mindset. Not that it hasn't contributed to some intense emotional and stressful moments! It's just that every doctor has a plan. These plans give me a feeling of security and purpose... the OB/GYN who runs this or that test and prescribes this or that drug, the RE who tells me when to do this or that injection and when to show up for the IUI, the nutritionist who has the right kind of supplement and diet... they all have a plan. The problem is obvious- what happens when you've tried every plan and still do not have the desired results? Does anyone ever have a plan for that?

MAC and PC enter blogworld

Where have I been? I've heard the term 'blog' but never gave it much thought until my never-ending quest to find one more fertility fact led me to another world that I enjoy weaving into my schedule. We are MAC- that's me...and PC- yes, he's Prince Charming, but our names also represent many discussions about who owns the better technological companion. Let's sum up the past four years. Met PC, married within a year and didn't waste any time trying to conceive. As it turns out, my ovaries have decided they will waste all the time they choose... three years without ovulating on my own.
In getting to this diagnosis- here's my checklist for those interested: Laparoscopy, check. Clomid, check. Femara, check. Post coital, check. HSG, check. Bloodwork, check. IUI with meds, check. IUI with meds again, check. Herbs, check. Insurance to cover any of this, unfortunately not. And now? Getting second opinions... looking for someone who will say "Let's find out WHY your body doesn't do what it's supposed to!"
And PC... Bloodwork, check. Semen analysis, check. Totally supportive and adorable, check!
This could be another infertility blog, but I choose instead to make it my online get-away to discuss anything that's on my mind and close to my heart. That may be infertility, but then again- it may not be. To be continued...